I understand. I also think you feel that if you’re here with me, you can console me. Why would I need consolation? In your world, doesn’t everyone have a lifemate? Is it a good thing or a bad thing?
That was a challenge. She made it clear to him that she wanted the truth. She wasn’t going to pretend she was on board with what he’d done or that she would accept his explanation, but she did expect him to provide her with one, whether he was there in person or not.
The lifemate binding ritual is imprinted on a male before he is born. When he is born, his soul is split; all darkness goes into him, and the light finds its way to his lifemate. She must guard that half of his soul from all enemies. Carpathian males, as they age, are very dangerous. They are incapable of feeling emotion or seeing in color. Only a true lifemate can restore those things to him. Carpathian women were raised to know they guarded the soul of a warrior, and one day he would find her and the ritual binding words would be said to them. The vows only work on a true lifemate. The soul is restored, and the warrior is safe from turning vampire.
Her heart thudded hard. Luiz had alluded to some of what Tomas was saying, but she hadn’t really understood.You could become a vampire?
All Carpathian males spend centuries hunting and killing the undead. They remove all evidence of their existence. Sometimes the ones they hunt are family members. Or friends they grew up with. We have a strict code of honor, but when centuries pass without color or emotion, one looks for something, anything, to feel. It is necessary to find our lifemate and restore our soul to keep us from turning. Killing while taking blood can provide a rush.
Now she could barely breathe.Stop for a moment and let me process what you’re saying.She was grateful he wasn’t standing in front of her with this explanation. He might think it would have been easier for her to understand, but she wasn’t Carpathian. She’d never heard of them—at least she didn’t think she had. Carpathians terrified her, and the concept of them terrified her. The idea that they would kill while taking blood sent her mind reeling.
Sarika did deep breathing, trying to understand her reaction. She had expected the things Tomas would reveal to be huge. She didn’tthink the lifemate thing was trivial. Why was she reeling so badly? She could almost hear doors in her mind creaking. Rattling. Trying to open.
Those memories were sealed closed for many reasons. Her mind could never accept her nightmares as reality, and the nightmares were horrendous. The things she witnessed in those visions were so terrifying she couldn’t face them. Especially if they were real and the culprits turned out to be Carpathian.
She didn’t have panic attacks over most things, but she did when it came to those nightmares. She was incredibly strong. She believed in herself. In her training. And she’d trained hard in self-defense simply because she traveled the world, and going into other countries, some unstable, some dictated solely by men, she wanted to be able to depend on herself to escape any situation.
That wasn’t the case here. This rainforest was triggering things best left alone. Tomas’ explanation shouldn’t have sent her into a full-blown panic, but it had. She needed to calm herself to allow Tomas to continue. She didn’t want him there with her to observe her reactions to the things he was telling her. She’d asked him. No, made it a demand, insisting on learning her way, and he had given her enough respect to do so even though he felt that decision wasn’t the best.
She always made tea for herself when she woke, no matter the time of day or night. On automatic pilot, she made her way into the kitchen. The ritual of making tea was as soothing to her as the actual drinking of it. She wasn’t even surprised that Luiz had the kitchen stocked with her favorite brands of herbal teas. Chamomile was her tea of choice. It provided a soothing calm and combated anxiety. It was loose-leaf, her preference, and with the kettle and infuser set right out with the choices of tea, Luiz had made it easy for her to have whatever she needed at her fingertips.
She put the water on to boil and walked over to the window to look at the view. The tree house had an incredible panorama of the surrounding jungle. Tropical flowers climbed tree trunks, giving joyful,gorgeous splashes of color as a backdrop to the hundreds of various shades of green. What would it be like to travel through such beauty and never see it? Tomas and his brothers had frequented many rainforests in various countries. She knew because she followed T. Smolnycki Jr. and the good he was doing for those habitats. And if not seeing that beauty for centuries, what would it be like to suddenly have all that change? The shades of green were vivid. The flowers vibrant, even at night. Some of the plants came alive at night.
Did you remember the beauty of the rainforest?
