“Do you feel how I soared when I won?”
“I can.” I close my eyes and let the memory wash over me. The crowd roars and the broken, half-dead boy yells his rage and pain and triumph to the rafters.
“I loved you then,” I say softly.
“I loved you when you fell out of the apple tree when you were six. I loved you when your mother tried to break your bones.” He strokes along my nose. “Here. I loved you when you refused to give in, when you curled into a ball and protected yourself, when you dreamed about escaping, when you took your final waking breath each night before falling asleep and allowed your soul to join your Alphas in the space between the stars. I loved you when you wept silently in your toy chest, when you soared with your teammates, when you stood up for yourself again and again, when you broke down and wished for death. I have always loved you, Lana.”
I don’t realize I’m crying until I sniffle. Then a sob breaks through as he pulls me tightly against him, his big hands holding me together so the cracks don’t show. Or maybe he and Kyte and Jeren are the gold that fill those broken spots and make them beautiful. Either way, I cling to him, gaining solace from the male who takes pleasure in slamming me into the mat more often than not. But with him, that’s a certain sort of love, too. One I want to explore, to taste.
“Right now?” His grip tightens at the back of my neck.
I laugh and smack his chest. “No, perv. Mind your own thoughts.”
He grins and kisses my temple. “Tease.”
“Lunch.” Tilda’s voice comes out of nowhere as she appears in the doorway.
I jump in Ceredes’s arms, but he stands and puts me on my feet with his usual stoic nonchalance.
“Tilda.” His greeting is less than enthusiastic.
She has enough enthusiasm for both of them. “Let’s go. I packed plenty of food.”
“I’ll catch up with you after. We’ve got some new weapons.” Ceredes hitches his thumb at some crates along the back wall. “I want to try them out, see if anything is a good fit for you.”
“Okay.” I get up on my tiptoes, and Ceredes leans down to kiss me.
Tilda’s grinning when I part from him and join her in the hall. “All three, my sweet little profligate?” she teases.
“How do you know?”
She shrugs. “I know things. But you’re going to give me all the details.” She hefts the basket in her left hand. “So much food.”
“Thank god, I’m starving.”
“We can talk by the fountain without being overhead.” She stops and pins me with a hard look. “When I said ‘all the details’ I meant ‘allthe details’ or I’ll dump your food in the water.”
“Harsh.” I laugh.
“Yeah, well, until I find my own Alpha, I’ll have to live vicariously through you, so spare nothing and you won’t go hungry.”
I shrug as we walk out into the daylight. “There’s one thing I keep thinking about. I thought I would feel different, you know? Like I’d feel … maybe older? I know that’s dumb.” I try to ignore the stares from everyone in our vicinity. The other cadets are curious or guarded, sometimes a mix of both whenever they see me or my Alphas. Uaxin is already waiting by the statues, her one visible eye tracking us.
I backtrack on my words as we reach her. “Well, Idofeel different. The circle is stronger than ever. I can sense my Alphas down to my bones, and Iknowthem. It’s like I’ve known them my whole life, so this love we share isn’t new. It’s old and deep and rooted. Aged.”
“Like cheese?” Tilda offers.
I narrow my eyes at her. “Like wine.”
She laughs. “So you don’t feel different, but everything is different?”
“Yes.” I pull some terranseed bread from her lunch basket that’s mostly stuffed with meat.
Uaxin takes a piece and sits on the stone terrace, her legs crossed.
Tilda wolfs down a piece of meat from the basket. “You are different. Glad we got that out of the way. Now tell me about each knot one by one and blow by blow of how you got down and dirty with them. I can make a list with bullet points or keep sort of a mental tally of all the mating acts you performed. Doesn’t matter, just start talking.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t kiss and tel—”
