Janae could feel the involuntary grin spreading across her lips as she turned to look at her friend. With that simple exchange, Vanessa had helped Janae transform from the ball of nerves she was, drawing out the confident vixen she usually wore with such ease.
“Yup, that right there was the response I was looking for. Thanks for that, girl.”
Vanessa winked at her before crossing the room and grabbing Janae’s hands, enclosing them in her own.
“Hey, more than most I know what it is to be uncertain of the new set of circumstances life has dealt you. But let me reassure you.” She pushed the handful of braids laying on Janae’s chest behind her shoulder. “You are gorgeous, and Adam is lucky he gets to lay eyes on you.”
Janae gave Vanessa’s fingers a light squeeze before looking back into to the mirror. “I don’t know why I’m so nervous. It’s not like today is a date or anything. He’s coming here to see James.”
Vanessa put her hands on Janae’s shoulders, giving her a slight push as she inched her closer to the mirror.
“Janae, that man may be coming here to help your son with his sports ball thingy, but the only reason he’s even doing that is for a chance to spend some time with you. Adam is really into you.”
Janae couldn’t hide the smile Vanessa’s words inspired, so she let it bloom across her face as Vanessa continued.
“Every time I’ve seen the two of you in the same space, it’s all over his face how much he’s feeling you.” Vanessa placed her weight on one foot, jutting her hip out for balance. “You are usually the queen of confidence. What’s all this about, Janae?”
She slowly drew in a breath before turning around to face Vanessa.
“I carried a major crush on Adam for a ridiculous amount of time. But I could never manage to admit that to him. By the time I gathered up the courage to tell him, he was dating cheerleaders and other girls that looked nothing like me. They were all light-skinned and thin with wavy hair.”
Janae didn’t hate on other women. She had nothing but love for sistahs with fair skin and so-called good hair. But she’d be a fool to ignore the fact that colorism within the Black community, and media at large, existed.
“And because of who you saw on his arm you didn’t think he’d be into you?”
Janae shrugged. “Part of the reason I’m so confident in myself is, I never stay anywhere I feel I’m not appreciated. I’m starting to think my immaturity caused me to jump the gun in this case. I never gave Adam the chance to tell me if he was interested or not. Instead, I just made up his mind for him and pretended to not notice him for the duration of high school.”
Vanessa’s pinched face and puckered lips displayed her scrutiny. “In this small town?” she asked as incredulity filled her voice.
Janae nodded as an amused chuckle escaped her lips as her memory replayed some of her antics in her brain.
“If I knew he was going to be somewhere, I’d sit far away from him so there couldn’t be any sort of interaction between us. I stayed out of his circles and focused on my schoolwork and my friends. Now that I think about it, the only place where my strategy failed was in our classes. Adam and I had the highest GPAs in school. We took all AP classes, so, if I did have to speak to him or look at him, I had the guise of classwork there to establish a reason for proximity and interaction.”
“And now that there’s more at stake,” Vanessa responded, “your defenses are ready to push him away before this even has a chance to become something, is that it?”
The heavy sigh that escaped Janae’s lips did little to relieve theweight against her chest. “I can’t afford to let anything or anyone into my world that’s gonna weaken me. I’ve gotta be strong for James. He always needs to see that whatever comes at us, I’m good.”
Vanessa shook her head. “That strong Black woman bullshit is a trap. You know that, right? You are human and are allowed to have moments of weakness and vulnerability. James needs to see that. It will teach him compassion. It will teach him that he can be human too. You left his father because you didn’t want James exposed to toxic masculinity. You should be just as diligent in teaching him about toxic Black femininity and the misogynoir that fuels it.”
Vanessa’s truth exploded all over Janae, shattering the heftiness compressing her rib cage, freeing her to take in deep breaths. Her girl hit the nail on the head. Too bad admitting that out loud wasn’t as easy as it should’ve been, though.
“Janae, being the proverbial strong Black woman, thinking I wasn’t allowed to be weak or vulnerable or human, it made me stay in an abusive marriage. I couldn’t let anyone know the hell I was going through. Allowing the world to put that on your shoulders is a sure way to lose yourself. You define you. And that’s why you’ve got Adam’s nose wide open, because he knows that you understand your power. That’s why he’s so drawn to you.”
Vanessa had her there. Janae knew that as well as she knew her own name. In fact, she’d given Vanessa some form of this speech over the course of the two years they’d known each other. That’s what the Savvy, Sexy, and Single club was for, carrying you when you couldn’t carry yourself.
“I know,” Janae replied. “And maybe if Adam and I can act like adults this time instead of the scared children we were, we might end up enjoying each other.”
“I don’t think the enjoying part is the problem. Not with how thirsty y’all both look when you’re in the same room. Talk about rated-X material. Y’all better keep that under wraps if James isgonna be here.” Vanessa gave Janae a tight hug before she walked out of Janae’s bedroom door, leaving her alone with her thoughts.
Vanessa wasn’t far off. Janae wanted that man every time she laid eyes on him. Today, he’d visit her home, but with the child spawn cockblocking, the only thing she’d be serving was iced tea and brunch. Otherwise, she’d have a whole lot of explaining to do to a certain fifteen-year-old and she didn’t think either of them was adult enough to have that conversation just yet.
She took one last look at herself in the mirror, letting her hands glide slowly down the outline of her sides until they rested on her hips, admiring the lightweight crop sweater paired with dark wash high-rise jeans, and a pair of wedge close-toed sandals. Yeah, Vanessa was right. Even if she was nervous as hell, she at least looked like she was more than ready for Adam’s visit. Looking the part was half the battle, right?
Adam pulled up to Janae’s home, a lovely dual-level house sitting on a wide patch of lush green land. The grass was neatly trimmed, and the flowery path from the driveway to the front door was a colorful welcome into her home.
Before he had a chance to ring the bell, the door flew open and an eager James stood in the doorway, waving Adam in.
“Morning, Dr. Henderson. “Thanks for coming over to help me.”
