Gorya caught her arm and took the weapon from her. “You don’t let them win. You’ve been strong this long. Letme tell you how to live. I know you’re strong enough. I’ll tell you, and Rogue will tell your leopard. He says you have one.”
Gorya drove his fist into the wall. He’d done this to her. To Maya. He had been the one to poison her entire life. He’d stopped her from suiciding as a child and in his arrogance had shown her a way to live—for revenge. He’d given her a brief but thorough lesson on how to deceive the outside world. On how to hunt and kill those who wronged you and the ones you loved. How to survive in a nightmare.
He’d been the one to cause those silent screams. He’d been the one to put that look of terror and horror on her face at the thought of anyone—especially him—expecting her to have a relationship. She believed she couldn’t save herself or her leopard. He’d done that.
The pressure in his chest intensified. His vision blurred. His gut knotted and churned and bile rose. He spun around, facing away from her, fists knotted against his thighs. There was nothing he could say to her. He had no defense. None. He wasn’t about to force her to stay.
Rogue had to have known. Wraith had to have known. The two leopards hadn’t cared how difficult it would be for their human companions. They had staked their claim, believing Gorya and Maya would have to live with the consequences. That meant Maya would have to go through the mating heat with Gorya. No way in hell was he doing that to her.
He cursed his leopard.Clearly, you don’t know me as well as you thought you did. I would slay the two of us before I would hurt her like that. You should have known Iwould.
5
Hesaved us.Wraith had repeated that to her.
At the time, Maya hadn’t had a clue what her leopard meant. As far as Maya knew, she’d never seen Gorya in her life. She certainly didn’t remember meeting him. Although, now that she really thought about it, she had been aware of him the moment he’d walked into the building.
Her pulse pounded and she automatically slowed it down. Gorya was beyond upset and she sensed that was out of character for him. Because he was so distraught, she immediately calmed. He knew she was that child. Somehow, she’d shared the images of her childhood with him and he’d recognized those memories.
“You saved me. You got us all out of there and onto a ship that was scheduled to leave within the hour. You gave Nadia money for all of us. No one else would have tried to get us to safety. They said there was no way to hide thosebodies. There had to be repercussions. The women talked about it, what he would do to you. No one thought you would live through it.”
He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, Maya. I thought I was doing the right thing for you. I had no business imprinting on you the way I did. I didn’t realize what I was doing, but that isn’t an excuse.”
“Imprinting? I don’t understand.”
Gorya wasn’t facing her, so Maya allowed herself the luxury of twisting her fingers together in agitation. She was slowly regaining complete control. She had a strange need to comfort him, an emotion she’d never felt in her life.
“It’s when two people are bonded. My leopard bonded with yours. Essentially, he claimed her. You have a mark on your shoulder. You were hurt, and when he bit down in a holding bite, you barely noticed because you were so traumatized. He flooded your body with his hormones to call to your leopard and she answered. He needed to know she would keep you alive for me. He knew she was his mate. I don’t know how he knew, but he did. I held you, and I must have known on some level. I didn’t want you to die. That was more important than me living. More important than Patva finding out my secrets. I spoke directly into your mind rather than aloud to you, just as Rogue spoke to Wraith. That’s imprinting. You did everything I told you to do. I fucked up your life, Maya. That’s what I did. I didn’t save you.”
He sounded tired. Utterly tired. If she knew how, she would have wrapped her arms around his waist and held him, but she didn’t know how to even step closer to him without panic setting in.
“Wraith and I wanted to survive, Gorya. You gave that to us. I panicked for a minute when I thought you might have certain expectations from me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy various aspects of my life.”
Did she? She considered the truth of that statement.She was the ultimate liar. A perfect deceiver. She lied so much she didn’t know if she even told the truth to herself.
“I don’t have expectations of anyone, Maya.” Gorya’s voice had gone back to that low, compelling timbre that he used all the time, indicating he was completely under control again.
Maya felt Wraith’s instant alarm as she woke.He means to suicide. He will destroy himself and Rogue to protect you.
Maya didn’t need her leopard to tell her Gorya’s intention. She’d already guessed; she just hadn’t been certain of his motivation. Part of her feared that he regarded her as so damaged he thought it useless to even try with her. She herself thought that. She was broken beyond repair. But there were the leopards to consider. And there was Gorya. He wasn’t nearly as bad a man as he thought himself.
Mostly, if she was admitting the truth to herself, every cell in her body and mind rejected the idea of losing him. That was how conflicted and confused she was. It wasn’t logical and made no sense, but she couldn’t bear the idea of any harm coming to him.
Rogue will stop him,she assured Wraith.
Rogue is very strong, but Gorya is stronger. My mate cannot prevent him from doing what he intends. You are the only one who can.
Now suddenly I’m important to you. You didn’t consult me when you accepted Rogue’s claim on you. It didn’t matter to you in the least how I felt. And it didn’t matter to Rogue how Gorya felt.
That isn’t true. You were too afraid. I accepted his claim, and that gave you time to accept Gorya. If I hadn’t, you would have run. You would have been unhappy. This way you have a chance to be happy. Rogue and Gorya have a chance to continue to live.
“I’ll have Gedeon escort you away from here as soon as you’ve rested. He’ll make certain you’re completelyclear of all shifter territory. I never should have allowed Rogue to put you in this position.”
Maya sighed. She knew she wasn’t capable of a relationship with Gorya. What could she possibly give him? She was damaged goods. How could she fight for him if she wasn’t prepared to live with him? She struggled to think of a way out for them both. She knew there wasn’t one. Either she accepted the situation and his claim on her or she took the out he was giving her and walked away, leaving him to do whatever he felt he had to do.
Gorya still faced the window, refusing to look at her. He might have regained control, but that only added to the determination in every line of his body. From the back, he looked relaxed, once more the man who appeared to command everyone around him when he chose. She found it interesting that he could appear so easygoing and charming, and yet the moment he entered a room, those around him knew he was in charge and listened to every word he said.
“Maybe before we make permanent decisions, we should just slow everything down.”
