Then I stepped out into the hall.
It was quieter today, filled with an emptiness that hadn’t been there before as I strode in the direction of my room. The idea that I was headed out into the world again made my skin crawl, like a nakedness I had grown unaccustomed to in Cillian’s presence. This was what I’d initially fought for, and the irony hadn’t escaped me that now, when I was finally granted my freedom, I no longer wanted it.
I walked into my room and got changed into something simple—sweats, a T-shirt. Not like I could go to my old apartment either. I’d been evicted from there. My belongings, my life was here now, and the reality settled me a little bit. I snapped on a bracelet, a few rings, slipped my phone and my wallet into my pockets, but my skin still crawled at the idea of heading out into the world now after so long in this safe haven.
A cough sounded from the doorway. Amelia leaned there, and the lines on her face were deeper, a grim expression.
“I was told I’m to escort you out today?”
I ran fingers through my hair. “I’m coming back. I promise. My father’s in trouble, and I’m…I’m all he has.”
“Haven’t you done enough for him?” she asked, her tone sharp. Her judgement was clear, and my shoulders tightened.
I heaved out a breath. “I was supposed to be here for a ten-year sentence, and then what? Released out into the world? My father’s the only person I have out there.”
Amelia’s gaze softened. “Cillian’s a fool to let you go. I…” She let out a low curse. “I was hoping you’d be the one.”
I swallowed hard, not quite able to discern her meaning.
“Come on,” she said, tilting her head toward the hallway. “Let’s set you free, Beau Taylor.”
My chest squeezed tight as I headed for the doorway.
When we began our trek down the hall, my footsteps echoed louder, and each one fell heavier. The thread connecting Cillian and me grew tighter and tighter until I feared it would snap. When I stepped out of the Spires, would he forget me?
Amelia entered the elevator first, and I followed. The ride down held an ominous silence that was reminiscent of my first ride up here, so different from the casual conversation we normally engaged in, and my heart ached.
“Is there any way I can convince you to stay?” Amelia asked, a note of urgency in her tone.
“I’m coming back,” I promised again. Maybe if I said the words enough, they’d become binding, a message out to the universe.
Amelia’s silence was an answer, a darkness in her expression that twisted my insides.
The elevator settled on the ground floor, and with ading, the doors opened. We stepped out, and the sense of violation, of something wrong, rippled through me all over again. As if leaving here today would end in ruin and despair. Fear bubbled up inside me, turning my limbs leaden as we strode through the opulent casino floor, heading in the direction of the door I’d first come through.
The symmetry of the moment wasn’t lost on me, and it felt far too much like an ending.
We stopped at one of the many doors lining the front, and Amelia grabbed my hand. “Beau, give me your phone. I’m putting my number in it.” I handed it over, and she quickly typed it in and set it to call to confirm, her phone jangling in response before she shut it off. Then Amelia passed my phone back. “If you need help, call me. Don’t hesitate. Even if you decide you don’t want to return here, the offer still stands.”
I shook my head, my eyes stinging again. I’d never made friendships like these before, people who’d stand by me during tough times. “Thank you.”
“Charles is going to be mad you didn’t say goodbye,” she said with a half smile.
“I’m not saying goodbye because I’m not leaving for good,” I said. “You act like I’m going to vanish, when who knows? I could be back here tonight.”
Amelia’s eyes downturned, a sadness in them that made me uneasy. “If only life worked that way. Stay safe, okay?” She patted me on the shoulder, turned on her heel, and with that, she marched off.
Leaving me to exit the way I’d arrived—by myself.
I stepped out of the Spires, but unlike the last time when I went to the city with Cillian, now I felt exposed. A sense of wrongness mounted within me as I strode down the sidewalk, a free man. Except, now that I was free to choose, all I wanted to do was return.
I’d fallen completely and utterly in love with Cillian, and I needed to tell him.
Iwouldtell him.
The Casino District looked so different in the daytime, not the seedy underbelly of the city that it transformed into at night with stumbling passersby and flashing neons. However, my back prickled as I walked in the direction of the subway. I wouldn’t be taking it to my apartment, though. No, I’d head straight to my father’s. The pit in my stomach grew and not because I hadn’t eaten. I couldn’t stomach food if I tried.
I glanced at the Spires, how the majestic building carved a stark mark on the skyline. How it’d carved a permanent mark on my heart. I pressed my fingers to the bruised bite mark Cillian had left on my shoulder last night, the ache there mirroring the one in my chest.
