She had to admit she liked that.
“You were wearing a pair of jeans, old and faded. The denim clung to your body like a glove, accenting your hips and ass. I will admit I’ve had quite a few fantasies about what I would do with you if you were mine. But just being physically attracted doesn’t mean we’d suit.”
She knew that probably better than he did. She didn’t point it out because he didn’t like her saying—or thinking—anything derogatory about herself.
“You were pushing a child on a swing, and at first, I thought she was your little girl, but then a woman came over and the two of you talked for a minute before she picked up the child and walked off, looking back to wave at you. The little girl blew you kisses, and you blew one back to her.”
“That was Betsy and her mom, Abigail. Abigail is going to school to become a hairdresser. I met her in the park. She was sitting on a bench watching her daughter play, but tears were running down her face. I couldn’t help myself; I went over to her to see if I could help. We struck up a friendship, and I watch Betsy when Abigail’s mother can’t and I’m not in class myself.”
Andrii’s arms tightened around her. “I watched you taking care of that woman and her daughter. There was also a man with two sons you sat with in the park for a little while. He left, and you took over watching the boys until he came back. He didn’t return for nearly two hours.”
“That was Bradley. His wife died in childbirth and left him with twins, Luke and Teddy. They’re five now and a bit of a handful. He’s trying to date again, but he works two jobs. Sometimes his sitter falls through, and he can’t get home to be with the boys when they get out of school. I fill in for him too.”
“I noticed Bradley looking at you like he’d prefer to date you.”
She didn’t respond.
“Zelie? Has he asked you out?”
His voice was low and compelling. Insistent on an answer. Azelie nodded. “Several times. I didn’t want it to be weird between us because I kept turning him down, so in the end I lied to him.” She knew she sounded mortified because she was. “I really hate lying, but he needed help, and if I kept turning him down, it would get awkward.”
“Your lie?”
She should have known he would insist on knowing what she’d told Bradley. She twisted her fingers together. “I told him I was in a relationship already and very much in love with my partner.”
Azelie turned her head so she could look straight into his eyes. “I really don’t lie, Andrii. It just seemed kinder.” She knew lying would be a huge problem for him. She shouldn’t be apologizing. She should be happy he would think she was a liar, but she couldn’t bear for him to think that of her. She also didn’t want to see his disappointment in her, but she wasn’t a coward. She believed, in this instance, she’d done the right thing. “Bradley’s children need someone to be with them in the interim if their regular sitter is ill or has something she can’t get out of, like a medical appointment. It doesn’t happen that often, but it’s important that the boys have someone they trust to look after them. I don’t go to his home, and I made that clear. I watch them in the park, or if it’s bad weather, we go to the rec center.”
“I understand why you believe you did the right thing, but it’s important to me that you’re always truthful with me, even if you’re afraid it might hurt me.” His palm cupped the side of her face. “You don’t believe you’re in my league, and you’re right,Solnyshkuh. You’re so far above me it isn’t funny. If I were a decent man, I’d walk out just like you want me to and leave you to find a good man.”
Azelie couldn’t look away from the darkness and deep sorrow in his eyes. He was telling her the truth as he saw it. She had developed a sense of radar ever since her family had been murdered. Even before, she had become concerned whenshe was around her brother-in-law. At the time, she thought it was because she didn’t like the way Quentin treated his wife and children. He’d grown selfish and overbearing, using drugs and drinking quite a bit. It hadn’t occurred to her that she often avoided certain people because they felt off to her. Andrii might feel dangerous and even powerful, but he didn’t feel at all the way he portrayed himself.
“I’m not easy. I’ll never be easy. I’m not even a good man, and you deserve so much better, but the truth is I have no intention of giving you up. I’ll work hard to make you happy. I believe that we’re right for one another and that I can do that—make you happy.”
“Andrii,” she cautioned, not sure what she was going to say to protest. She didn’t want to protest. She wanted to be his. She just wasn’t sure she had enough trust in her to develop the kind of relationship he needed.
As if sensing her hesitation, he continued. “I’ll keep you safe. I’m not a man other men want to fuck with. I don’t ever want you to think I wouldn’t put your safety first. As dramatic as it sounds, I’d take a bullet for you. I’d kill for you if that was necessary.”
She tried to find a smile, but at the mention of him taking a bullet for her, the shocking pain of metal tearing into her flesh, the terror, the memories of the long road back surfaced.
Again, he seemed to know what she was feeling. His arms circled her and pulled her tight against his chest. She felt surrounded by a fortress. He was that strong and sure.
“I’m sorry I triggered a bad memory when I was trying to reassure you, baby.”
“It isn’t your fault,” she admitted readily. “I still haven’t gotten over what happened.”
“You won’t. How could you?” His voice was that soft, soothing velvet that stroked over her skin like the finest of paintbrushes. “You can’t expect to ever get over something like you experienced. You learn to live with it, Zelie. Whenthe nightmares get bad and you’re having a difficult time, you can talk to me. I’ve got things in my past, not the same, but similar. I understand lasting trauma.”
“You think we can do this,” Azelie said. “But I don’t have your faith. Not because of you, but because I can’t seem to trust anyone. Not even the merry widows, and they’ve been so good to me. Consistently good to me. I still can’t talk to them about my brother-in-law and what he did. I’m not just trying to save myself heartache; I’m trying to save you too.”
His hand came up to fist in her hair, the fingers threading through the thick, luxurious strands. He gave the lightest of tugs, sending fiery tingles of awareness through her scalp.
“Right there, Zelie, that’s what I’m talking about. I know you’re trying to look out for me. Do you realize how rare you are? I’ve never had that. Never. Not even from my parents or relatives.”
Her heart hurt just hearing him. Her parents hadn’t been the best, but she had had Janine. Her sister had treated her with love and kindness. She’d never acted as if taking on Azelie was a burden. If anything, Janine had made her feel as though she was a great help to her, that she needed Azelie and felt lucky to have her living with them.
“I’m so sorry, Andrii. Some people shouldn’t be parents.” She gave him a small smile. “But then neither of us would be here, so I guess in the end, we should just make the most of our lives. That’s all I’m trying to do, just live the best life I can without hurting anyone.”
The color of his eyes softened to an intense gray. “I watched you, and yes, I know I sound like a creepy stalker, but I realized in the time I paid attention that you are an extraordinary woman. That was just observing you. Being with you just assures me how right I was.”
