Lucas barely reacted to that. He took a sip from his drink, doing his best not to look at me, but I knew he was fighting his instincts. I could feel it radiating off him, the hammer of his heartbeat, and then I realized it wasn’t me who could sense it, but the manananggal.
A shiver ran down my spine and I focused on Qian. The warmth in his eyes was like an anchor. He was the one person whose mind I could change. Even if I became a manananggal forever, at leastNix could be free. But also, I found myself actually wanting to be with Qian more and more. He made me feel less afraid about everything these days, though I knew that sense of safety would be jeopardized if he ever learned what was happening to me…And yet, I still found comfort being in his presence. He was the eye of the storm, and the closer I was to him, the calmer I became.
“Sure,” I said. “I’ll take a shot.”
I had to keep my distance from Lucas. For his sake. Even though it was like I was cutting a part of my body clean off by denying the pull to him, I had to let Lucas go.
I followed Qian to the spot on the lawn where one of his men had just finished his shot. He’d missed, drawing jeers and teasing from his friends, and Qian handed me the bow just like last time.
I felt Lucas’s eyes on me, but I focused on the feel of the bow in my hand. Qian guided my arm into the right place. I had the distinct impression that he was only doing it now as an excuse to touch me, and for a brief moment, I was fine with that. I liked the way his body felt next to mine, his bergamot scent enveloping us.
I peered down the line of the arrow, and the game master shot the clay disc into the air. I tracked it, lining up the disc with the sight, and let the arrow fly.
Qian whooped with the others when the disc burst into pieces, but the first person I looked at was Lucas. He simply bowed his head and took his leave.
“Thank you, Prince Qian,” I said. “It was fun.”
“Back to formalities?” he asked. “Have I done something to upset you?”
“Just the opposite,” I said.
The way he was looking at me made my insides fuzzy. I excused myself. It was starting to get dark, and I had to prepare for tonight, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the way I felt in Qian’s arms. I hadn’t felt that safe in a long time.
As I headed indoors, an idea wormed itself into my brain.
20
I foundNixin the infirmary, and she wasn’t alone. Amador was with her. They were seated around a desk, their heads bowed low together as they read over a book about curses and jinxes. I almost reconsidered interrupting them; they looked to be having a peaceful moment skimming the pages together. They were still searching for ways to help me, even though I knew that the cure could only be true love. That’s what the stories were about. Every fairy tale my mom told me growing up ended with true love’s kiss, with the curse being broken and the couple living happily ever after. If I was going to get my happily ever after, though, I needed to ask Nix for her permission.
“Hey,” I said. It was like my voice had broken a spell. Amador and Nix jumped to their feet and lurched away from each other, acting like they’d been caught in the act of something shameful. Amador’s eyes flitted in Nix’s direction before she dragged them to the opposite wall, staring intently at the glass jars. Nix’s face had turned pink, but she looked at me solidly.
Her reaction almost distracted me from why I’d come here in the first place. “Are you okay?”
“I should be asking the same of you. What brings you here?” Nix asked.
I swallowed nervously. I wasn’t sure how she would react to my idea. “Would you like to sit down?” I gestured to the chair, and Nix sat, but Amador didn’t.
“Is this about your curse?” Amador asked.
“Yes,” I said, meeting Nix’s eyes.
Nix’s face brightened. “What is it? Did you find a new clue?”
“Kind of. Yara was cursed after she got her heart broken. That’s something we have in common. She said that the mambabarang had told her she needed to find her true love—marry someone to break the curse. So maybe that’s what I have to do, too.”
Nix looked at Amador briefly, then back at me, confusion knitting her brows together. “Okay, so does that mean you and Lucas will find a way to be together?”
“No, it can’t be Lucas,” I said. “It has to be someone else.”
“Someone else?”
My smile twitched. Maybe in another life we could have been together, but Lucas was bound to Amador. It was too late for us. “I’ve come to realize that even though I’m a queen, I can’t always get what I want. I have to think of my kingdom now and how I can best serve my people.”
Nix’s confusion turned into concern. “What do you mean?”
I took a breath. “The only way I can ensure peace between Biringan and Jade Mountain is…with marriage.”
I saw Nix doing the calculations in her head, her eyes boring into mine. “You mean, you’re going to marry Qian? You’re going to marrymy brother?”
