When she didn’t offer any more conversation, he said, “Vague on the details. But you look good, Stella. Beautiful as ever. I’ve missed you. Every day I’ve thought about you. Every. Day.”
Disbelief washed over her. He expected her to believe that? Anger crackled in her veins. “You haven’t contacted me for months. You might as well be a stranger to me.”
Wade smirked. “That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think? We’ve never been strangers.”
He walked toward her. She caught a whiff of his soap and remembered how his scent lingered on her hands. He spoke to her in that unguarded voice he used when they were alone. “You know me better than anyone.”
In an instant, she recalled Wade disappearing without a word. Tumbling backward into the past created a hollow inside her, and the emptiness expanded.
“The man I thought you were wouldn’t have ghosted me. He would have answered at leastoneof my messages. But somehow you’ve thought about meevery day?” Stella pointed toward the exit,wishing her hand wasn’t trembling. “You should go. You don’t get to show up and act like everything that happened is okay. Don’t act like we’re friends. My heartstarvedin your silence.”
“Still my favorite wordsmith,” he said as though she wasn’t serious. “Can you honestly say you haven’t thought of me? That you haven’t missed me?”
Stella backed herself against the table. “How was it so easy for you not to contact me day after day?”
Wade frowned. “You knew how stressful life was for me. You knew the pressure I was under. Temporary changes had to be made.”
A sickly feeling slithered through Stella. Old wounds struggled to remain closed, but the woman she had been had burned up in the flames alongside the journal. That woman was ash, fertile ground for someone new to be reborn.
Stella clenched her jaw. Why hadn’t she seen howtemporaryshe was back then? Why had it taken her so long to realize the truth? At least clarity was with her now. Her insides trembled so hard that she felt herself visibly shaking.
“When you left I felt sick with grief and confusion. I actually believed in us. I believed you wanted a future with me, but it’s so clear to me now that was never your intention. You were happy to drag me along indefinitely so you could have it all.”
Wade reached for her hand, and for a moment, she let him intertwine his fingers with hers. His cold fingers sent a shiver up her arm.
“Stella, baby,” he said. “I never stopped thinking about you or loving you. I don’t have anyone in my life like you. I miss us. I missyou. We had a lot of fun. We had a good thing, didn’t we?”
Stella pulled her hand away. “No. We had a broken thing, a mess of a relationship where you came and went when you had time. If something had to give or be pushed aside, it was me. I was always the expendable one.” She walked past him. If he wouldn’t leave, she would.
But Wade grabbed her arm.
“Stella, I never pushed you aside in my heart. You’re still there. You’re still my favorite girl.”
Bright blue words sneaked across the books behind Wade.I miss you. I love you. You were my escape.Wade slid his hand up her arm, across her shoulder, and up her neck. “I still love you.” His hand crept down her arm. “I will always love you.”
Stella shuddered and stepped away. Any lingering desire she might have had for Wade had vanished. She wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He’d come to the festival withhis wifeand kids. Nothing was different from when they first started seeing each other. “And what has changed?”
His brow wrinkled. “What do you mean?”
Fury tore through her. She’d wasted too many days on Wade already. “What have you changed in your life that would make our situation any different? Would I not be theother womannow? Would I not be second? Or third or fourth or fifth? Maybe sixth if you place me behind your job as well? Would you havemoretime for me because you’d be free to spend time with me without either of us feeling ashamed of what we’re doing?”
Wade stared at her.
Stella shook her head. His lack of response said it all. “I think the answer you’re searching for isnothing. Nothing has changed because you were never going to change anything about your life for me.” She clenched and unclenched her hands. “Your silence and your leaving broke my heart. But your leaving was the greatest gift you could have given me. There’s no place for you in my life anymore, and even if there was, I don’t want you in it. I’ve always deserved more than you were willing to offer.” She turned and walked away.
Wade didn’t speak. A few seconds later, he called her name just as she reached the staircase. She sprinted down them as though hemight pursue her and ran to a broom closet on the first floor where she closed herself inside.
She leaned her back against the far wall and slid down, pushed a mop bucket out of the way, and pressed her knees into her chest. Then she hugged her arms around her legs, touched her forehead to her knees, and let hot, furious tears roll down her cheeks, releasing the last traces of emotional garbage she’d been carrying around in her heart since Wade left. An awareness of deliverance broke the surface, and for the first time since Wade had left, Stella felt truly free.
Some time later Jack opened the closet door and filled the small space with light. Stella blinked in the harshness of it.
“I’m going to assume you’re not rearranging shelves or searching for the perfect broom.” He stepped inside and held out his hand. Stella grabbed it and let Jack pull her to her feet.
She wiped at her cheeks. “How did you know I was in here?”
“I didn’t, although not for lack of searching. Darcy said he heard crying. Then I recognized Wade from the photograph you showed me. He was walking out of the library looking like a survivor of a great war.”
She’d never seen Wade upset about anything, not in any heartbroken capacity. Had she actually upset him? She assumed his heart was closed off and unaffected. How else could a man who professed to love her ghost her for months?
