“But I wish to,” begged Urmila, reaching for Laxmana’s hands.
The look that passed between them was loving. Intimate. They were, Aru realized, husband and wife. It made sense that Laxmana had a wife, but Aru had never heard her name spoken.
“You cannot, my love,” he said. “I have to protect my brother. You know that. To ensure his safety I will not close my eyes for a single moment—”
“But that is not for you to decide,” said a voice, interrupting the scene.
Laxmana, Rama, and Sita looked up. A great pair of eyes opened just above them.A goddess’s eyes, thought Aru. They were thickly lashed and lined with kohl, with irises the color of a thousand midnights.
“You must take your sleep, for it is owed to me….”
“I cannot, goddess Nidra,” said Laxmana, pressing his hands together in prayer.
“Then who will?”
“Iwill,” said Urmila, raising her hand. “I…I will take my husband’s rest.”
The goddess’s eyes roved to Urmila, who looked as though she was trying her best to stand tall beside Laxmana.
“Sleep…unending…for years. The world will change, and you will not. Dust will be your bed of dreams. Is this truly the sacrifice you wish to make?”
Urmila faltered. Laxmana stared at her, his shoulders thrown back, his expression unreadable.
Urmila nodded. “For my husband, I will sacrifice those years.”
The moment the words left her mouth, Urmila swooned and fell to the ground. Laxmana knelt beside her, and the vision faded.
Aru looked up at Urmila, who was now dressed in a gown as in the story and silvered like a ghost. Nearly transparent.
“I lost years of my life,” she said. “I heard the courtiers laughing at my ‘sacrifice’ while I dreamed my way through autumns and monsoons, trapped in the Halls of Nidra for the sake of my love. My life held but a sliver of importance to the great quests and greater wars of godly kings and princes….Where were those who would sacrifice a night of rest for me? Where is the life I dreamed away? Perhaps a part of me has always been stuck here…in a dream that will not end.”
“Maybe we can change that. It may take us a while, but if you let us go and we win the war, then we can come back for you—” tried Aru, but Urmila shook her head.
“No,” she said. “I will wait for no one. Not anymore. And frankly, child, why should you carry such burdens? What do you owe the world after what it’s done to you?”
Aru felt Urmila’s eyes burning into hers, and shame curled around her thoughts. Shame because Aruagreedwith her. Whatdidshe owe the world after all that had happened? Whydidthe Pandavas have to do this? Where was everyone else?
“Good-bye, children,” said Urmila. “Sweet dreams.” She hovered off the ground, angling forward.
“Get back here!” yelled Brynne. She spun out her wind mace, but the stream of air merely went through Urmila. The forest debris swirled around them, agitated by the sudden blast of Brynne’s power. Aru uselessly swiped at the hem of Urmila’s gown, as if she could tug her back to the ground, and her hand met something solid….
Urmila turned and glared at her before vanishing into the trees along with the rest of the night mares. A silver anklet now lay in the middle of Aru’s palm like a token. It was so cold it burned her skin, and she nearly dropped it.
“ARU!” screamed Mini.
Aru glanced up as a wall of black detritus shot from the ground. The sound of the swirling leaves, twigs, and needles was like the buzz of a thousand flies. Aru looked over her shoulder. A few feet away, Rudy snored on, oblivious to the storm around him. Next to him, the four little beds of pine needles glowed softly…invitingly.
“Aru, get back!” said Brynne. “What are you doing?”
The wall of debris and sleep moved closer. If she lifted her arm, it would be inches away. Sleep would be instantaneous. Urmila was right. Aru was so tired and so angry, and so tired ofbeingangry that all she really wanted in this moment was a good long nap. If she touched the wall, she wouldn’t even know that she’d let everyone down. She wouldn’t know anything. And there was a dangerous escape in that blankness that made the muscles in her arm twitch.
Aru, come back….You have to come back!
But the words were lost in the sound of the dead leaves, which no longer seemed so noisy. It made Aru think of one of Kara’s favorite words:susurrus.
It sounds like what it means,Kara had once said.It’s…it’s an honest word. No tricks to it, just sound and poetry. I think that’s why I like it so much.
No tricks to it…There was something comforting in that knowledge.Susurruswas the quietshush-shushof rustling things—autumn leaves, blankets, thoughts on the edge of sleep. Aru had just closed her eyes when a voice sliced through the comforting buzzing….
