“Is she okay?” he asks.
I look at her. She looks a little frazzled, but otherwise unharmed.
“I think so. She said she really needs to talk to me,” I tell him.
“Then go. That was our agreement. She comes first. I will send a replacement and let you know when you will need to cover.”
He hangs up without another word. I grab Aspen’s hand.
“He’s sending a replacement,” I call out to Yak, pulling Aspen back up to the clubhouse.
“Sounds good. Have fun, lovebirds.”
“I don’t want to go back in there. Can we go for a walk?” she asks.
It’s chilly, but with her wearing my hoodie now, she should be good, so I agree.
I veer to the left of the clubhouse and take her down a little trail I’ve seen. When I come to a bench in the middle of the path, I take a seat, pulling her down next to me.
“If you get cold, we go back,” I tell her.
She smiles at me. “Sure.”
“What did you need to talk about?” I ask her.
“I owe you an apology. Don’t say I don’t. I’ll tell you the same thing I told Maggie and Calloway. This isn’t for you. I owe this to you for me.”
“I wouldn’t dream of telling you what you need, Aspen. Talk to me. Tell me whatever you want.”
“I took advantage of you more than once. When we were in that hell, you were the only thing keeping me sane. The little bits of food you would sneak me. The news from here. The first time you showed you might be weak toward me, I endeared myself to you. I didn’t want you then, but that changed. Over time, you became something more to me—more important—but I was in survival mode. I would have sold my own soul to get out of there in one piece.” She sucks in a breath, her tears starting to fall. “So when Adlet offered me as your prize, but made us do that in front of him, I didn’t hesitate. I never considered how it would put a black mark on your soul, and I should have. It wasn’t fair to you. I practically raped you. I didn’t give you a choice, and for that I am so fucking sorry. I did to you what they wanted to do to me.”
She is full-on sobbing by the time she finishes. I pull her onto my lap, holding her to me. I don’t say anything. I know she cannot hear me right now. I let her process the emotions she has to let out before she starts to breathe normally again.
“Please tell me you forgive me,” she whispers, looking up at me.
“There is no need to apologize. You did not rape me. Sure, I didn’t want to fuck you in front of those men, but I wanted you. As much as I tried not to, I did. At first, you were annoying. I told you to leave, and you sassed me and didn’t listen. I was angry at you for putting yourself in danger. Then the first time I visited you at the safe house, you threw a cup at my head. Remember? I thought, man, she is locked in a cage, but she’s a songbird. She will keep singing her song until she gets out of the cage. I respected it. When I saw them slowly taking that from you? I was losing my mind. I knew if I didn’t step up and take Monster down, he would have stolen your song. I would have lost youforever. If anyone should be sorry, it’s me. I put you in that situation. I should have made you leave before you got into it, and I didn’t. Then, I followed their rules until we had no choice but to do that in front of them. I feel like I violated you.”
“You didn’t,” she cuts in. “I enjoyed it. In fact, when things in my head get too bad, I go back to that day. I don’t think about the rest of it. I just remember the look in your eyes. You looked at me as if you would take all my pain away if you could.”
“I would still do that. I want you to be happy, Aspen. No matter what that means.”
“I don’t want you to give up your dreams for me. I feel like you being here means you are giving up the moral compass you had inside of you. I already took too much from you,” she whispers.
“You are wrong. That compass is still there. It might be a little beat up, but it’s there, and guess what? Your brother has the same one. Our missions align. I used to think law enforcement was the career choice to help people, but those months showed me the police can’t always do the things that need to be done. I never want to feel like my hands are tied again.”
“That doesn’t mean that you like being here,” she says.
“I know it is taking me a minute to settle in, but I like the guys. They have been good to me, even with my background. Yak, as much as he annoys me, has deemed me his best friend. Your brother shows me respect and values my input. Honestly, I’m happier here than I ever was with the FBI. Add you being here, and I don’t know why I would want to leave.”
She looks up at me hopefully. “So you won’t leave?”
I shake my head. “Not unless you make me.”
She leans in, pressing her lips to my mouth in a sweet kiss. I match her energy, returning the kiss.
She pulls away. “I know we have so much more to talk about, but I am exhausted. I couldn’t sleep. Will you maybe stay with me tonight?”
I smile at her. “I will stay with you whenever you want me to.”
