“I know you didn’t get this from the diner.”
He chuckled softly before he took a sip of his bottled water.
“No. There’s this new place called Island Soul up in Tannersville. I’ve wanted to try since I came home.”
“It’s just before you get to the Crossings Mall, right?”
He nodded, loving the easy way they were sitting on the tailgate of his truck. He’d added an air mattress to it for cushion, and had a stepladder available to help her get into the back of the pickup with ease.
They’d sat on the edge of the tailgate in the parking lot, looking out over I-80 as their view.
“Yeah, I’ve seen it, but I haven’t had a chance to stop in yet. Also, I’m always a little leery about ethnic food spots out here. They usually don’t have that authentic taste to them. The last time I had good Caribbean food was when Vanessa, Cree, and I went up to New York City to celebrate the second anniversary of our Savvy, Sexy, and Single Club.”
He stopped chewing on his chicken patty long enough to look up at her. “Your what now?”
“It’s a sort of support group the girls and I created when Cree and I met Vanessa at the community center’s divorce support group two years ago.”
“Wait, are you talking about the one where the old dude in the plaid shirt still talks about his wife that left him twelve years ago?”
Her shoulders shook with amusement as she nodded. “The very one and the same. How do you know about it? Did you ever attend a meeting?”
“Nah,” he answered. “Although, if I had, transitioning from married to divorced might’ve gone a whole lot easier for me. The community center is right across the street from the church. You know my mama is tuned in to the church gossip like the CIA is to foreign threats. Nothing happens without her knowing about it.”
She took up another forkful of the rice and peas, savoring it before she spoke again.
“Was your divorce difficult?”
He waited a moment. Not because he didn’t want to answer, he was fine with sharing anything Janae wanted to ask of him. But he had been such a different person then. It was almost impossible for him to connect with the man who’d felt trapped in the life his father had created for him.
“I married for all the wrong reasons. I was in love with my wife,but not in the deep way that I believe you should be if you wanna tackle marriage together. Our lives were very separate. She did her thing in high society and I did mine on the court. The only time we were really together was for public events.”
He ripped off a piece of coco bread, needing to find something to do with his hands for fear of reaching out for Janae. The fact that she’d even agreed to eat with him was a win. He didn’t want to push it by trying to make a physical connection she wasn’t ready for.
“The straw that broke the camel’s back was, she came home one day telling me her parents thought it was time for us to have children.”
“That’s an odd way of saying she was ready to start a family.”
“Yeah, but not just because of the way she phrased it, but also because if we’d spent three weeks together in the previous six months, that was saying a lot. It suddenly struck me that we’d been apart for so long and I hadn’t missed her. Why would I want a baby with someone whose absence didn’t mean anything to me?”
He wiped his mouth before shifting to look at her. “I wanted to have a baby with someone who loved me. And I knew in that moment that neither of us loved each other enough to procreate. We’d lived our lives too far apart for that to be a possibility. The next day, I sat her down and asked for a divorce.”
Her eyes softened in the glow of the amber lights in the parking lot. For all of Janae’s fire, it was this soft, caring look of hers that was fast becoming his favorite. He’d seen it years ago outside the guidance counselor’s office on one of the rare occasions she acknowledged his presence.
He’d seen it again when she’d stopped to intervene with his father at the radiology department. Now he was seeing it for a third time while they sat together sharing a meal. Like before, she stripped away any desire he had to hide behind his armor. It made him want to bare his soul to her.
“I’m sorry, Adam.”
He lifted his hand slowly, allowing his fingers to trace her high cheekbone and then her jaw. Those same fingers ached to keep moving until they were touching her full lips.
“For what? I’m the one who made the decision to marry for status instead of love. It’s not your fault I ended up falling on my face.”
“No.” She shook her head, dislodging his fingers from her skin, replacing the inviting warmth that was growing within him with an unwanted chill. “It’s not. That doesn’t mean I can’t have compassion for your circumstances. You deserved better from yourself and your wife.”
He couldn’t help but smile at the fact that she hadn’t let him off the hook for his culpability in the situation. But that was Janae, telling it like it is from her first breath drawn.
“I did.” He put his food container down to turn toward her. That’s what I’m trying to do now. Make better choices for myself, surround myself with people that care about me and who will let me care about them.”
Her smile broadened, and the sight of it warmed him again, tugging at a part of him he’d kept hidden for too long.
