“We’ll put that aside for now and let Paul talk to you about it.”He sank down on the bench beside her. “Do you want to discuss removing the shield you cloaked yourself with as a child? Paul can help you with that. At the same time he does, the rest of the team can prevent Whitney from finding you in a permanent way. You will remember your past, including the horrors of his experiments. You would have the memories of girls you grew up with. Rose remembers you. She’d like to become reacquainted with you. There isn’t any pressure, Red. If you never want to be part of the GhostWalker family with me, I’ll be fine as long as I have you in my life.”
The shield is already coming apart, Gideon. I’m remembering more and more. The nightmares are more persistent. The sensation of my skin peeling away has become worse, and now instead of just this odd crackling and tingling feeling, there’s real pain, as if the skin is ripping apart.
“Paul said you put the shield in place so long ago and you were so young that it became part of your physical makeup. That would explain the ripping and tearing sensation you’re feeling now. He would clarify it better than me, but it sounds as if the shield is pulling away from your skin.”
A visible shudder went through Rory, so Gideon put his arm around her and pulled her beneath his shoulder.
It sounds as if it will be very painful to shed it all the way.
“I’ll be with you, Rory.”
I’m not sure I want you to be. I don’t like you hurt. You do enough for everyone. I told you before, someone needs to look after you, and I want to be that someone.
His heart turned over. She could seriously melt it that easily. She made him feel things he hadn’t ever thought possible. He brushed a kiss on top of the thick pile of hair. “I’ll be with you regardless. I can’t seem to be away from you, Red. In any case, if you think you want to do it, we can ask Paul to talk with us about how best it can happen.”
Gideon hesitated. Rory seemed more comfortable with histeammates. During the time she was in bed recovering, they had done breathing sessions together. She hadn’t objected. Rhianna and Ethan had dropped by casually just to see if she needed them to sneak into her apartment building and bring her anything. Javier came every day. She hadn’t met all the team members, but she knew all of them had rushed out to look for her.
“How do you feel about the others helping us through Paul removing the shield?” Gideon did his best to sound casual.
I’ve been giving it a lot of thought. They’ve really done their best to help me. I thought it would be good to meet them. Maybe a couple at a time to see if I want to run for the next state.
“That’s not going to happen, Rory, not without me.” Gideon made it a decree.
21
Two days later, Gideon remained quiet while Paul talked to Rory about shedding the shield that had been with her since she’d escaped Whitney. He believed it would be better for her if she allowed the team to surround her. They would help with breathing and lock out any chance that when the shield fell completely, Whitney might get a glimpse she was alive.
There would be pain, and while Gideon would help control it, if there were others there, they could ease the discomfort as well. Rory didn’t want anyone else to suffer on her behalf. Gideon had known all along that would be her objection, but he stayed out of the discussion. Paul was patient and very gentle in the way he worded his facts. He didn’t come at Rory from the emotional place Gideon would have.
Mack, as team commander, was also present for the discussion. “Rory, we work better as a group. We fit seamlessly together.”
“But not me. I’m not part of you.”
Gideon nearly blew it by objecting. He just managed to keep his mouth closed.
Mack gave Rory a small smile. “You might have a legitimate argument, honey, if you hadn’t cloaked Rhianna so quickly and from a distance. You couldn’t see her. You didn’t really know her, and yet you took control andseamlesslyfit with her. If you aren’t part of us, how did you manage to do that?”
Rory’s long lashes fluttered, and she turned her green gaze a little helplessly to Gideon as if asking him for the answer. He took her hand. “No one is hurrying your decision.”
Talk to me, Red. What are you thinking?
I’ve been giving this a lot of thought since you first brought it up to me. Why would I have such a reaction to meeting your friends when they’ve been helping me? You know I have nightmares and deliberately made a point of remembering every one of them. In all of them, Whitney berated me and told me I endangered the other girls. That I shouldn’t be near them. He said it over and over. Drilled it into me.
Gideon had shared a few of those nightmares with her. He knew Whitney reveled in repeating himself to Rory that she was useless and a danger to the others.
Intellectually, I know Whitney is still influencing me. I still have his voice in my head telling me I’ll endanger my fellow GhostWalkers if I’m around them, even if it’s subconscious.
Gideon groaned.Subconscious is worse than having him yelling in your face. And then I made it worse by adding to that worry, playing right into his hands by fearing you were programmed by him to kidnap Sebastian.
He had. He should have realized all along that he had reinforced Whitney’s assessment of Rory’s worth. He had made her feel that she would endanger the other GhostWalkers, that she was inferior to them, just as Whitney had.
I’m sorry, Red. I played right into his hands.
No, I did. I’m an adult. I’ve been stuck in my childhood.
We all carry the scars of our childhoods, thinking we aren’t worthy.He still did. He probably always would.
Rory’s green eyes moved over his face.I don’t want Whitney to have any influence on me.
