“So, I finally get a breath, but I can’t hear a fucking thing. I would say my ears were ringing, but it’s more like my whole head was ringing. But all I can think about is that I have to get my weapon. I don’t know where I am or who’s around; I just know I need my weapon before anything else. I manage to sit up, and I reach my gun with one hand, and I move my other arm to hold it properly, but something doesn’t feel right, so I look down, and my arm’s all twisted up. It looks like everything below my elbow got put on backwards, and it’s all bloody.” Tyler shakes his head.
“I know my arm’s broken, but at least it’s still attached, from what I can tell, anyway, so I’m thinking, ‘Okay, at least I don’t have to leave part of my arm here in this hellhole.’ And then I see I’m bleeding from my chest and my side too, like a lot. The red of the blood is like the only color I can see, while the rest of the world is brown and gray. And I get this weird, slow-motion sensation where I’m completely zeroed in on the blood leaving my body and seeping into the sand. It’s so weird. In my head, I just hear the words ‘blood and treasure, blood and treasure…’—you know, like the analysts on TV were always talking about all theblood and treasurethe US spilled in Afghanistan. I can see my blood seeping into the sand, and I’m just thinking it’smyblood now. My blood. It all sounds so abstract when you hear these experts talking on TV, right, but you can’t ever understand what it’s like to actually be surrounded by the blood that’s being spilled. When it’s your blood or the blood of people you know, your friends… It’s, like, impossible to describe. That’s what I think about the most, even now. How my blood looked when it was seeping into the dirty sand on this shitty road in some shitty place. And it was weird—I almost felt like… like no matter what happened now, I was leaving part of myself in this shitty country. I was always going to be connected to this place because of my blood being absorbed into the ground here. It was this crazy, existential-crisis moment right in the middle of a goddamn firefight.” Tyler shakes his head. “Fucked-up, right?” he says without looking at me.
“I don’t think it’s fucked-up. Your brain is trying to cope with this trauma you were still right in the middle of,” I say, clutching him a little tighter.
“Anyway, they get me loaded onto the helicopter, and they give me something that knocks me out, and the next thing I remember, I’m in the hospital, and they’re pinning a purple heart on me. They patched up my chest and abdomen, but my arm needed more specialized surgery than they could handle. I think they kept me pretty drugged up for a while because all the memories I have of being in the hospital there are fuzzy. But I remember thinking they had stuffed cotton into my ears, and I couldn’t figure out why they did that. But I decided that’s why I couldn’t hear properly, and I just went with that for a while. But a couple of days later, I started trying to pull out the cotton that of course wasn’t there. They ended up writing down on a piece of paper that my hearing was damaged and I might not get it back.”
“Anyway, so a while later, they flew me out, and I ended up at the VA hospital in Texas. I got the surgery and PT. And then, after that, they kinda… released me into the wild.” Tyler snorts.
I barely know what to say. I move us so I can look at him and he can see my mouth. “Fuck, Tyler. I’m… I don’t know what to say other than I’m so fucking sorry you had to go through that. I wish so much it hadn’t happened to you.”
“Thanks,” he says. “It sucks, but I’m alive. I went through a phase where I wasn’t so grateful for that, but thankfully, it didn’t last long for me. But I understand how easy it would be to get to where you were angry that you hadn’t died. It was just… so much…”
“Thank you for telling me,” I say.
His eyes soften as he looks into mine and then leans in and places a gentle kiss on my mouth before moving so he’s lying against me, his cheek resting on my chest. We lie quietly for a few moments, and I soothe both of us by running my fingers through his short dark hair. A short time later, his breathing evens out, and his body relaxes into sleep. Our breaths sync up, and he nuzzles into me, making sweet little snuffling noises. But I lie there for a long time, struggling to comprehend the things Tyler has lived through. It takes a long time before I’ve followed him, slipping into a fitful sleep.
CHAPTER 21
TYLER
I don’t know what time it is when I slowly wake up, but the light from outside has that silvery, pre-dawn quality to it, telling me it’s early. Slowly, I realize that the lovely warm body pillow I’m curled up against is an actual body. The events of last night come rushing back to me. My chest squeezes painfully when I recall how Sam held me so tenderly, letting me talk after helping me to calm down and get cleaned up after the nightmare. He didn’t try to make it all better; he just held me and listened.
