He pivoted toward the door. “Just know I’m not leaving, so the monsters won’t get you tonight.”
I might have smiled if my face were capable of it. Instead, I drifted to sleep.
After a dreamless night,I woke with tear tracks dried on my cheeks. Tekqua’s face was the first thought in my mind, and her dedicated space in my heart gave a painful throb.
Gone.
She was gone.
And if she was gone, if they wereallgone, what was the point of anything?
My sore eyes cracked open. Morning sunlight filtered through the sheer curtains in soft gold, illuminating the dust in the air. It took a moment to place my surroundings, but when I did, I sensed the emptiness of the house.
He wasn’t there.
When had he left?
I sat up. The air smelled of incense, and I caught sight of a burned stick on the nightstand.
Two items sat beside it: a note and a handful of tea bags. I snatched the note, unfolding it to find Lucas’s familiar handwriting with the funny-shaped Ds.
Sophia,
I know this hurts. I know it feels like it will last forever.
Grief is like snow. Harsh and cold. Destructive and unforgiving. It comes in silence, and it buries everything.
But snow doesn’t last forever. You’re the one who taught me that. No matter how dark and cold the night, the sun will always come out.
Don’t hide in the darkness. You belong in the light. You are made of it.
—L
P.S. Peppermint tea helps me with anxiety. Take it.
P.P.S. Please destroy this note before you leave.
I stared in wonder, reading and re-reading. Heat simmered in my chest, deep inside parts I wasn’t aware existed. How could he possibly believe that I had taught him anything about healing from grief? My grief was still burying me, destructive and icy, just like he described.
I wasn’t made of light. I was made of shattered glass and broken hopes.
Still, I refolded the paper, smaller than the single crease he’d left down the middle. When it was no bigger than a pack of matches, I slid it into the cup of my bra. It stayed there, and when the time came for me to remove my bra back at headquarters, I transferred the note to my sock.
It became kindling for the flames he’d ignited in my heart last night, burning me from the inside out. I kept it on me, day after day, reading it before I fell asleep at night to remind myself I wasn’t alone.
I treasured it, and never once, despite his request, did I consider destroying it.
17
Handcuffed
The primary function of the National Security Force is to safeguard and defend true Americans from all domestic enemies.
—NEW AMERICAN ORDER, A HANDBOOK
Iwanted to tell my friends what happened to Tekqua, but how would I convey the information without disclosing how I’d learned it? Once the war ended, I could give them the entire story. To his credit, Theo hugged me tight, murmuring condolences into my curls.
Dad’s hugs were better, I decided. He’d never been so stiff.