Those memories were lost to us many centuries ago. My brothers helped to keep what we could alive, but eventually, over so long a time, those things fade until there are only gray shadows and the need to do battle with the enemy. We held out to find our lifemates when so many others succumbed to darkness. When judging my actions, I would like you to think of that. How long I have existed in a dull void. How long I refused to dishonor myself, my brothers, our people and especially you. You were that reason. That hope. The only safe haven I have. The only reason to keep my honor. Not only did you restore colors and give me my soul, but you gave me the ability to feel emotion. In turn, I can share those things with my brothers to help them stay on the path and keep to the code.
There was a lot to like about what he said. It did make her important to him. Perhaps too important. That would speak loudly to his making decisions that affected her life without giving her choices. That wasn’t a good thing. She should still have a say, be given the time to process his needs, but she understood better why he took the action he had. She still didn’t understand why those ritual binding words affected her the way they had and what changes in her they’d made.
I am doing my best not to be judgmental, Tomas. I will admit it is difficult to try to think in your point of view because your experiences are so different from mine. I understand a Carpathian woman growing up knowing she is a hunter’s salvation. Because she has known, probably since birth, it must be far easier for her than for someone who has no concept of such athing. Trying to put it in perspective, relating to your customs and imprints that become compulsions is extremely difficult for an outsider.
She didn’t want to be judgmental about his species. She didn’t know enough to pass judgment on him—not yet. It was difficult to push back her upbringing as an independent woman capable of making her own decisions. She was more human than anything else. Even her shifter side had been raised to be independent.
On the other hand, she felt Tomas’ struggle. That was one of the advantages of speaking telepathically with him that she appreciated. He might be able to read her emotions and her intent, but in turn, she could read his. She saw glimpses of the other males who were shocked that he didn’t do the things immediately necessary to bind her to him. That he hesitated to go against her wishes. He wanted to give her time, but whatever the reason he had come to Peru, he was under a severe time constraint, and he was walking into an extremely dangerous situation. Those were all factors that had persuaded him to go against his instincts to allow her time.
That knowledge helped her to step back from her own beliefs and arguments and listen to him. To truly try to comprehend his life and how hers was so entangled with his. She liked that he had hesitated. That he wanted her to make the decision to come to him of her own free will. She really liked that he wanted to be that man for her that would back her choices, even if his brethren didn’t agree.
That didn’t settle the problem of compulsive behaviors his species had imprinted on them. If he couldn’t resist those behaviors, what would a future with him look like?
Your species can become vampire if they don’t find their lifemate.She made that a statement.
Not a woman. She holds her own light as well as that of her partner. Most women are aware of this task, and it is often a huge one. Should an enemy become aware of the woman who holds the other half of a warrior’s soul, they will do everything in their power to take it from her, includingtorture. They would slay everyone she loves to force her to turn over that soul. Should they achieve their goal, they can turn that very dangerous hunter into a pawn for their own use.
She poured the boiling water into the small teapot over the infuser and slid a cozy over it to keep it warm. Then she poured water into the tea mug to warm it.
Why wasn’t I told I had this very unique and dangerous task? I had no idea. If some horrible vampire or one of your enemies I know nothing about had demanded I turn over your soul, I wouldn’t have had the least bit of an idea what they were talking about.
I do not know. If you are reborn multiple times before I find you, there is some indication that you carry the soul of a warrior.
Tomas was genuinely puzzled and struggled with an unfamiliar anger that she hadn’t been more carefully prepared—and guarded. He was very aware she had traveled the world in her capacity as an environmentalist, working to save habitats. She had focused on large animals, specifically cats, to do her veterinary work, but she had done so going into many dangerous situations. In his world, she would have been protected by every Carpathian, knowing she carried the soul of a warrior.
Perhaps the lack of knowledge was my protection,she ventured.How would your enemies find me? How would they know I carried your soul?
Vampires and others are capable of scanning memories of humans and shifters. It isn’t always easy with Lycans, but it can be done, depending on the power wielded by the individual.
Do not say “Lycans.” We’re already dealing with far too many scary things.She wasn’t kidding, and she could tell her little outburst left him amused.
No Lycans,he agreed promptly.
