“What’s wrong with you?” Amador said. “Lucas will save you, too. You’re the queen, after all.”
I hated how she talked about him. I hated that she could say his name like she owned him, because she did. They were a matched pair, and I was an outsider. I knew it wasn’t helpful, but I imagined how good it would feel to lash out and hurt her like she had hurt me.
It would feel so good…that voice in my head said.How easy her flesh could tear. How her bones could break under your hand. Make that pretty face of hers bleed.
“No, no!” I said, and shook my head.
I could feel Amador get very still. “What’sreallywrong with you?” she asked.
“Nothing,” I said, clenching my teeth. I would not let the manananggal consume my own thoughts. Yara had said she was losing part of herself every day, that she was becoming more of a monster after every transformation. We had to get out of here, or I really might hurt Amador.
You could shut her up forever. She would beg for her life. And you could take it from her. Like she’s taken so much from you.
“Shut up, shut up, shut up,” I growled.
I knew Amador was watching me, but not giving in to the voice was taking everything I had.
“MJ?” Her voice was small. I was scaring her.
Good. Let her be frightened of you. Let her wish she’d never crossed you. Make her regret every little thing she’s ever done to you. She’s happy and in love, and you’re not. It isn’t fair. Maybe it’s not fair that she’s still breathing.
I clenched my eyes shut and forced the voice to go away. My thoughts did not define me. I wouldn’t let them. I was still in control. I was not going to let the manananggal win.
I took another breath, this time letting it out slowly. Neither I nor Amador said anything for a moment, and I appreciated the calm so I could gather myself once more. We had to think of a way to get out of here.
“You were talking to yourself…” Amador said.
Panic rose up, threatening to overwhelm me. I wanted to run as far away as I could, but of course I couldn’t.
“What’s going on?” Amador genuinely sounded concerned.
“Nothing.”
“It doesn’t sound like nothing. It sounded like…something…horrible.”
“It’s none of your business.”
“Seeing as we’re trapped here together and you’re acting like you’re possessed, it kind of is my business. I’m not stupid.”
What choice did I have? Would it be a better idea to tell her that the queen of Biringan was losing her mind and talking to herself with a monstrous voice? Or would it be better to tell the truth? She was my archnemesis, the very last person I ever wanted to know about this. I would rather have died first than let her find out, but if I didn’t warn her, she might not be careful around me. She might get hurt because I couldn’t control myself.
“I killed that horse. Not the wakwak.” My words felt like they were strangling me.
“What?”
“I’m a monster. I’m turning into a manananggal.”
After a moment, Amador scoffed, but I could hear the edge in her words despite her sarcasm. “Ha ha, stop scaring me.”
“If you don’t want to see for yourself, we have to figure out a way to get down. Now.”
Her bemused smile fell. All I could do was close my eyes. I hated the way she stared at me, like she was trying to see the truth.
“You’re serious?”
I didn’t answer, but I opened my eyes.
I waited for her to hold this fact over my head, dangle it like a juicy piece of blackmail that I knew she would be desperate enough to wield against me. I was trapped with my worst enemy.
