For the last few days, my fear has had me in constant motion. Whirling in and out of La Grande Nuit like a short-lived tornado because the thought of ending up alone with Dominic after what happened on Tuesday terrified me. It’d taken an emergency session with my therapist and a full-blown breakdown in front of Mal—where I lied and said I was feeling guilty about going on a date—just to pull me out of the pit of despair I was plunged into when the post-orgasm clarity hit me, and I wasn’t willing to go back there for anything. Not even for another endless moment with the delicious heat of Dominic’s body pressed against mine or the intoxicating feel of his fingers digging into my flesh.
I just couldn’t risk it.
So I spent the week running, caught somewhere between desperately wanting Dominic to seek me out and tell me my erratic behavior was completely understandable and hoping he never looked in my direction again. Ultimately, I landed on hoping he never looked in my direction again, and that’s exactly what I got.
In the rare moments that we were in the same space, meeting with James or passing each other in the hallway, he looked right through me like I didn’t even exist. Having my silent wish granted shouldn’t have hurt, but it did because it took me back to the time before our weird friendship happened and made me realize I had no clue what it meant to truly be iced out by the man.
For years I hated him for the way he treated me, thinking his glares and hurtful words were the worst he could do to me, but this was different.This was stepping out of the safety of a warm car and having the cold bite into your skin. This was reopening a wound you thought was on its way to healing. This was a swell of dark clouds after weeks of sunshine. This was the closest thing to heartbreak I’d known since Eric died. Only it makes no sense to be heartbroken over a man I should hate myself for wanting.
Shouldbeing the operative word.
After the incident, I thought I hated myself, but the longer I sat with my feelings, the more I realized I didn’t. Sure, I was embarrassed about the way things went down, but ultimately, I had to accept that I didn’tdoanything wrong. My husband is gone, and the vows I swore to him on our wedding day were intact when his heart stopped beating. All of the promises I made to him had been kept well past till death do us part. And like Mal has pointed out several times since I said I wanted to start dating again, Eric would want me to be happy.
Would she still be saying that if she knew you were the reason Eric was on the road that day? Would she still be so supportive of you dating if she knew you were dreaming of Dominic taking her brother’s spot in your bed?
NowthatI don’t know. Okay, yes I do. I don’t need to ask Mal to know she wouldn’t be happy about any romantic developments between me and Dominic. This is the same woman who got mad at him for bringing me a slice of cake first, so I think it’s safe to say all hell would break loose if she found out about Tuesday. There would probably be tears, accusations, and a stain of betrayal on our relationship that would never go away.
Just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. Thankfully, I don’t have to wonder about whether the chemistry between me and Dominic is worth it—it’s not—because he has iced me out so quickly and efficiently, my head is still spinning.I just wish I knew why…
“It doesn’t matter,” I whisper to myself as I search for the perfect shoes to pair with the outfit I’ve laid out on my bed in preparation for my date. That’s right. I’m going on a date. Tonight I’m going to have dinner with ahandsome man whose romantic interest doesn’t threaten to implode my entire life, and I’m going to like it.
Okay, I’m going to try to enjoy it, but I can’t make any promises.
“Sloane, why aren’t you dressed yet? Ash will be here in twenty minutes.” Mal storms into my room just as I’m exiting my closet with a pair of nude heels that make my legs look incredible. She has both hands on her hips and wrath shining in her amber eyes as she glares at my robe. “Please don’t tell me you canceled.”
“No, I didn’t cancel. I just needed to find some shoes to go with my outfit.”
I gesture toward the red satin dress I bought yesterday to get excited about this date with Ash Strickland—a former NBA star who dominated the court for some team on the West Coast until he tore his ACL two years ago and was forced to retire at thirty-two. All the information I’d gleaned from the short Google search I ran on him last night told me he wasn’t letting the massive blow to his plans slow him down at all. He went from owning the court to conquering the New Haven real estate scene in a matter of years.
Oh hell, now I’m quoting article headlines like a groupie.
“Great choice. Your boobs are going to look incredible in this.”
Mal throws herself across my bed and smiles at me. I try to smile back, but it feels like more of a grimace, because her comment has me thinking about Dominic kneading my breasts with just the right amount of roughness while he licked into my mouth with hungry strokes of his tongue.
“Thanks,” I say weakly, spinning my wedding ring around my finger absentmindedly. Light catches the diamonds in the pear-shaped setting, sending luminescent shards glittering throughout the room with every revolution. She tracks each spin with her eyes but doesn’t say anything for a long moment.
“Are you going to take it off?”
Our eyes meet, and I see an uneasiness there that I’ve been expecting for a while now. She’s been going out of her way to be cheerful and supportive of me dating, but I know this has to be difficult for her. I move over to the bed and lie next to her, taking her hand in mine.
“No. I’m not taking it off even though I probably should. I mean, it’ll make the whole dinner thing awkward, but I don’t want to be with anyone who doesn’t understand what Eric meant to me. What he’ll always mean to me.”
Relief smooths over the lines in her forehead. “It’s weird, right?” She turns her head and looks at me. I raise a brow, not understanding her question. “Me being sad about you dating… It’s weird.” My lips part, ready and willing to dole out some reassurance, but she shakes her head. “Don’t lie and say it isn’t. Webothknow it makes it seem like I don’t want you to move on even though I do.” Her fingers thread through mine, and she gives my hand a light squeeze. “Idowant you to find some happiness, Sloane.”
“I know that, Mal.”
And I do. She’s been my biggest cheerleader through this whole process. Hell, I would still be skimming through the prospects on Tinder if it wasn’t for her. She nods, and I can tell my words have soothed her a little, giving her just enough strength to say the last part.
“But being here with you, seeing you get ready for a date, it just makes him being gone so…”
“Real,” I finish for her, understanding exactly what she means. It was the hardest part about Tuesday. Realizing I didn’t do anything wrong because the only person I could have technically betrayed was no longer here to be hurt by my actions. I glance at Mal.Well, maybe not theonlyperson.
“Yeah,” she breathes. “It makes it all too real.”
“I don’t have to do this if you’re not ready yet, Mal.” I sit up slightly, soI can look her in the eyes. She searches my face, amber eyes roving over every one of my features to gauge my sincerity. If we weren’t having a rare serious moment, I would be annoyed that she’s doubting me. Doesn’t she know by now I would do anything to keep her from hurting? Including, but not limited to, canceling this date with Ash.
Doing so would bring Mission: Defeat Sloane’s Skin Hunger to a grinding halt, but I don’t think it matters now that my attraction to Dominic is no longer an issue.Okay, the attraction is still there, but it’s not like I’m ever going to act on it again.Maybe him acting like I don’t exist is exactly what I need to put this thing to bed; if his touch ignited the flame, maybe his ice is enough to kill it.
