And everything changed.
Look, considering the history, did some part of me understand that getting a job there might mean an encounter with Carter? Possibly! But I’d gone there so many times the previous summer, and he was definitively not an employee. And it always seemed like such a fun place to work!
During my second shift, a sunny Tuesday after school, Carter walked in five minutes after me. I froze like a gallon of moose tracks.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hi.” It was my first time talking to him since he’d asked if I thought he could balance a ketchup bottle on his finger, and he lookedexactly the same.Which meant, yes, he retained a goofy, distinctly adorable quality; even after my immersion in a yearslong anti-Carter propaganda campaign, I could still see that.
But I didn’t want to say anything more to him thanhi.
I really didn’t.
It felt too gross, like I was betraying Vivian.
It was just the two of us working, though—other than our supervisor Lloyd, who spent most of his time in the back onhis phone—so how could I not speak to him? If only as a coworker?
“Have we ever met?” Carter asked, once he’d officially punched in on the iPad.
I didn’t have a response to that.
“I only ask because I’ve worked here in past years, though not last year, I don’t think, but I have this weird condition where—”
“Yeah. I know,” I said. “About your condition.”
“Right, yeah.” He grinned, but there was more sadness than joy in it. “I guess most people do.”
“But, uh...”Of course I’ve met you!I wanted to say.My sisterlovedyou. We’ve spent literal hours talking about you and analyzing you and cursing your name and calling you a stupid farthead!“I don’t think we’ve met.”
“Okay. Cool.”
I didn’t feel great about the lie, but I also didn’t think I owed this heartbreaker anything. In a way, I was protecting Vivian. That’s what I told myself.
But, as Carter and I talked the rest of that shift, I was betraying Vivian too.
He just didn’t seem like such a villain to me, though. I liked talking to him. I liked his jokes. I liked the way he playfully nudged me with his elbow.
And, let’s face it: I liked that I had somehow become Vivian behind the ice cream counter in that scene engraved in my brain from when I was eleven. Now the floodlight of Carter’s affection was directed atme.
It felt amazing.
So what was the harm in making a joke back?
Or in talking about how annoying my mom had been that morning?
Or in hanging out with Carter after a shift sometimes?
The first time Carter tried to kiss me was in his car on the first day of July. I dodged his lips and made up a reason why I had to go.
I’d let things get out of hand, and I felt horrible.
But the more I thought about it, the more it seemed silly to run from whatever this was. Vivian was with Carterfive years ago. She was so far past that now, in college living her best life, hooking up with all sorts of people. And Mom was a year into her relationship with Ron, still, somewhat sickeningly, reminding me of Vivian when she was first dating Carter: always in an incredible mood, her mind constantly on Ron even when he wasn’t around.
So, really, screw them. Carter was pursuingme.And chances were, he wouldn’t remember any of what had happened with us five months from then anyway.
So, a week later, I kissed him.
We kissed a lot after that.
