I smile at her. “I know, and I will be. It will take time to relearn who I want to be, but I plan to get there. I hope you will be by my side?” I pose it as a question.
“You don’t even have to ask. Of course I will. You’re my sister. You’ve always been my sister. I’m here for you no matter what,” she says, leaning toward me to grab my hand.
I feel a weight lift off me. It is only a little, and the guilt still lives, but I am able to push it to the side as I look at Maggie.
I have made mistakes before, but they don’t have to define me. Maggie showing me grace is exactly what I needed to encourage me to keep on this apology tour.
“My therapist thinks I avoid my feelings,” I tell her, opening up for the first time.
“How do you feel about that?” Maggie asks.
I burst out laughing. “That’s what she asked me.”
She laughs with me. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to echo her words.”
I shake my head. “Don’t be. Honestly, when she asked me, I was angry, but I think it’s because it’s true. I tend to shut off my feelings. It’s rooted in my childhood, but now that I’m dealing with my shit, I can see she is right. I don’t want to be that person anymore.”
“Then you won’t be. We will get you to where you want to be.”
“Thank you, Maggie. For everything.”
She stands, holding open her arms. I laugh as I stand and hug her.
We stand there in the embrace for a moment before we pull away from one another, each of our eyes a bit glassy. I take a seat, grabbing a piece of meat and cheese before putting it on a cracker as I shove it in my mouth.
“So…since we are being open and honest now. Can I ask you what is going on with you and Asher?”
I choke on my food, my eyes widening as I look at her.
“What the fuck, Maggie?”
She giggles. “What? He came here for you. Calloway told me so.”
I shake my head. “That’s another step in my new Aspen I need to get to. Asher is a good man. He did what he had to for me, and I will never be able to repay him, but I am not quite settled with the fact that he is here. He is better than this place.”
“Why do you think that? Because he was a cop? The guys here aren’t bad people. They do good things. Calloway is a good person.”
“No, I know,” I growl in frustration. “That’s not what I meant. He had his moral compass set to north, and then I came into his life and fucked it up. I don’t want him to stay here because of me. He has a life, and as much as I want to keep him, I need to let him get back to it.”
She hums. “What if that’s not what he wants anymore?”
I consider her words.
“I don’t know. I’m trying not to think too far ahead. It makes my head spin. I’m taking things one step at a time.”
“All right, but if you need to talk, I’m here.”
“I know,” I tell her.
Then, knowing I’m going to regret it, I ask, “So what about you and Calloway?”
ASHER
Something changed with Aspen. She is lighter. Happier.
Her smile has come a bit easier the past couple of days.
She was shying away from anything and anyone she thought would make her face what plagues her thoughts, but today she is standing next to Maggie as they laugh about something with Rain.
