“Okay. Thank you,” I say, swallowing hard as his eyes bore into mine. He plants a firm kiss on my mouth before releasing me, and we walk quickly back to the guest cabin.
I jump into the shower, alone with my thoughts, while Sam fusses around getting stuff ready to go. It sounds like my mom is in bad shape, and I don’t know how to feel about it. My feelings about her are so complicated. I’m also nervous about what I’ll find when I get to her. Will she be openly hostile to me—will she even know me? She often doesn’t. And what should I do about Sam? Should I bring him with me when I see her? I don’t really want him to see the abuse she sometimes hurls at me. And then there’s the situation with Aaron. One of us is going to have to sack up and confront the tension between us. Fuck, it’s just too much right now. I can hear Derek’s voice in my head.One thing at a time, Tyler.
I finish up in the shower, drying off as quickly as possible. I have no idea how I’m going to handle any of this, but it appears the only way out of it is through.
CHAPTER 23
SAM
While Tyler showers, I run around and lock up the main building, then throw a few things into an overnight bag for each of us and load them into the truck. I text Mason and let him know what’s happening, and he responds, telling me not to worry about work, to just make sure Tyler is doing okay and to keep him posted.
Once we get into the truck and start heading for Tacoma, a weird silence descends upon us. I’m sure Tyler is worried about his mom, but he doesn’t say much about it. As much as I want to push him for information so I can know the right ways to help him feel better, I force myself to leave him alone. He probably needs some time to process what’s happening.
“Any word from your brother yet?” I ask after we’ve been driving for a while.
Tyler nods. “Yeah, I texted with him. He booked a flight from Nashville for tomorrow.” He lets his head fall back and blows out a long sigh. “I haven’t seen Aaron in over two years,” he says without opening his eyes.
“Oh,” I say, trying to keep the shock out of my voice. He had said he wasn’t as close with his brother as he used to be, but I didn’t realize they were basically estranged. “Because of the argument you had?” I ask.
Tyler nods. “Yeah. I feel like it’s a lot more my fault than Aaron’s.”
“What makes you think that?” I ask gently. “In my experience, it usually takes two people to have a fight.”
“I told Aaron he should be the one who shouldered the burden of our mother’s care since he never bothered to join the military and got to sit home on his ass while I went over and defended our country.” Tyler sighs. “Basically, I called him a coward, and I feel like shit about it. I’d been drinking, and I was so fucking confused and angry about what happened to me that I barely knew which end was up.”
I reach out to take Tyler’s hand. “I think that’s understandable, Ty. You’d just been through a serious trauma, and you weren’t even physically healed yet, let alone mentally.”
“Yeah, but he got screwed over too. He had to put his dreams on hold, first for me to finish high school and then again when he had to haul ass back here so he could take care of our horrible mother, who would have never done the same for us. And to make things even worse for Aaron, he found out right before that fight that our mom had stolen his social security number and racked up a shit-ton of debt in his name.”
“Holy shit, that’s fucking awful.” God, the more I hear about this woman, the more I wish I could go back in time and kick her ass.
“Yeah, it’s not great. She’s so fucked-up, Sam. And I was such a mess back then it’s embarrassing to even think about it.” He pauses for a minute, but I wait, sensing he’s not finished talking. “Understandably, Aaron was pissed. He started yelling that I was nothing but a burden to him and I was turning out to be the same as our mother since I was drinking all the fucking time. That nearly killed me.”
“Oh, Tyler, I’m sorry,” I say. “It sounds like you were both in a really bad place.”
“Yeah. That’s an understatement. I’d lost my hearing but was too stubborn to go to the VA to get hearing aids and the other therapy I needed. I was just avoiding my problems, looking for the answers in a bottle, the same way she always did.” He shakes his head.
“After that blowout, I pulled my head out of my ass and started seeing Derek for help with the PTSD. Then I was able to get my hearing aids, and things started going better, but my relationship with Aaron never recovered. We both apologized, and it’s okay on the surface, but we haven’t ever talked about the things we said. And we haven’t seen each other in person since that fight. Some things are hard to take back, you know? But I miss him.”
Tyler blows out a heavy breath and stares out the window. “I was so angry at the time. God, part of the reason I got help was just to spite him, to prove him wrong. But I get it now. He was right about me. I was heading down that same path as our mother. When I think about it now, it scares the shit out of me.” Tyler shakes his head, and I squeeze his hand, unsure what to say that might help. Maybe there’s nothing I can say. Maybe he just needs me to listen. His story is hitting that button inside me that makes me want to step in and protect him though, and it’s hard not to go off on a rant about what a terrible parent his mom was. But I don’t think that’s what he needs.
“I just wish I’d been able to deal with my shit even a tiny bit better. I could have made things so much easier on Aaron. I got off lucky—my credit wasn’t affected by our mom’s stunt. I’ve been helping Aaron to pay off her debt. But our relationship hasn’t been the same since that fight.”
“God, Tyler, I’m so sorry. But I know how strong you are. I don’t think you would have gone down that same path as your mom, I really don’t. But even if you had, you wouldn’t be in the same situation because you were in a bad place due to injuries, physical and PTSD. And I believe you would have been able to find your way out of it.” God, I can’t imagine what it would be like to grow up with a parent like that. I send out a silent thank-you to the universe for my family.
“Maybe you and Aaron needed some time to pass before you talked. Maybe this will be a chance for you two to work things out if that’s what you want,” I say, trying to give him a little hope.
He gives me a slightly empty smile. “Maybe,” he says softly. “I guess we’ll find out soon.” He turns back to the window, staring out at the dark as we get closer to the city.
CHAPTER 24
TYLER
The knot in my stomach grows heavier the closer we get to the city. I thought opening up to Sam about things between Aaron and me might get rid of the aching tension in my belly, but thinking about those awful days right after getting home doesn’t do much to calm me down. God, I’d been such a mess, and until I started seeing Derek, my psychiatrist, Aaron was the only person I really saw, so he bore the brunt of all my grief and rage.
“So, we’re getting close,” Sam says after I’ve been silent for a while, and I’m jolted out of my thoughts to find we’re stopped at a light a few blocks from the hospital.
“Oh, yeah, it’s right up there. I think the main entrance is on the right. You can just drop me off at the door there,” I say, but then I realize we haven’t discussed what’s happening now. Is Sam planning to turn around and head back to the coast? Or head home to Seattle? Or is he planning to stick around with me? I don’t know what I want him to do. The thought of bringing him to see my mom makes the bile rise in the back of my throat. It’s one thing to tell him about her and my life growing up, but it’s entirely something else to have him meet her.
