You had so many weapons with you. You brought them all.
Not all. Just my favorites. The ones that mattered to me.He waited again, suddenly becoming aware the ground had settled, and Rubin was moving slowly back to him. There was concern on his face. He had to have caught parts of Diego’s conversation with Leila. She wasn’t adept enough to keep Rubin from hearing her. Like Diego, Rubin waited to hear what her verdict would be.
He needed to warn Leila just as he promised.You’re spilling over, connecting to both of us.
Rubin moved closer to Diego as if he could shield him from the coming blow. His features were unreadable, but his eyes were filled with compassion and love. Diego had always had that. No matter how brutal the circumstances of his childhood, he’d always had that unconditional love from Rubin. He’d learned to love the same way. Rubin had given him that.
Honey.The voice was soft, gentle, filling his mind with what felt like love. At least the beginnings. It was different from the way Rubin felt to him, but he recognized the emotion. He’d never thought he’d feel it from anyone other than Rubin. He knew his brother had to feel it as well. Diego had warned Leila that Rubincould hear her, but she’d still opted to give him that, to expose her vulnerability to his brother in order to let him know she wasn’t running away.
I think the best we can do for us, Diego, is ensure we have good communication at all times. Once you teach me your coping methods, I can be vigilant for signs to help you. We’ll have to make sure we always have strategies in place for you.
Could she be any more perfect? She recognized there was no cure. She knew she would be facing a lifetime of Diego fighting off demons, yet she was willing to stay. She didn’t immediately think she could fix him. She knew mental health issues were serious. She recognized why he had returned to his cabin, and she poured steel into her voice right along with that same beginning love. She was as determined as he was to face the illness head-on.
I believe that is a good idea.He didn’t know what else to tell her. It was a little overwhelming to think he could have ended his life in that one bleak moment of despair. Had he succeeded, he would have missed not only recognizing his brother’s needs and emotional support but also knowing Leila.
“We need to discuss your ability to perform surgery, Diego,” Rubin said aloud.
Diego was uneasy that Rubin deliberately didn’t break the connection with Leila. He had no idea what Rubin was going to say to him. He’d seen Diego’s work. Rubin had to do mop-up to fix any mistakes Diego made. Yes, he’d saved Leila’s life, but having Rubin dissect his work on the woman Diego wanted for his partner was humiliating. He’d never ever felt that way from anything Rubin had ever said or done, yet he already felt he was looking in a bad light.
“What you believe to be an absolute truth is actually another lie our mother beat into you,” Rubin said. His voice was back to his calm, matter-of-fact tone. The one that said he knew what he wastalking about, and he expected others to listen. “She told you everything you were able to do came from a place of evil. How many times did she say that to you? At least twice daily, sometimes over and over when she beat you. You were a child, Diego. You may think you know she was out of her mind, but how could the things she said and did not leave a lasting impression on you? They did me, and she didn’t beat me. She didn’t tell me I was a child of the devil.”
Diego frowned, for the first time not following Rubin’s reasoning. Yes, of course, he knew the things their mother had said and done were the ravings of a sick woman. But that didn’t have anything to do with his level of ability. His confusion must have been evident to his brother, because Rubin sighed and shook his head.
“A psychic healer is rare, you know that. To have the ability to do psychic surgery is almost unheard-of. There are a handful of us, Diego. Do you really think such a gift—a gift of saving lives, of healing others—came from the devil? The surgeon risks his life each time he performs surgery. It isn’t as if it’s easy or can be done thoughtlessly or without repercussions to the surgeon. You’ve experienced the crash. The pain. You’re operating on them and keeping them from feeling what you’re doing, but you can feel everything. That exchange is a choice we make to save the life of the person in need. There’s nothing demonic about that. Can you at least admit that?”
Diego still didn’t understand where Rubin was going with his statements. “I don’t believe psychic surgery is an instrument of the underworld. You have to admit everyone who has psychic talents has them in varying degrees. I can do a lot more with animals than you can, but you have that same ability.”
“I would have that same high level, Diego, had I taken the time to develop it,” Rubin objected. “When we were kids, we had to divide everything so carefully. We werechildren, Diego. Weassumed the roles of adults, but we weren’t adults. We had extraordinary gifts, yes, and we’re both extremely intelligent, but we were still children trying to keep our family members alive.”
“I’m well aware.”
“We have the same gifts, Diego. We always have. You didn’t have any real interest in lightning or diverting it, so you ignored that talent completely. I was intrigued, so I studied it carefully. Everything we did, everything we learned, we did to survive, and we got damn good at the things that kept us alive. You’re hell on wheels in the forest. I doubt that Gino or Draden could keep up with you if you wanted to show off your skills. Gino is an elite tracker, but you have that same ability. You don’t show it, but you developed it. I didn’t. I’m good. I get by, but I had you to lead the way. Same with shooting. I’m good, but you never miss.”
“Where are you going with this, Rubin?”
“You may not have worked on humans, Diego, but you’re a damn good surgeon when you’re wielding a knife in an operating room. You know human anatomy and your way around it. You practiced for years on animals with psychic surgery. I’m telling you that you’re every bit as skilled as I am.”
Diego was already shaking his head. “You had to go in after me and shore up the repairs. They weren’t holding.”
“They held when they shouldn’t have,” Rubin corrected. “You’re that good. She shouldn’t have been racing around the forest, leaping in and out of trees, not a week and a half after having her spleen removed. If I had done the surgery, the same thing would have happened.”
Diego kept shaking his head. He couldn’t comprehend what Rubin was saying.
“Keep in mind whenever I’ve done these surgeries, I have you or others with me to give me aid. Water, rest, blood. I have assistants. Even out in the field, I’ve got others, usually you, to ensureI’m okay. You had no one with you. You had to give blood to the patient several times. On top of that, you were exerting tremendous physical strength in carrying her up the mountain and hunting the enemy.”
“Rubin…” Diego trailed off. What could he dispute? Everything Rubin said was the truth. He never allowed Rubin to be alone when he was performing surgery because it was too risky.
“I’m telling you the surgery was superb. Every bit as good as what I can do, and you did it under very trying circumstances. I’m afraid you’re going to have to let go of the notion that somehow my work comes from heaven and yours from hell.”
13
Rubin insisted that both Diego and Leila rest the entire next day. For the most part, he left them alone while he put away the rest of the supplies he’d brought to the cabin. He cooked meals for them, but most of his time was spent talking to his Jonquille. He stayed outside so he wouldn’t bother the two of them, decreeing they should sleep as much as possible. Diego had no dispute with that. His body wanted to shut down, craving sleep.
Leila stayed close to him, cuddling against him. She hadn’t seemed like a woman who would want to be cuddled or touched, but she leaned into Diego, and when he’d reach for her hand, which was nearly all the time, she readily threaded her fingers through his. She didn’t object when he fell asleep with one arm curved around her waist.
Diego had no idea what to think of the revelations his brother had given him. He respected Rubin and his opinions but didn’t think he could possibly be right. Rather than dwell on it, he chose to sleep. He would need to be at full strength to bring Grace home.
He woke to the smell of stew. He recognized that particular aroma instantly. Rubin was making a favorite meal. The smell of fresh-baked bread filled the house. Diego untangled himself from Leila as smoothly and as quietly as possible and went to join his brother in the kitchen.
