“Such as?”
“I’m organized, so I’m fairly neat. But I looked around and you’re a neat freak. I might drive you crazy if I don’t put everything in its place. I forget to add half the things I need to my list most of the time. Sometimes I can’t stand to have the windows and doors closed. I feel like I can’t breathe. That could make you crazy.”
He burst out laughing. The sound was rich and had that underlying velvet tone that caught her every time.
“That’s it? That’s what you’re worried about? I have a list of things longer than your arm that are going to drive you crazy. Hopefully, I can find ways to make my shortcomings up to you. I’m good with paperwork. Rubin despises paperwork, so I got very good at it. Lists are a specialty. You want all the doors and windows open; we’ll make sure we have good screens. The swamp can be very humid, and insects seem to like to invade our homes there. I happen to like space, so it won’t bother me to have the house as open as possible.”
“Doesn’t it bother you that you have an answer for everything?”She set her plate down on the little table and picked up the water glass. It wasn’t her smartest move because her hand trembled. She wanted to put it down to weakness, but she wasn’t certain that was the reason. He was freaking her out just a little bit with his absolute certainty.
“No, does it bother you?”
“I don’t know. I think you should have more concerns. You don’t know me that well.” That was honesty, not having low self-esteem. At least she thought it was a legitimate reaction. “No one can predict if a partnership will work out or not.”
His eyebrow shot up, and that slow grin of his took her breath. “I learned from a very young age to be decisive. I’m fortunate in that I have a mind that works very fast and processes information at a rapid speed. You do as well, although you tend to take your time to think something through. I have a little experience on you, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t going to catch up with me rapidly, because you are. You just have to learn to trust yourself.”
“Are you ever wrong?”
“Rarely, but it happens. No one is right one hundred percent of the time, and I’m well aware of it. The mistakes I’ve made have been monumental when I’ve made them. Hopefully, I never repeat them. I also am an excellent listener. I’ve had to be in order to better protect Rubin and the others in my unit. If I make mistakes with you, I’ll want immediate communication so I can modify my behavior. I haven’t really lived with anyone for a long while. I eat with Nonny often, but I try to fade into the background if possible. I don’t interact as much with the others as I appear to. That means I’m bound to make mistakes in our relationship, but I can promise you I’ll only make them once.”
She didn’t quite understand how asking him if he was ever wrong had led to him making assurances to her. She was doing herbest to caution him about her shortcomings, but he kept turning the subject around to assure her.
“Diego, I have no doubt that you believe we can be good together if we both make that commitment and want it enough to work at it.” How could she explain to him how confused she was feeling without pushing him away? She wanted to be with him, but it was disconcerting to her when she’d never had those kinds of affirmations in her life. How could she believe in him? She had Grace to think about. She knew no other way of life than the one she had.
She didn’t like her life. The only bright spot in it was her daughter and Marcy Chariot, the commander’s wife. Leila wanted to be with Diego, but she barely knew him. Her instincts had always been good, and the chemistry between them was explosive. She liked him.But.Wasn’t there always a “but”?
He stood with his easy grace and took the plate she’d put on the table along with his and carried them to the sink. She caught a glimpse of his face, and he was back to that expressionless mask she knew he showed the world. Her heart sank. She’d most likely sabotaged the best thing that could have ever happened to her.
She wasn’t a coward. She never had been. For the first time in her life, she wanted something solely for herself. She wanted Diego. She just wasn’t certain how to go about it.
“You know, Leila, you’re right. I shouldn’t push you so hard. There are a lot of things to consider, especially since you’re a mother.” He glanced at her over his shoulder, his dark hair falling across his forehead.
“Diego, I don’t feel pressured by you.” He could make her heart stop with that one look. “I really don’t. You’re saying all the things I want to hear.”
“You don’t really see me, Leila. The truth is, no one sees me.That’s on me. I’m good at deception. I thought with you I could be different. I want to be seen by my partner. I doubt if anyone else will ever know me. I wanted that with you, but pushing you when you’re not ready isn’t a good idea.” He gave her another faint grin that didn’t reach his eyes. “I suppose that could be considered a form of bullying.”
“I didn’t feel bullied. Believe me, I’d tell you if I did. I felt as if someone—you—cared for me for the first time in my life. I feel that way every time you talk to me or do anything for me. It isn’t because you saved my life; it’s because I do see you.”
“Maybe you only think you do.”
She had to find a way to get him to be open with her again. He had closed himself off. He still had that low, gentle tone with her, but he wasn’t using the voice—the one she instinctively knew he had reserved only for her.
“You mentioned your mother a couple of times. What was your father like?” She truly hoped he’d been a good man who loved his wife and children.
Diego leaned one hip against the sink, half turned to face her. Again, that dim light seemed to wash over him, putting shine in his hair and casting his face in a shadow. His eyes held a peculiar glow to them, almost as if he were a wolf or a large cat of some kind. Hunter’s eyes. Eyes that could see in the dark. Eyes that could look inside you and expose your soul.
“My father was a very stern man. He and my mother were extremely religious, and just about everything was a sin. Telling my sisters stories of fairies and fantasy was a sin. Missing a deer with a single bullet was a sin. Pretty much everything was.” He went silent.
Leila’s heart sank. She had hoped for a good memory of his father. He had to get his code somewhere. It hadn’t been from his mother.
“On the other hand, there was a lot more laughter in the house with my father around. He cushioned my mother all the time, although he was insistent on having children. He believed it was her fault that she had so many girls when they needed sons. Rubin tried to tell him he was responsible, but my father didn’t take kindly to a very young child telling him anything about the reproductive system. He could never quite accept the fact that Rubin was brilliant. My mother, as sick as she was, recognized it.”
Leila wondered why neither of his parents saw the genius in Diego. It was there for anyone with half a brain to see.
“My father may have been exacting, but he taught us how to survive. To fish, hunt, track, to live off the land. If we hadn’t had him, Rubin and I wouldn’t have made it.”
She saw through the little he told her about his life. He’d lived under harsh conditions and simply accepted it. His childhood was where he’d learned that calm acceptance.
“Tell me something no one knows. Not even your brother.”
