The moment she did, a semblance of sanity returned, and she pulled back, tearing herself out of his arms and scrambling off his lap. Her blouse was open. How he’d managed to undo every button was going to remain a mystery. She could barely catch her breath.
“You’re a menace,” she accused, returning her blouse to order.
“Come back to me. We were just getting started.”
“We’re finished, Gideon.” She didn’t want to be finished, and she was extremely happy that he didn’t want to be finished either. “I mean it.”
Rory had to put distance between them, or they were going to have sex on the couch, and he would start bleeding internally again. “I have to find your kitchen and put the rest of the food in your fridge. And I need to locate a bathroom.”
He stood up immediately and held out his hand to her. “I’ll show you the kitchen and bathroom. I should have given you a tour.”
She noticed he did so without the fluid, smooth way she associated with him. “You don’t have to do that. Should you be moving around?” Rory felt shaky, every nerve ending still alive. He couldn’t get near her. He really couldn’t. Maybe he was already cooling down, but she didn’t trust herself yet. “And I’m not taking your hand.”
“Red. Helping you up isn’t going to rip open my wound.” Now there was male amusement in his voice, and it was creeping into the blue of his eyes.
“I’m not worried that helping me up will tear open your wound. It’s tearing off your clothes and leaping on you, wrapping my legs around you and doing bad things to you that you need to worry about. We both need to worry about,” she corrected. Talking too much again. Making a fool of herself again. “Just step back and stop grinning.” She couldn’t breathe, and she was going to have a panic attack. The room was already beginning to spin a little.
“I’m in danger?”
“Yes. At least pretend you’re afraid. That would be helpful.” She crossed her arms over her chest to keep from the temptation of taking his hand.
The color of Gideon’s eyes deepened to that nearly royal blue and softened to velvet. No man should have eyes like his. It wasn’t fair. And how could one man’s eyes change color the way his did so often? “A woman could fall in love with you so easily.”
Had she blurted that out loud? What was wrong with her? He’d just kissed her and he’d made her lose her mind. “I should go home.”
“You should stay here. Use your inhaler. I’ll take the food to the kitchen. One of the many bathrooms is straight across from you. Right there.” He indicated a door with one long finger. “I’ll bring you a bottle of cold water. Take a breath, sweetheart. I love everything you’re saying to me. I’ve said the same to you.”
Gideon leaned down and brushed her forehead with a kiss, gathered up the food containers and sauntered across the room.
Rory watched him go before she went to his guest bathroom. It was spacious with black and gray tiles. She used her travel nebulizer, thankful she’d brought it with her. Why in the world did she blurt out everything she was thinking to Gideon? She’d always been so careful to keep her own counsel. For years she hadn’t talked to anyone about what she was thinking or feeling, but now she couldn’t keep her mouth closed. If she thought it, she said it to him.
She stared at herself in the mirror, taking her time. She was getting in deeper every moment she spent with Gideon. It was now or never. If she didn’t run while she could, break away and get out of San Francisco, she might never leave. Every indication told her to go.
What about her worry that she could harm him? She didn’t know about her past. It was a complete blank to her. There was that nagging worry that something was terribly off, and she might have some terrible secret hidden inside her that could harm someone. But it had never happened in all the years she’d traveled around. Never once had she done anything to hurt anyone. She was alone so much and had such a vivid imagination that she easily thought up reasons to fill in her past. It was ludicrous to think that she would hurt Gideon.
It was just another excuse she gave herself to leave, because she made so many. She was insane to stay. Everything was happening too fast between the two of them. She had no reason to trustGideon, and yet she did. She was jumping in with both feet, and it made no sense.
Free-falling. Euphoric. She’d never been like this. She’d never had this. Goose bumps ran down her arms, and she held them out in front of her before wrapping them around her. She felt as if she’d always been alone and fearful. Of what, she didn’t know. With Gideon, everything was different. She had him to talk to. To laugh with. To kiss. To want to be intimate with.
Did she want to give that up because she was afraid she might get hurt? Just because their connection was happening too fast and she didn’t understand it? She didn’t know what a relationship was, but Gideon was worth sticking around for and finding out. In any case, she knew with absolute certainty that she wouldn’t feel the same with another man.
Rory took a deep breath while she washed her hands. She was going to stay. She had finally found a place she liked, with people she enjoyed being around. Most of all, there was Gideon. She wanted to be with him. She was going to put her faith in him and see their relationship through. She wanted him to be right—that they could make it through good and bad together. She wanted him more than she wanted her own life.
Gideon sat on the leather couch, waiting, and his gaze locked on her immediately. His eyes were piercing, like that of an eagle. Rory had the feeling he could see right through her and knew she’d been struggling to decide if she should stay or make a run for it. His smile was warm enough to turn her heart over.
“Are you going to come sit by me?”
“Maybe it would be better if I sat across from you, where it’s safer.”
She didn’t sit down. She felt too scared. Too restless. She’d made a big decision, and she had a lot of things she needed to tellhim. About Tinsdale and the envelope he’d given to her for Harvey. She was a little afraid of what he might think when she told him about the two men using her as a go-between. He would be upset with her for not telling Javier the night he’d walked her home that she had the message in her pocket, but as far as she was concerned, that was only between Gideon and her.
Gideon patted the spot next to him on the couch. “You’re wandering around instead of sitting beside me, Red. That tells me instead of being relaxed the way you should be, you’re nervous.”
He was far too good at reading her. “Some things happened over the last couple of days that I want to tell you about.” She shoved her hands into her pockets and felt the envelope Scott Tinsdale had given her for Harvey Matters. For some unexplained reason, it felt like a burning coal. That didn’t bode so well.
“I feel ridiculous talking to you about it when you’ve been so ill. This is probably one of those things Javier would disapprove of me bothering you with.”
Something dark crossed his hard features, and just for one moment, his eyes went that crystalline bluish-silver. “Javier doesn’t dictate what goes on in our relationship, Rory. I want you to tell me when anything bothers you. You give that to me. We talked about this. This is your safe place.I’mthat safe person for you.”
