He nodded and teased out my answers while my gaze trailed the intricate patterns on the ceiling. I tripped on words liketeethandropeandstrangle. Panic opened like a tap, pressure building higher with each question. Before it overflowed, he redirected me.
“How did it feel to be back with Lucas?”
“It felt like…coming home.”
“Were there any particular words you said to each other?”
I hesitated. How many times would I have to say this? “He wanted me to leave him. To save myself. I reminded him that he promised he’d stay with me. That he wasn’t dead yet.”
“What did he say?”
“He still thought he wouldn’t survive. He worried he was putting me in danger.”
“And?”
“And I made him promise again. I couldn’t stand the thought of abandoning him.”
“How did he respond?”
I was silent, staring at Logan.
“What did he say, Sophia?”
“He said… ‘I’ll stay with you. Until I die.’”
His smile broke free, like I’d discovered the answer to a complicated riddle he’d pondered for ages. I prickled all over while conflicting feelings rose inside. Pride at having pleasedhim battled with an irresistible sense that I’d sold my soul to a devil waving a Defiance flag. AnAmericanflag.
But it would be worth it.
If we both lived, it would all be worth it.
39
Consequences
A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
—2NDAMENDMENT, U.S. CONSTITUTION
Logan Bergeron must have been desperate to get my interview out there because the edited version aired three days later, all by itself during prime time. The other interviews would be released at a later date, but mine wasspecial.
Someone had to do some fancy tech work in order for us to watch them live, as Unified News certainly wouldn’t be airing it. Theo invited Lucas and me to view privately with himself and Williams. We settled into chairs to watch on a small screen Theo had set up in his office.
Lucas gripped my sweaty hand when it started, and I grimaced at my pallid skin and dark circles. My curls at least had a bit of shine to them, but I swiftly forgot to care how I looked in favor of being horrified over my words.
In a generous sense, the story was true, but Lucas snorted at the removed details, the glossed-over ugly parts. His sarcastic voice kept a separate narration beside me. “Did it actually happen like this, or do I have memory loss? They painted me as a tragic antihero.”
“Logan Bergeron should go into politics,” I said.
Theo grunted in agreement.
All in all, it wasn’t bad…until we reached the panic attack.
It couldn’t have played out more dramatically if we were actors on a stage. My body froze at the question, the camera focusing on my face as blood drained from it. I lurched up, and the camera followed. The door slammed open, my hand clenching on the doorframe, holding myself upright. “Lucas?”
I took two steps into the hall. Lucas approached me, his cat-like paces quiet on the marble floor. That hungry expression on his face was familiar to me, but it surprised Williams.
“Oh, my,” she muttered.
