7
Chest Pain
…however the forms of government may be changed, or the principles of it altered, violence is always despotism.
—THOMAS JEFFERSON, INAUGURAL ADDRESS
Back at headquarters, I sank into a corner of my bedroom and struggled to breathe for several minutes while panic tore through the fragile stability in my mind. My meditation—the forest, the warm rain, the smell of cypress—none of it mitigated the alarm bells singing through my veins, shredding them open from the inside.
Memories crawled over me like a horde of spiders.
Aching with fever, staring into a pair of beautiful dark eyes. “I’m Zara Akbari. I’m going to take care of you.”
Unified News spreading the NAO’s recruitment efforts. “Freedom is earned, not given. Join the NSF!”
Nia Williams, standing at a podium. “They’re bigger than us. They have more weapons and better supplies. But thatdoesn’t mean we’re weak. We have the heart. The brains. We will stop this madness!”
Bodies hanging from a ceiling, the Brotherhood Cross carved into their backs.
A safe house in flames, innocents jumping from windows to escape, only to meet their end on the cement below.
Prisoners heaped over each other in Unity Square, the blood from their bodies staining the wall behind.
I tried to breathe, to excise the images from my mind, but they always attacked when I was at my weakest, my lowest. The only way out was through the quagmire.
Eventually, my head cleared. The tears dried. Drained and weak, I made my way to Theo’s office.
“Twenty-five men?” he asked after I told him the news of Wyatt’s daughter.
“Yes.”
He tapped his chin. “I wonder if there will be other women we’ll need to consider.”
“He didn’t mention it.”
Theo pursed his lips. He hummed, distracted, clicking his pen against his desk. Normally, I would let myself out, but something niggled at my thoughts.
When Theo looked up, his eyebrows lifted. “What’s wrong?”
I released a sigh. “He’s different from what I thought he’d be.”
Chandelier lights sparkled in his dark eyes, full of grim acceptance. “Even monsters can be complex creatures. Not everything is black and white, Soph. You know that.”
I pinched the cotton of my new sweatpants between two fingers, rubbing back and forth. The faint scent of frankincense wafted toward me.
“Are you…okay?” Theo asked, almost as if the words hurt to say.
My gaze shot up, and I wondered if now was the time he’d finally ask.What does he do to you?
And I could say,Nothing, but I don’t know why and I don’t know what he wants. He’s maddening.
But Theo said nothing, so I didn’t either. Instead, I swallowed my disappointment. “I’m okay. Did you know he’s the one in charge of sentencing the prisoners?”
Theo nodded.
“I don’t understand why he’s doing this,” I whispered. “None of it makes sense.”
“I know. We need to be on guard. I worry there’ll be a catch. He’ll trap us when we least expect it.”
