Perfectly. Fucking. Fine.
Speaking of which, I could have sworn I heard the spyware app on my phone go off.
Of course.While we were on the phone, Isla got an email. I stopped watching her and her stalkers for two seconds, and someone tried to reach her.
A Michael Schillot.
Michael. Michael. How do I know that name? One of her dates? No. Not a spy either.
Through the spyware I installed on her computer, I can see the subject line: Baby in Bloom.
What the fuck?
The baby.
With everything that's happened since Christmas, I almost forgot about the fucking baby. The reason Isla was so upset on Christmas Eve. Charlie and Mike are having a child.
Once again, flashes of sweet Arthur's face play on repeat in my mind as they do any time I see or think of kids at all. His tinysqueals of laughter, the way he didn't even cry the first moment we met or any time after. No matter how terrifying I looked, he'd just grin and try to call for me.Emon, emon.Took him an entire year to learn to say demon, those tricky d sounds eluding him until the name he gave me just stuck.
By the time he finally got it down, it—
Well, it didn't matter what he could or couldn't say anymore.
The Sanctum made damn sure of that.
Running my palm down my face, I quickly skim the email before marking it as unread. Hopefully, Isla will tell me all about it later so I don't have to pretend I haven't seen it. If not, well, she can't go anyway, so what does it matter?
She's already tap, tap, tapping away at work, with a meeting in an hour and another this afternoon, so she won't get to read it until this evening either way. Hopefully, by then, I'll have washed away today's aching remembrance of Arthur. The last thing I need to do is let Isla see the agony, let her have another weapon she can use against me while we're trapped here together.
Gearing up for the breakdown I know is coming, I turn on a game and step out to quickly get a spread of her favorite tacos, leaving them in the kitchen with the hope that maybe I could convince her to— to what? To spend fucking time with me? That's stupid. To do something besides wallowing in her room, thinking about the life her friends continue to live without her?
Nothing I do will help her, not until something changes.Untilsomethingbreaks through, and I can give her her life back.
Heads or Tails
Isla
Two emails arrived today. The closest thing I've had to human interaction outside of work since I arrived. Not that it's anyone's fault. I've avoided Bel like the plague, even ignoring Fritz's stupid attempts at distracting me from my fucked up life with reality TV clips and commentary.
Staring at both emails sitting there in my inbox, I can't decide which one will cause me more turmoil.
Selfish.The ugly word reverberates through my head again. Avoiding both of these emails reminds me of my selfishness. Too selfish to be happy for my friends. Too selfish to give my parents the kind of daughter they prayed for.
Maybe I'll flip a coin to decide which to open first.
My phone buzzes on the table next to my dimming laptop, and I know who it is before I even look.
Michael's email came through first thing this morning, which means Bel waited until the exact millisecond she knew my work day would be over.
I paint on my brightest smile, my fakest mask. Even if she can't see it, she'll hear if I'm not wearing it. "Hi Bel."
"Did you get the email?" she practically squeals from the other end.
Pure joy fills her voice, and I can't begin to articulate how much better that makes me feel. If I have to be out here in the middle of fucking nowhere, Alaska, at least I know there are two people making Bel so happy she hasn't even noticed yet.
I sigh, feigning exhaustion, "I saw it come in and I haven't even had a chance to read it yet. I've been so slammed lately."
"Well, that's great, isn't it?" she asks, probing for more information.
