“Aren’t there laws against that?” I asked. “It’s like…a war crime.”
“I don’t think they care, Sophia. We’ll check on this every day, okay?” she said. “In the meantime, be careful with your movements and try not to put pressure on your back.”
I nodded.
“Is there anything else you need from me?” she asked. “Would you like an internal examination?”
“It’s not necessary,” I said. “Nothing hurts but my back.”
And my mind.
And my heart.
And my soul.
“Why don’t you sleep in my quarters tonight?” Zara said. “It’s no time to be alone, don’t you think?”
I gave no argument and followed her to her small, private room in the sleeping wing, the bed big enough for two. She offered me pajamas, but I refused to remove Lucas’s clothes.
Before I slipped into bed, Zara handed me a brown paper bag.
“You don’t have to discuss it, but it’s important you have this.”
I peeked into the bag and froze.
Two white pills. Two labeled syringes. A pregnancy test.
My legs turned to jelly, and I sank to the bed. Why hadn’t it occurred to me that this could happen? That there might be consequences?
The bag dropped to the ground, and I pitched forward, burying my face into my knees. The scent of Lucas filtered into my lungs—peppermint and incense.
Breathe.
In and out.
Zara kept quiet until the moment passed and I straightened. She retrieved the bag and handed it to me. “Would you like me to inject you?”
I nodded, standing so she could do just that. The medicine ached as it entered my muscle, and flashes of Jack Miller’s hands around my throat were chased by the feel of his skin ripping open under my knife.
I hated him. Regret simmered that I hadn’t done more to prolong his suffering.
With jerky movements, I accepted the water Zara offered and swallowed the pills.
Last, the pregnancy test. I held it between two fingers. “It wouldn’t be positive this soon.”
“When’s your cycle due?”
Closing my eyes, I counted back. “A week or two? I’m not very regular.”
She took the packet from my hand. “You can take it then, alright?”
“What if it’s positive?”
There used to be medicines that could protect me. There used to be ways to keep me from bearing this burden. One by one, the NAO had destroyed them all…
Yet another thing they had taken.
Her hand landed on my shoulder, a gentle squeeze. “Don’t think on that yet. Why don’t you try to get some rest? It’s late.”
