Deep down, I wonder why this moment is more terrifying to me than the entire time I thought someone was here to harm me. Why would I even think anyone could be here anyway? Eamon has assured me over and over again that I'm completely safe here. He would know someone was coming long before they managed to even get close to the island.
And yet, the second I thought I was in danger, it was like some other being took over, turning me into nothing more than a vessel of rage and violence. Sometimes, it feels like the hunter inside me is another person altogether. Like I have to share space in my body with a bloodthirsty monster. That part of me is terrifying, wondering what I might do to someone if they accidentally trigger it.
Maybe that's why none of my relationships have worked out.Normalpeople can tell that there's something dark and evil inside of me. Once anyone has gotten close enough to see past the many masks I wear, they flee. The only people in my life who haven't shied away from my darker tendencies are Bel and the three demons I've met because of her.
One of which is very naked and patiently waiting for me to start cleaning his body. As I soak the scrubby and reach for him, he tenses. I can tell he's as unused to this kind of closeness as I am. Which brings me back to the fear growing in my chest and spreading through my limbs.I've spent time wishing for thiskind ofintimacy with someone,andyet the reality of it is almost paralyzing.
Nudity without a race to orgasm isn't something I know how to navigate. And while there's no denying the overwhelming reaction my body has to Eamon being naked, for once, there's something more pressing to me than sex. The wet hair plastered to his face, the rivulets of water running down, trying to break up the drying blood on his chest and abs, thosestrongthighs, every inch of him is a masterpiece, and if I don't take the time to admire him now, to take care of him, there's no telling when I'll get another chance.
"Are we gonna do this, or are you gonna ogle me all day?" he teases, breaking me out of my trance.
I chuckle and slap his chest with the scrubby, starting my washing there, focusing on every splatter of the crusty black across his shoulders, down his stomach that twitches as I touch it. A small smile pulls up one side of my lips.
He's ticklish.
Something about that fact makes me blush. It makes no sense, but knowing something abouthimthat probably few others do fills me with a warmth I can't explain.
He leans in, kissing the corner of my mouth chastely, leaving his hands on the chair just beside my hips when he's finished, watching me closely as I continue cleaning his body. Someone this close in my space should be overwhelming at the very least, but something about him, whether it's his large size or his playful nature, makes every step closer feel like a journey to finding the person I could be if I let my walls made of rage break.
What could it be like to just let someone know me and care about me? I've always thought intimacy was my currency, but being with Eamon makes me wonder if what it's been is a shield instead. If I made it clear all I could offer was sex, once the novelty of it wore off, everyone would eventually leave, looking for something more.
"What are you thinking about?" he breaks me from my solemn thoughts.
I scrunch my nose, scrubbing his arm beside me to avoid eye contact, "Nothing."
"Come on," he nudges my nose with his, kissing my cheek again. "You're a terrible liar."
I am, in fact, an incredible liar. But he doesn't need to know that.
"Just thinking about the past. The future."
With a chuckle, he leans back, "Do you have an answer that's a little more vague?"
"Shut up," I throw the scrubby at his face. He dodges it, letting it fall to the floor behind him, not taking those green eyes off of me. "I'm just thinking about how I've never done this with anyone before."
"Showered?" he raises a brow.
"Showered without sex," I can feel heat rising to my cheeks. Of course, I've showered with people before, but not in a way that wasn't inherently sexual.
"Well, slow down," he grins. "Let's not get carried away. We are definitely going to be having sex in here. Just... not yet."
Not yet.
Even those words make my heart pound. Eamon, even though he's clearly tempted, is in no hurry at all to get between my legs. It's awe-inspiring and awful all at the same time.
"Not yet, huh?" I bite my lip, nerves taking over.
With a small smile, he takes my hand in his, kissing the knuckles. "We've got all the time in the world, Isla. I can give you lots and lots of orgasms later. I want this, too."
"And what is this?"
He shrugs, a boyish grin taking up almost his whole face, "I don't know. But it's nice, right?"
And itisnice. Being naked and not being pushed into the corner of only being sexual, whether by myself or someone else, it's freeing.
I nod, reaching to push the hair in his face up and run my fingers through the wet strands.
Eamon closes his eyes, reveling in the soft touch. I let my other hand drift over his shoulder, running up and down his arm and his chest, exploring every inch. A smattering of freckles across his pecs reflect the ones across his nose and cheeks. Drops of water gather on his dark lashes before falling down his face, his full pink lips softly curved in a barely there smile.
