Prava paused. His eyes shone with tears. “She is? Ah. How beautiful… I would have loved to see that. She is such a good mother to you girls. But does this mean I am never to see you again?” He gestured sadly at the invisible barrier separating their homes. “That it should always be like this?”
“Arris and I will come and visit one day,” said Demezla. “Well, at least I will… I don’t think the palace wishes for Arris to be anywhere near you. Sorry.”
“No, I understand,” said Prava. “I’d question the parenting choices of anyone who let their son near me. Though I am not so rabid as to attack him in my own home as a guest! I’m not a monstrous father-in-law.”
“Just a monstrous father,” said Demelza fondly.
Prava smiled. His teeth flashed. When he blinked, it was a slow thing, for while his eyelids opened and shut like a human’s, he also possessed a reptile’s nictating membrane, which shuttered across his serpent eyes. When they were little, Eulalia had tried to poke him in the eye with a quill but the quill got stuck in Prava’s second eyelid and when he looked elsewhere it swiveled about in a manner that frightened Eulalia so badly she refused to practice her letters for a year.
“You have probably not seen me so attired,” said Prava, smoothing his old coat. “I wore this to my wedding, you know, so I thought it would be a fitting occasion. Plus, your mother says I am devilishly handsome in this.” He smiled and then took a deep breath as he looked up at her. “Demelza, I’ve loved your mother for a long time… long enough to understand how she would wish to be loved. Long enough to understand that I have fundamentally failed her and also… that I don’t care. I have no desire to risk losing her, and so my love is selfish and airless. I know that. Your mother knows that too. I poison her with hope, you know… every day… just to make her life manageable. It is a kindness, for I would see her happy.”
Queen Yzara’s words floated back to her and Demelza’s stomach twisted. “That’s horrible, Father.”
“I am what I am,” said Prava, shrugging. “But… fatherhood has made me soft. The moment I saw you and your sisters, it was as if the world had cracked open. You girls were so… so tiny. Your feathers no more than the length of my pinky.” He dabbed once more at his tears. “I remember cradling each of you when you had nightmares. You know, Evadne was so silly, she used to sleep with her brow furrowed and furious… as if the night itself had offended her.”
Prava laughed, briefly lost in memories. When he looked at Demelza again it was with sorrow… and also hope. He opened his palms to her.
“I never want you to feel trapped, Demelza. I never want you to know a love that is airless. I do not want you to be controlled—”
“Arris cannot control me,” said Demelza. She lifted her chin, hoping the light of her rooms would glimmer against her necklace and the softly fluttering wings of her pendant. “The moment I transformed, he gave me back my key. He restored me to myself. There was no hesitation.”
She smiled proudly, expecting to see shock in her father’s eyes. But he bowed his head and looked away. He always did that when he did not wish to hurt them… it was why he never took the splinters out of her or her sisters’ palms when they fell. He could not bear to be the one to inflict pain. Frost crept through Demelza’s heart.
“And do you think I have not restored your mother’s key to her in a grand gesture of love?” asked Prava. “She used to wear it about her neck until she realized it made no difference.”
Demelza stared at him. “What are you saying?”
“When Araminta gave me her heart, it was for eternity,” said Prava. “A veritas swan can only love once. It doesn’t matter whether she wears her necklace or not… it is still mine. All I have to do is wish for it.”
“But Arris—”
“Arris does not know yet what he can do… but sooner or later he will,” said Prava. “And you cannot know what sort of husband he will be.”
“He’s not like you.”
“Not yet,” said Prava. “But if he loves fiercely enough, it can make any man a monster.”
Demelza’s heart began to race. Against her throat, the wings on her necklace trembled. She had wanted to wear it as a sign of trust. Now it was a taunt.
“There is, however, a way out,” said Prava quietly. “A way to free yourself from the possession of love. A way to keep yourself wholly safe.”
Sparks swirled and gathered in her father’s hands, slowly solidifying into the shape of a knife with a glass blade and a hilt of purest silver.
“You have been raised to believe that a veritas swan cannot live without her beloved, for when her beloved dies so too does she… and this is true. But not entirely true. You see, I would never send my beloved daughters out into the world if I did not know how to protect them or how to ensure that they might always protect themselves.
“In the course of my studies, I learned that the part of the veritas swan that dies when her beloved dies is merely a portion of her heart. What dies of her is her dream… what dies is a way of living, but not necessarily her,” said Prava.
“All those veritas swans who loved and lost and died did not perish because their beloved was deceased. They died of a broken heart, and it is my belief that they knew there was a choice to keep living and they decided not to. If your mother knew the whole of this, I’m sure she would have done away with me ages ago. Don’t look at me like that, child. I promised your mother honesty. It is not my fault if her questions are not as well worded as they could be.”
Slowly, Prava pushed the knife through the barrier. It clattered to the ground. It looked like a piece of ice.
“So you see, my darling Demelza, you have always had a choice. All you need to do is cut out his heart,” said Prava. “Cut out his heart and you shall be free.”
36Love Is Not Enough
It was very odd walking on two feet when one had spent several hours running around on four. Arris hadn’t quite shaken the urge to gallop and as he made his way to his chambers, he had to keep kicking out his leg to startle out the desire to paw the ground. Beside him, Yvlle looked downright terrible. Her hair was matted with blood and flopped over her eye patch, beside which was a large gash. When she grinned, her teeth looked rusted.
“What an excellent night,” she said, clinging to the stair banister.
