She examined it carefully. “Thanks, James, um . . .”
I frowned when she unexpectedly came closer to me. I froze and took a deep breath before closing my eyes.
A kiss on the cheek. Then she dashed off.
44
June
I’m such an idiot.
I wrote it in my phone notes like I was eternalizing the idiot I’d made out of myself that day. I was practically passed out on James’s couch after taking two hits. Knowing him, he must’ve thought I was ridiculous. He’d probably be doing what he usually did, waiting until we got to school to humiliate me. I’d learned three lessons.Never smoke.I wrote that in my phone. I wanted to promise myself that because it seemed like when I was under that influence that I kissed the cheeks of guys I hated.
Never fall asleep at your enemy’s house.
Ridiculous things could happen, like him finishing the homework instead of me.
Be less impulsive. I shouldn’t have hung up on William like that, but what he’d said hurt me.I have too many things in my head, June, maybe it’s better if we slow down.
“What do you mean ‘slow down’?” I asked, despite it sounding likeslower than this before we don’t see each other anymore.
“Come on, you know what I mean. People say those kinds of things in cases like these.”
I couldn’t stand it anymore. “So, Will? How do people respond to things like that? Explain it to me.”
“Tell me if this works for you. Let’s take it as it comes.”
“I don’t understand.”
“June, you’re annoying when you act like this.” I hung up on him. I’d tried to be understanding with him more than once; I’d even apologized when I’d impulsively asked him to choose between me and his best friend. And what did I get in return? A waste of time. I hated the fact that I was at James’s exactly when I got Will’s call.
I would’ve preferred to be home to have all my reactions under control and sit with the disappointment and negative feelings. On my terms.
But there I was, exposed, and I didn’t want James to see me vulnerable. That’s why I’d asked him to smoke. Of course I didn’t expect to pass out on his couch while he took care of the assignment. Sure, it was a small gesture, but it certainly wasn’t nothing coming from James. I didn’t understand why he didn’t chase me out.
June, he’s always the same arrogant dick. Don’t get any ideas.
I sat down at the desk and opened the folder to read what he’d written. I caught myself smiling and putting my knuckles on my cheeks almost as if I wanted to hide the reaction from myself.
Why the hell was I letting myself get caught up in the enthusiasm over someone having had two brilliant ideas in a row? What was my problem?
Suddenly, I heard a sound coming from the room next to mine. Then silence. I went back to reading the homework, but the sound got progressively louder, so loud that I thought the second Wizarding War was breaking out. I got up. It was impossible to concentrate.
I went to the bathroom, where I found Mom furiously trying to wash her paintbrushes in the sink.
“Another job change? Did you go from painter to percussionist?”
She stopped with her head lowered, her hands gripping the sink as if she wanted to prevent herself from falling. And most shockingly, she wasn’t scolding me or listening to me.
“Mom?!”
I looked at the slight figure collapsing onto herself.
“Are you okay?”
“Sorry,” she murmured without turning around.
In the mirror, I saw her gaunt, tear-stained face. She suddenly seemed to have gone back to who she was four years ago when there was only room for pain on her face.