Lying quietly beside him, I feel his heartbeat against my cheek, and I love the way the rhythm of our breathing matches up. I reach over and grab my hearing aids, and then I doze off and on for a while until his breathing changes as he blinks slowly awake.
Tilting my head back so I can see his face but keeping our bodies in contact, I smile at his drowsy expression.
“Hi there.”
“Hey,” he replies. A flash of uncertainty crosses his face, but he relaxes when I lean in and place a soft kiss to the sliver of his collarbone not covered by his T-shirt. I’m in no hurry to put any distance between our bodies. “Are you… How are you feeling?” he asks.
Being this close to him means I can read his lips easily, but I can also feel the vibrations of his voice, and it sends warmth spreading through my chest. Waking up together in the same bed feels more intimate than anything else we’ve done, including hooking up that first night. Aside from the night of the storm with Sam, I haven’t fallen asleep with anyone I’ve hooked up with since I lost my hearing. I’ve never been good at letting people get close to me, and since losing my hearing, there’s not a chance of anyone getting in. Hookups have been few and far between in the last couple of years, and the rare times it has happened, it’s always been at a loud bar, where the absolute minimum of conversation is required, and no way would I ever invite some random to come home with me.
“I’m feeling good,” I say, realizing it’s the truth. Even after the nightmare, I’m more rested than normal. “Thank you, Sam,” I say softly, leaning back so I can see him. “Thank you for last night. Usually, I can’t rest at all after a dream like that, but with you here, I slept. It feels good.”
His brown eyes soften as he looks at me, sending a warm, comforting feeling through my chest. “Good. And I’m grateful you told me, Ty. It’s probably not easy to talk about that day. So, thank you for sharing it with me. That means a lot to me.”
His heart speeds up under my hand, and this strong feeling of clarity comes over me. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can trust Sam. I don’t know how, but I know it deep down in my bones.
I stretch up to kiss him, and the way he pulls me into him makes me feel like the most important thing in the universe, like I’m some kind of precious treasure.
I press closer to him still, and he slides his hands down to my ass, squeezing me and shifting us both so I’m on top of him, our hard cocks lined up, pressing against each other through the thin layers of our underwear.
“Too many clothes,” I say against his mouth, and we both chuckle. Somehow, we manage to get our clothes off while barely taking our mouths off each other, and soon we’re stretched out, skin to skin, and it’s glorious.
His lips are soft but firm, leaving no doubt who’s in charge. It’s surprising, but I like it. I like turning over a little of my control to Sam. I trust him, and it’s a major turn-on. We kiss for what seems like hours before he rolls us so I’m underneath him, the weight of his body anchoring me, pressing me into the soft bed and grounding me in this place and this time. Calmness spreads through me, even as my heartbeat speeds up. It’s like Sam’s big, strong body is sheltering me, blocking out the world so there’s only his skin against mine and the delicious press of his lips and tongue. I’m safe. I’m home.
He thrusts against me, and I arch into him, my body craving more contact, more friction, more everything. He runs his tongue along the cord of my neck and places hot, open-mouthed kisses along my collarbone before shifting so he can suck first one nipple and then the other while sliding his hands all over my body.
Moving slowly, he makes his way down my torso, taking time to lick every inch of my abs and tonguing my belly button. He traces each one of my tattoos that cover most of my scars from the explosion, and when he encounters a patch of raised skin with his fingertips, he kisses it tenderly. His touch tickles, and I let out a breathy giggle. He looks up at me through his lashes, a playful smirk on his lips.
“Ticklish, are we?” he teases, then runs his fingers along my sides, a featherlight touch that makes me laugh and squirm. “Duly noted. That info will come in handy later.” He stops tickling and continues working his way down my body with his mouth.
Finally, finally, when I think I might not last one more second, he makes his way to my aching cock, first pressing his nose against me and inhaling my scent.
“Saaam,” I whine in a tone of voice I don’t think I’ve ever used. “Pleeease…”
His only response is a devious look directed at me through his lashes, and I sigh in relief when I feel his hot breath against my skin. But just when I think he’s finally going to put me out of my misery, he only licks a narrow stripe up one side of my dick and down the other. He teases me until I’m writhing against him, sure that I’m about to burst apart from want, before he finally takes me fully into his mouth in one smooth, slow motion. Sealing his lips tight around me, he sucks with steady pressure, moving his head slowly down my shaft and back up with a consistent rhythm.
