He burst out laughing and her heart nearly stopped. She found him utterly attractive when he wasn’t smiling, but laughing turned her inside out. She slipped further down that slippery slope of no return.
“Iamconfident because I have reason to be. And if that makes me appear arrogant, so be it. Just know you can depend on me to take care of you. Men don’t fuck up around me. You aren’t flirtatious with other men. When you’re withme, you look only at me, and I appreciate that trait in you. Everything about you appeals to me.” He stretched out his legs on either side of her, satisfaction gleaming in his eyes.
“See,Solnyshkuh, I wanted you in front of me, looking up at me with your incredible eyes, and you sat on the floor without hesitation. Most women would think it was demeaning or that I meant it in a negative way, as if I put myself above you.”
Azelie didn’t know how to respond to that. She liked looking up at him. It hadn’t occurred to her that he might be elevating his position over her. If she didn’t like something, she would simply refuse to do it—unless she decided she wanted to do it to make him happy. In that case, she would weigh what it meant to him before she decided.
She waited in silence, her heart pounding just a little out of control.
“The fact that you’re willing to do things for me is important.”
Andrii rubbed the bridge of his nose, a small frown drawing his eyebrows together. It was the first time he showed that he was uncomfortable with the conversation. Reluctant even. That made her strangely happy. She knew he was going to share something about himself he didn’t share with others.
“You said you needed to be in control at all times. Not just in the bedroom.”
He nodded slowly. “There especially. But when we go out together, it is necessary that you understand I’m in control, and when I ask something of you, you do it.”
Her eyelashes fluttered, hopefully concealing the way she was feeling. Conflicted. Scared. Excited. She moistened her lips. Took several breaths. He was conveying something extremely important that would affect her. He was explaining how their relationship would play out. She needed to hear him and understand what he was saying so there would be no misunderstanding later. She realized Andrii wanted her to know exactly what she would be getting herself into with him.
“You need to tell me what that means.” She sounded as conflicted and as scared as she was feeling. She didn’t bother to try to hide it from him. “I’m not certain I understand what ‘at all times’ means.”
He reached out and slid his fingers through her hair. “It means exactly that. When we’re together, and hopefully, eventually, we’ll live together, because I want to be with you as much as possible. I had hoped to get you used to me before we had this talk, but I screwed up. I hadn’t planned to take you to bed so quickly. I don’t want just a sexual relationship with you. I want this chance with you. I think you want it too. That means we hash things out now.”
She did want to explore the relationship; she just didn’t know what he meant. What was expected. What she expected. She knew those fingers stroking caresses in her hair were meant to seduce her into doing as he wanted, but she was willing to feel every cell in her body coming alive. She was willing to be seduced in order to get the chance at a relationship that might be real when she’d only dared to dream of a man like Andrii.
“It means when I tell you to do something, I expect you to do it and not question me. I have my reasons, and you’ll have to trust that no matter what I’m asking, I’ll see to your protection and happiness. I need that level of trust from you.”
She swallowed her nerves and looked up at him. It was a mistake to meet the vivid intensity of his eyes. His hand cupped her face and then slid around to the nape of her neck, sending a million goose bumps erupting all over her skin. Her stomach did one of those slow somersaults she associated with him, and she went damp, her sex clenching with need.
“That all sounds good, Andrii, until we circle back to your punishment. I’m not down with that at all.”
Andrii’s fingers tightened on her nape as if he could brand his fingerprints into her skin.
“If you disobey me, there will be consequences. Punishments. I need to know you’re safe. I need to know you’re willing to put me first, just as I plan to do with you.”
Her breath left her lungs in a long rush, and she shook her head, an involuntary reaction. His fingers tightened.
“You need to know and believe that I would never hurt you. I’m not a man who would beat a woman.” His fingers began a slow massage on the nape of her neck. “That doesn’t mean a punishment wouldn’t include pain.”
She gasped and once more made the mistake of looking up at him. His eyes had darkened with desire. With lust. She could read the need in him for her to commit. To be part of him. There wasn’t just desire and lust, there were hints of growing affection, maybe even more, although she couldn’t understand how he’d developed genuine feelings for her so quickly. Just looking into his eyes made her want to give him everything he asked for without complaint or argument, but she wasn’t that illogical or adventurous.
“Pain?” She echoed the word. Once again, her voice came out strangled.
Azelie did her best to ignore the way his touch soothed her. The way his eyes conveyed his need and desire. She was so scared, and yet at the same time, she desperately wanted to be with him, even when it made no sense to her.
“I told you I would have no problem putting you over my knee. Just know that the punishment wouldn’t go too far, and afterward, I would see to your care. I’m not a sadist. I don’t want to see lasting marks on your body, but I do want to know you would accept your punishment with grace if you fucked up.”
She was involuntarily shaking her head again, but sadly, it wasn’t because of the things he was explaining to her, it was because her body reacted in a way she didn’t understand. She wanted to explore possibilities with him and that made no sense. The idea of him putting her over his knee because she’d chosen not to do what he asked, or she’d gone against him, scared the hell out of her. She wasn’t down with that at all. She went her own way when she determined it was the right thing to do. She was bound to “fuck up.”
“Baby, don’t say no until you know how you really feel when I ask things of you. Giving up control doesn’t mean giving up who you are. It simply means you trust that I’ll take care of you and make the best decisions for us. You doing that for me, giving me whatever I need or want, means to me that you care about my happiness and you’re willing to put me first. You doing that makes me want to give you everything you could ever possibly want or need. It also takes the burden of decisions from you. You don’t like making them.”
How could he know that about her? He was right. She was terrible at making decisions. She was the most indecisive person she knew. “But I’m working to overcome that flaw. I’m working hard at it.”
Again, she looked up at him so he would see that improving herself meant something to her. She needed to feel empowered when for so long after her sister and the children had been murdered, when she’d been shot by a man who had helped to raise her, she felt worthless, alone and unsure of everyone and everything.
“I can help with that. You want to make decisions regarding our home, your school, your clothing—except when we’re going out—I have no problem with that.” He continued to cup her face with gentle fingers, holding her gaze captive with his. “Say yes.”
“I want you to explain why you need these things from me, Andrii. It has to make some kind of sense when commitment for me is so scary.”
