“Sorry I couldn’t be a nuisance, but I’m sure there was no shortage of students willing to take my place.”
Venom drips from her words, striking me in the chest with its toxicity. “I was simply worried you’d fallen ill or maybe were having a bad endo flare-up.”
That seems to make her hesitate in her fury. “If that’s what you thought, why didn’t you come check on me?”
Christ. This is not going well. “I was trying to give you space. You ignored my emails?—”
“I didn’t think it was an appropriate matter to discuss on Avernia servers. ‘Hey, Dean Bauer, my boyfriend was an asshole. Do you mind if we talk through our issues here? I know we’re not even supposed to be speaking much outside class, but actually we’ve been fucking, and I’d really like to continue. Thanks!’”
My eyes widen, my brain hitching on that one word. “Boyfriend?”
A furious fuchsia color crawls up her neck, making that choker seem even darker in contrast. “I misspoke.”
“A Freudian slip?”
Her cheeks continue to burn pink, and she balls her hands into fists, saying nothing more.
We sit like that for a few minutes, silence bleeding into the air as if from an open wound. I suppose, in a way, that’s true—it is I who wounded and left her untreated.
Boyfriend. It’s not something I’d given much thought to as I rarely let anyone close enough to matter, but as the two syllables play on a loop in my mind, I enjoy the way it feels.
Reaching into my pocket, I pull out my small first aid kit, popping the top open. I fish out a pill packet and a folded stick-on heating pad and hold them out for her.
“I’ve been reading up on endometriosis,” I say. “I’m not sure what your pain levels are at the height of a flare-up, but I’ve seen some people say it can sometimes be managed with heat and painkillers.”
“Sometimes,” she agrees. “But I’m fine right now. My period was short and light this week.”
“From the sex, right?”
“I don’t know, Sutton.” She sighs. “It’s possible, yes.”
Glancing at the items in my hand, I set them on the ground. “Me paenitet,” I tell her softly.
She turns her head slightly, frowning. “What?”
“Me paenitet—it causes me to regret.”
“What does?”
“Well, when it comes to you, there is no shortage of things to choose from.”
That makes her blink and shrink away. “Wow. Did you come here to make me feel worse?”
“No, that was not my intention. In fact, I don’t really know why I came. I thought space was what you’d want after I made an ass of myself, and no, I didn’t go to your dorm out of respect for your and your roommate’s privacy. I could have stayed late outside your other classes and dragged you into the shadows, but I figured that would just be more of what you didn’t want—more secrets, more sneaking around. But you know, you could have come to me.”
“I didn’t hurt your feelings!” she insists, pointing at me with her index finger, jabbing it into my chest. The pills and heating pad fall to the ground, and I catch her wrist in my hand. “I didn’t imply you’d be satisfied with a sexual favor or make it seem like that’s all you were capable of. Why would I need to seek you out?”
“You’re right. But dammit, Elle, you can’t just fucking run off and expect that to be the end of it. I don’t mind chasing you, but I need you tocommunicate.”
Her eyes are wide with the intensity of her rage. She lets out a strange noise, staring at me in horror as tears well up and begin sliding down her cheeks, like she isn’t even sure why she’s crying or how to stop it.
My heart cracks. God, what a fucking number Hollywood did on her.
Shame coats her features, and she yanks against my hold, trying to escape. “I’m sorry,” she whispers brokenly, shaking her head. “I know that’s what people think of me. It’s what sent me away from LA, and I know I did that to myself, but I’d hoped you’d see me differently. I don’t want to be some coed you can fuck and move on from. I–I want more. I want you to think I’m more, and I want tobemore.”
Wiping the tears away with my thumb, I press a harsh kiss to her mouth. “I was being an insecure ass when I said that shit. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me knowing I don’t deserve even an ounce of your attention. And it wasn’t right of me to use that against you, no matter what my own feelings were.”
She sniffles, nodding. “I know. I think you just terrify me. I’ve never…”
