“Oh man!” Carter says. “That’s really exciting, Mags.”
“Thanks.” But already I see his mind spinning, his light dimming. I try to kiss the brightness back into him. “Are you okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, of course,” Carter says, staring past me at the car ceiling. “I just...”
“I know.” I shift my body off his, and we both sit up. “I’m sorry.”
The few times college has come up since we got back together, it’s had this effect on Carter. I get it, but I’d prefer not to talk about it. I want to focus on how his tongue tastes. On how good it feels when he touches me. When it’s just the two of us, escaping the rest of the world. No talk of the future. Or the past. Just the present.
“You don’t have to apologize,” Carter says. “It’s great. You’re going to college. Youshouldgo to college. Like Lincoln. Like Manny. And I’ll stay here, and when my birthday comes, I’ll probably loop back and forget you anyway, so it’s whatever, you know? And, unlike this time, I won’t even see you in the hall at school, so—”
“Hey,” I say, putting a hand on each side of Carter’s face and looking into his eyes. His beautiful green eyes. “Maybe don’t think about that yet, okay? Let’s just... Let’s be here together now. You know?”
After a moment, Carter nods, giving me such a sweetly vulnerable look that I must kiss him again immediately. Our lips touch, and something inside me uncoils. He’s very good at kissing.
“Do you think,” he says between kisses, “apologizing to Layla might actually be the thing?”
I pull back and stare at him.
“That gets me out of this?” he clarifies, as if I don’t understand what he’s talking about.
“Well,” I say, because of course I know there’s no way that apology will do what he’s hoping it will. “I mean, I think... DUCK!”
“What?” Carter says.
I tackle him down to the seat so that we won’t be seen by the people I know who are walking perilously close past our window.
“Whoa!” Carter says. “What’s happening?”
“I’m sorry,” I say, an inch from his face. “This girl Renata from school was passing by with some other folks. Renata’s friends with Marigold, and Marigold’s friends with Chord, so, you know...”
“I see,” Carter says, a smile in his voice. “Not intense at all.”
“I feel bad, okay?” I say, laughing.
“But you did break up with him, right?”
“Of course!” I ended things with Chord the day after Carter and I first made out. (I haven’t been cheating on him this whole time. I’m not a total monster.) “But I didn’t say it was because of you, so I... I just don’t want him to know about us yet.”
“Fine, all right,” Carter says, resting his hands lightly on my back. “But that doesn’t explain why your mom can’t know about us either. Unless you’re worried she’s gonna tell Chord during one of their regular FaceTimes.”
“Ha!” I say. “Touché. I guess it’s like... I don’t know. Everything’s so bonkers with Mom’s wedding coming up. She’s out of her mind enough already. I want us to be able to figure out what this is before bringing other people—and their opinions—into it.”
“Will your mom have an... opinion about me?”
“I’m not really sure,” I say, scrambling for words. “But she knows how painful it was for me last time when you...”
“Yeah, I get that.” Carter’s hands slide under my shirt, up along the skin of my back. “Though, I hate to break this to you—I’m pretty sure my parents are on to us.”
Seeing as I’ve been to his house three more times since that first night, always hanging out in his bedroom with the door closed, that makes sense.
“I know.” I slip my hands under Carter’s T-shirt, up along his chest. I move my mouth closer until it’s a millimeter from his.“And soon everyone else will know too. Okay, Carter Cohen?”
“Okay, Maggie Spear.” He presses my body toward his before kissing me again. “I gotta admit,” he whispers into my ear. “The hiding thingiskinda hot.”
Carter
“Link! Hey!” I shout into my phone. “You’re actually there.”
