“Oh, don’t go all Ross and Rachelon me,” she snapped. “Even if there was a question whether we were officially broken up or not—”
“You never gave me the chance to talk it out, Vivien. You made the decision and you flounced out.”
“Regardless of whether were we on a break or not, your screwing Lissa finalized it all. You couldn’t have cared about me that much—you couldn’t havelovedme,” she said, throwing the word back in his face, “if you could go from me to three hours later being with someone else.Thatwas all I needed to know.”
“I wasn’twithLissa,” he said, frustration blazing in his eyes. “It was one night, and it was a mistake. A huge mistake. I didn’t want or expect it—”
“You must have wanted it enough to end up in her bed,” she interrupted.
“She was very insistent,” he said. “And I was pretty drunk.”
“Oh, for God’s sake. Really? That’s your excuse? She seduced you? Give me a fucking break.”
He looked away. His jaw moved; his lips pursed. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, still looking away. Then he murmured, “Men can be sexually assaulted too.”
Vivien froze. There was a sudden roaring in her ears as her body went hot.
Had he just said what she thought he’d said? No, that was…
“What did you say?”
He spewed out a long breath and looked over at her. There was something in his eyes—so stark and bleak—that made her feel weak and lightheaded. “I didn’t want it. I didn’t want her. She asked me to walk her home, and I did—though someone should have been walkingmehome. And then we got inside her place, and she wouldn’t let me leave. I was drunk, but not too drunk to, uh, get it up, but it was all her, and I was too drunk to fight her off…” He looked away, and his Adam’s apple shifted as he swallowed. “It was not a pleasant experience.”
Vivien could do nothing but stare at him. Her insides curdled and the wine she’d had churned in her stomach. His expression left no doubt that he was telling the truth.
“It’s difficult enough for women to talk about being assaulted,” he went on in a low voice, “so imagine how hard it would be for a guy. We’re all supposed to enjoy it when women are climbing all over us and sticking their hands down our pants, grabbing us, and…” He shrugged. “It’s not like that.”
“Jake.” Her voice cracked. “I’m so sorry. I’m so…sorry.”
He grimaced and looked up, brushing the hair out of his eyes. “The next day, I was not in good shape. I couldn’t talk to you, Viv. I just couldn’t let myself—I felt sick and dirty and…then I had to worry about whether she’d get pregnant.”
“God.”
“Yeah.” He scrubbed his forehead with three strong fingers. “And obviously, word got around—and then you just cut me off. You wouldn’t talk to me, take my calls, answer my texts… And honestly—yeah, I was done with you at that point. It was too much.”
Vivien’s insides had gone from tight and painful to wobbly and sickly. “I’m sorry.”
He looked at her with those dark, compelling eyes. “I am too.”
She buried her face in her hands, then pushed all her damp hair up and away from her cheeks and looked over at him. “I should have at least talked to you. I’m sorry, Jake. I know it doesn’t mean much now, but I’m really, really sorry—not just because of what happened with you and Lissa,” she said, holding up a hand when he would have spoken, “but because I didn’t handle any of it well. Our breakup. I was rash and immature and…you were leaving me.” She sighed, feeling ugly inside. “I was wrong about so many things.”
“You were. And I didn’t have the strength to fight for you—for us, I mean. It was an awful, upsetting time. I told myself it was for the best, so I could focus on my residency. A fresh start.”
“Right. And you did it,” she said, trying to smile. “I never congratulated you, Doctor.”
“Thank you.” His smile was as weak as hers.
Vivien looked away. She didn’t know what to do with herself right now. More than a decade, thinking the worst of the man she’d loved, and now to learn that things hadn’t been quite the way she’d remembered…or thought…and facing up to her own immaturity then…and now.
“I think I should probably leave now,” she said after a moment.
“All right.”
She was a little surprised that he didn’t argue, didn’t try to convince her to stay—but what had she expected? If she hadn’t been so stubborn and rash back then…and short and rude over the last few days…
Oh, damn, she was a freaking mess.
Chapter Eleven
