Sighing, I rub my jaw, trying to find the words.
You can’t just explain the type of shit Aspen and I’ve been through. It isn’t black and white. It’s the kind of shit that’s unexplainable, but you have to live to understand.
“I can’t explain it, not in a way you’d understand. Aspen is learning to deal with the shit she went through. Unfortunately, I was part of that trauma, so I get it. I understand her in a way no one else does. That’s why she feels safe with me.”
“Does she feel safe with you, though? Or are you holding her back?”
“Trust me, she wouldn’t lash out one minute and then cling to me the next if she didn’t feel safe with me. If she didn’t, Iwouldn’t be here. I would have packed my bags and left before now,” I tell him honestly.
Panther shakes his head and turns, looking back at the scenery around us.
“I fucking hate it. She’s my little sister, and I’m supposed to be the one to slay her demons, to keep her safe, and I can’t.”
“You’ve done everything you can. She knows you love her. You just need to give her time and space. She will come around when she’s ready.”
Panther turns back toward me, but I keep my gaze ahead.
“Are you in love with my sister?”
My jaw clenches. I hate the fact that he’s going to know before she does, but I can’t lie. I won’t lie. Loving Aspen isn’t something I’m ashamed of. I just wish I could tell her before him.
Still, he’s my president, her brother, and he asked me a direct question.
I turn toward him. “Yes, I am in love with Aspen, but I’m not sure if she feels the same way. I’m not sure if she can love me after the things we’ve been through. I want to find out, though.”
“What’s your plan?”
“Right now, I’m just going to be here for her and go at her pace. Aspen’s never had the opportunity to see me as a man, a possible partner, because in her eyes, I was working with the enemy. I need her to see I’m not the man they made me out to be.”
“And if she doesn’t?”
“Then I walk away.” I shrug.
Would it suck? Abso-fucking-lutely, but I’d do it for her. I love her enough to let her go if it’s truly what she wants.
“Is that why you are still here? Trying to change her mind?”
“Partially. I like the club and the family you’ve built, but she’s my priority. My only goal is to help her get through this, andhopefully she sees me for who I am. If she doesn’t, then there’s nothing I can do about it.”
Panther shakes his head. “You would really walk away from her? That easily?”
I scoff. “Walking away from your sister would hurt like a motherfucker, but I’d do it. Just like you would if Maggie needed you to.”
“I wouldn’t. Never,” he says adamantly.
“You say that now, but if she really needed you to, you would.”
Panther grunts, and we fall silent.
“You know my sister is a handful, right?” he says after a few minutes.
I smile as I think about the first time I met her. I wanted to ring Aspen’s fucking neck for not listening to Maggie or me. For not having a sense of self-preservation.
“Trust me, I know,” I say, not hiding the laughter in my voice.
“I hope you win her over.” He slaps my shoulder as he passes by me, heading back to his bike.
I hope I win her over too.
