“Rainier.” She whispered his name. For him. She had to make certain he was safe. If she was in the world, he never would be safe because, like now, he would come to her when she had a problem. She would always have a problem. One didn’t get over her kind of trauma. “You need to be safe. I have to make sure you’re safe.”
“Do you have your gun with you,Qadri?”
“Yes.” She could barely get the word out.
“Where is it?”
She choked back another sob. “I’ve got it in my hand.”
She heard dogs and then the murmur of another man’s voice. The engine of a plane roared to life. Her heart nearly exploded in her chest.
“I want you to put the gun down and push it away from you.”
That voice. Low. Firm. Absolute command. She always did what Rainier asked her to do, even when she didn’t like it. But this was for him. To keep him safe. To give him a life.
“You don’t understand. You’ll never have a life. Never. You’ll never be safe.” She tried to make him understand. Hehadto understand.
“Youaremy life, Shabina. I need you to do what I tell you.”
She shook her head. “I can’t go back to my parents. You don’t know what they’re like, what I’ve done to them. They used to be so happy. All my mother does is cry when she looks at me, and my father consoles her. I can’t breathe there. They watch me every minute of the day. Sometimes I think they look for an excuse to put me in a hospital.”
She wiped at her tear-wet face, the barrel of the pistol nearly hitting her cheek.
“You don’t have to go back to Houston.”
Rainier. So firm. But he didn’t understand. How could he? He was always strong. He could face anything. She’d seen him. He was like an avenging dark angel rising up in the worst of the sandstorms to take her away from Scorpion when no one could ever move in a sandstorm.
“I can’t be alone anymore, Rainier. That sounds so pitiful, I’m embarrassed. I have good friends. I do. They all rallied around me, gave up work to be with me. They did. They were so wonderful. But I always feel apart from them, no matter how hard they try to bridge that gap between us. I know it isn’t their fault, it’s mine.”
She curled into herself and let herself cry. She couldn’t have stopped if she tried.
Rainier was silent for a moment, and then his voice turned commanding. It was the one she recognized when he was finished arguing and he expected everyone just to do what he said.
“Shabina, I’m coming to you now. I’m close, so it won’t take long. I need to know you’ve put the gun on the floor and pushed it away from you. Do it now and confirm to me that you’ve done what I’ve asked you to do.”
She heard another man’s voice shouting. She could have sworn there was more than one man’s voice in the background. It would be like Rainier to bring a full security crew even when she’d told him repeatedly she didn’t want bodyguards. Only him. She only wanted him.
Rainier called back, and this time his answer was distinct as he replied to whoever had spoken. “Give me a minute. Shabina, we’re going to take off. I need to know you’ve put the gun on the floor, and you’re just going to sit there and wait for me. We’ll talk when I get there.”
“How can I stop you?” she whispered. “How can I save you if you don’t let me?” He just wouldn’t listen, and she was so tired and confused. Her brain didn’t seem to function.
“Qadri, you saved me a long time ago. Confirm that you put the gun down.”
She complied with his demand because she didn’t know what else to do. There was no stopping him. “It’s on the floor.”
There were the briefest moments of silence and then he spoke again. “I’ll be out of communication for just under half an hour. When I get there, don’t pick that gun back up and shoot me.”
Ordinarily, she would have tried to joke with him, but she didn’t have it in her. She hugged her legs tightly, rested her cheek on her knees and cried. She should have known she couldn’t stop Rainier. He was a force every bit as powerful as the worst of the sandstorms in the desert. What had he meant by she’d already saved him? He didn’t say things he didn’t mean.
Her head was pounding, the ache vicious. She couldn’t think clearly or sort through her thoughts. There was so much pressure in her chest that it felt as if her heart were shattering. It couldn’t be because the moment she realized she couldn’t keep Rainier away, it occurred to her that he might be walking into a trap where she was the bait, and her heart had broken into a million little pieces right then.
She’d destroyed so many lives. Her parents. The unity of her family. There had been a time when they’d all been happy. She hadn’t known another way of life except boarding schools and summer camps, traveling occasionally with her parents when her father was working outside the country.
Never once did she think her parents were worried while she was with Salman Ahmad and his tribe. When a video was made demanding ransom, she knew she looked healthy. She honestlyhadn’t thought they would be concerned about her. It had been drilled into her that kidnappings were simply a business and not to fight it. She hadn’t.
When she was away at boarding school, they didn’t seem particularly worried about her well-being. But she’d been a young teen then, not viewing the kidnapping from her parents’ perspective. Life with the tribe had been an adventure. She’d seen the others ransomed successfully and wasn’t in the least worried her turn wouldn’t come.
Shabina wiped unsuccessfully at the tears. Shenevercried like this, but she couldn’t stop no matter how many times she told herself to get control. She had lived in the desert with Scorpion, his cabinet and his mercenaries for just over six months. In that time, she’d experienced torture and rape, she’d witnessed the murders of innocent men, women and children. She hadn’t cried on the outside. She hadn’t given Scorpion or his men the satisfaction. On the inside, she’d screamed until her lungs and throat were raw, but she refused to give into tears.
