Memory of a fucking elephant.
“I could have phrased that better.” My heart clenched with guilt.
She was jaded, a shell of herself. I couldn’t imagine what the past three years had been like for her; didn’t even want to think about it. And now I was here, ready to drag her back to the VIA. I was always the bad guy in her story, and something inside me hatedthat.
You’re the bad guy in everyone’s story.
“Really? You don’t say. I did get the upper hand on you, though. Is your pride still hurting from that?” Her smile peeled, a cocky quirk to her brow.
Something flared in her eyes — the spark she had when she wanted to fight. It brought life back into the blue, and I leaned in, grinning. If she wanted me to play the part, then I would. If only to get some sense of the old Alex back.
“Because I wasn’t actively trying tohurt you,dumbass. You’re five-foot-nothing and can’t throw a punch to save your life. Your ability was always best suited forintelligence,not combat. Why are you so fucking stubborn about it?”
Because you’re good, and you fucking know it, and you never backed down from me. Don’t back down now. Make me your punching bag, I can take it.
Alex took the bait.
“And why are you such an asshole? Joon saw what I could do; hebelievedin me,” she snapped.
The name stung. It made my chest clench and my jaw work as I stared her down. It took time, but after we became partners, I’d finally realized what Joon wanted to accomplish. Equality between Heroes, between Variants. He saw the rot in our system, but he didn’t see the roots, didn’t experience how deep it could go. Nothing was ever guaranteed.
He would have understood, if I just knew how to explain myself. Maybe Alex would have, too.
It was too late to go back. Now, I wanted that fire to light inside of her, wanted to pull her out of whatever the fuckthiswas.
“I’m not saying you’re weak, Alex. I’m saying your ability is better suited for missions that don’t end in blood being spilled. Am I such a bad guy for believing that?” I’d meant it to come out harsher, to make her snap back at me, but I sounded nearly desperate.
She went quiet, her gaze tracking to the side as the scene shifted again. It didn’t seem intentional—her eyes went blank, and she chewed her cheek as her mind wandered. We were back at the Academy; pews set up for the students, the scent of wood shavings in the air. I sat behind her, a notebook opened to a blank page — thefirstpage. The devil was always in the details, with her. I never made it past the first page in my notebook. It was still empty when I graduated.
Beside me, light shimmered, and my stomach dropped.
Joon sat beside me, his arms tense as he leaned forward, a grin on his lips. Focused, eager,alive.This wasn’t a memory, though. Joon was never in classes with us. Alex put him here.
“I guess not,” she whispered, turning in her seat as Joon cocked his head at her with a grin. “If he couldn’t make it, how can I? I’m useless compared to him.”
His lips moved, and though no sound came out, I was sure of what was said.You’re not useless; you just need to find your bite.
“I can’t remember his voice,” she croaked, “not completely, anyway. No matter how hard I try, I can never make him talk.”
“How often do you do this, Alex?” I whispered, eyes still wide on Joon.
He grew somber, and she stayed silent. Is this where she’d disappeared to? Spent three years in a daydream with him? Was this why she was so hollow?
“This isn’t healthy.”
Her blue eyes finally glanced in my direction, rimmed with tears as her cheeks flushed bright pink. “I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know how else to see him.”
“You don’t. He’s dead, Alex. We don’t get to see him again.”
She didn’t respond, and I was suffocating. How would Joon bring her out of this? He sat there watching her with those intense dark eyes before turning to me. He was begging me to break her out of this, to free her from this fucking prison she’d put herself in. Even something she created knew this wasn’t right.
I ground my teeth and reached out, snatching her by a small horn, an action Iknewwould get a reaction. She yelped and raised her hands up, heat rising to her cheeks as she cut me a glare. But I kept tugging, pulling her head toward me as I leaned over the table.
“Hey, sleepy Sloth,” I murmured, forcing her to look at me instead of Joon. “How long are you gonna keep me as your prisoner? I’m not fond of nap time.”
A citrus scent that wafted from her hair and made my mouth water. Her daydreams had become so detailed; if I weren’t aware of her power, I’d be sure that this was reality. Soft, silken hair brushed against my knuckles as I continued to hold on to thecool metal of her horn. She sneered at me before glancing back to Joon, and I tugged her closer, nearly making our noses touch.
“Look at me, not at him. I’m talking to you,” I whispered.
