Diego didn’t want to hear that and was already shaking his head in denial before he could think how to react.
Joe leaned closer. “You can’t deny it, Diego. You know if you were able to do those things, it’s a miracle. Nothing less. You removed her spleen and fixed the damage…”
“Rubin had to reinforce my work. It didn’t hold up,” Diego said.
Joe turned his gaze on Rubin. “I thought you didn’t know about Diego’s ability.”
Diego had to restrain himself from defending Rubin. Rubin wouldn’t have welcomed his interference, and he had the feeling he was already skating on thin ice with Joe.
“I didn’t know about Diego’s ability until I arrived at the cabin and found him in a total crash situation. It was only when I went to examine Leila that I realized what he’d done. Diego, I’d like to agree with you that you don’t have a strong talent because I knowwhere that’s coming from, but if I’m to be truthful, your talent is every bit as powerful as mine. I may have more experience, but you’re every bit as capable.”
Diego shook his head again.
Joe studied his face, making Diego more uncomfortable than ever. “What is it, Diego? Why do you feel you aren’t capable?”
Inadvertently, his grip tightened on the nape of Leila’s neck. She relaxed against him, moving into him despite the arms on the chairs creating a space.
“I don’t feel the compulsion to heal in the way you do or Rubin does. It was a little shocking to feel it with Leila.”
“And Luther?”
Diego shrugged. “It was a matter of necessity to heal him. That’s what I did, but I wouldn’t call it a compulsion.”
“Is it possible that you trained yourself not to feel the need to heal because Rubin’s talent was strong?” Ezekiel asked.
Diego despised the conversation. He knew it had to take place and that none of the men present would give his secrets away unless Joe decided he had to be as guarded as Rubin. He needed to convince Joe that he couldn’t do surgery on just anyone.
Diego, you know that’s more than possible, Rubin whispered into his mind.From the time you were a child, our mother would tell you anything you were capable of came from a dark, evil place.
I’m an adult, not that child. I should know what I feel.But he wasn’t certain if that was true. Sadly, it was very possible that he had trained himself not to feel the need to heal a human. The need was extremely strong around animals. Over the years, he had convinced himself that healing animals, not humans, was his calling.
Joe’s gaze moved from Rubin to Diego, but this time he didn’t ask either of them to voice their conversation aloud.
Diego, think about it. Our mother drilled it into you from the time you were a toddler that anything you did came from a dark place. Sheeven got our sisters believing it, or maybe half believing. She was insane. I tried to shield you, but there was no convincing you when you were a kid because we didn’t talk about it. We never discussed it. We were trying to survive and keep everyone else alive.
Surprisingly, Rubin had included Leila in the communication. Her fingers pressed into his thigh.You can’t dismiss what he’s saying out of hand, Diego. You’re mortal, just like everyone else, and you have triggers. You have built-in beliefs that are so skewed you’re having an impossible time accepting who you really are.
Was he? He trusted Rubin more than any other person on the face of the earth. Rubin wouldn’t lie to him. He had always put Rubin first because he believed in him, and his brother had never let him down. He wanted to develop that same trust with Leila. When she used the more intimate path of telepathy, it was much easier to spot a lie. As far as he knew, she had never lied to him.
“I don’t know, Zeke,” Diego finally said. “We told you a little of our childhood. What we didn’t tell you was that our mother considered me to be a child of the devil.”
Silence followed his admission, both Joe and Ezekiel waiting for more of an explanation. It was Rubin who answered.
“She beat the shit out of Diego, even when he provided us with food in the winter. She was certain he had used magic to lure animals to him. She persuaded him that anything he did, no matter the good of the outcome, came from the devil. She was relentless, telling him day and night, refusing to allow him to sleep at times. It was the cruelest form of child abuse, but it was his normal. He accepted it in order to help me keep our sisters alive. It stands to reason that Diego might have trained himself not to feel the need to heal. I was always the saint, and he was always a sinner. Worse than a sinner. He was a child of demons.”
I don’t want their sympathy. Or their pity. That was all a long time ago.
Once again, he felt Leila move in his mind. This time she seemed to stroke a caress there. It was an intimate feeling, and soothing, as if they were already a solid couple and she had his back.
They have sympathy for a young boy, Diego. They’re just learning these things, and they care about you. You’re so lucky to have people who care.
His fingers tightened on the nape of her neck in a brief acknowledgment that she was right. He was extremely lucky. He had held parts of himself away from his brother, his sister-in-law and Ezekiel, the man who had kept him alive on the streets of Detroit. Malichai and Mordichai had always treated him like a brother. The way Joe ran his team of GhostWalkers, it had always felt like an extended family. And there was Nonny. And Luther.
I am extremely lucky. I appreciate your helping me see it.
Diego didn’t understand why he’d never realized just how lucky he truly was. He was a man who turned a spotlight on himself every day to check his behavior. He knew he was loaded with aggressive genetics. It was important to him that he didn’t turn into a bully—or worse, a killer.
“Let me say this, Diego. To operate in the conditions you did and save her life, your talent, without question, is powerful,” Joe said. “And there is no way it comes from a place of evil. You do an exchange, risk your life to save another. You knew that going in. We can discuss this at a later date. For the moment, I need you to continue with your report on what transpired after you did surgery on Leila.”
