The only thing I know now for certain is that Alastor told me to torture me. There’s no other explanation. He wanted me to know so that if I did escape, it would fester and ruin me from the inside out.
And so, what are my choices? I can’t keep this from them. But I can decide when to tell them. And how. And so what do I do until then? I shouldn’t keep being intimate with them when this huge secret is between us.
And if I do tell them, they might never let me go back to save the others. I can’t let them all down just because I’m an extra rare opportunity for the Sanctimonious Fuckheads, can I? But maybe it won’t make a difference.
Who am I kidding? Of course, it will.
In times like these, I think,What would a romance heroine do?
Then, I do the exact opposite because romance heroines make bad choices.
So I have to tell them.
When I get dried off, I find them standing in the kitchen, deep in conversation. “I need to tell you guys something.”
Fritz snaps his fingers, “I knew it.”
“What’s wrong, my Dove?” Caspian asks, rounding the counter to reach me.
“Nothing iswrong,exactly. Will you guys please just… sit so we can talk?”
Fritz makes his way to the little table before pulling me into his lap, nuzzling my hair, and sighing.
I jump right into explaining what Alastor told me, along with my conversation with Eamon, and throughout it all, neither Caspian nor Fritz seem surprised by anything I tell them.
“Did you two know about this all along?” I ask, the accusation sharp.
“Well, no,” Fritz answers first, “But I guess it doesn’t really matter to me. What about you, Cas?”
“I told you weeks ago that you were made for me, did I not?” Caspian grins. The reminder of that night brings endless warmth to my cheeks.
“You did, but I thought it was just like… pillow talk,” I hide my blush with my hands until Fritz pulls them away.
“I’ve known from the beginning you two were meant to be here with me,” he whispers in my ear, “I never needed fate or the gods or whoever the fuck else to give me permission.”
“Really?” My eyes water at the admission.
He nods, “Of course, Sweets. But if you need more time to accept this, we’ll give it to you. As we’ve discussed, there’s no hurry for the claiming to be done.”
“And it explains why Cas and I were instantly so close. We came from the same twisted soul,” Fritz laughs. “Soul brothers, except we like to fuck.” He raises his hand for a high five that Caspian denies.
“That is very unusal,” Caspian rubs the scruff along his jaw while staring at me with that devious smirk, “But it does make perfect sense how we always seem to be in sync,especiallywhen it comes to you and your pleasure.” My cheeks warm further.
While I know it’ll take me a long while to wrap my head around the idea, I suppose it makes more sense than anything else. Even though they seem utterly unbothered by it, there’s still a voice in the back of my head that’s whispering they’re only saying these things because the bond is forcing them to.
That they’d never choose me of their own volition.
Well, maybe Caspian would. But often, I find myself worrying that Fritz does all this for Caspian, and if I’m here, too, that’s great. That it isn’t about me for him. Without the claiming, I’ll be just another mortal coming and going, but he and Caspian are forever, no matter what. Especially if it means that they essentially share pieces of the same soul. I wouldn’t bother asking as I know he’d emphatically deny it, but the worries plague me nonetheless.
“What does this mean for us going back for the others?” I ask the other question plaguing me.
Caspian stops my spiraling thoughts in their tracks, “We can talk more about the implications of heightened power and the added threat our going back would mean later. For now, we shall just enjoy each other’s company and be grateful we found this, yes?” He slides a mug of coffee towards me, proving once again that he always knows what I need.
After finishing my coffee, I decide that it’s time to put in some work, the first time I’ve managed to do so in longer than I care to admit. I’m way behind on a few projects, but if I buckle down, I can catch up by the end of next week.
My setup in the spare room is… a disaster area. But that can quickly be remedied. At least I have my favorite chair and ottoman, the rest can be rearranged whenever we have the time. For now, I’m just happy to settle into some sort of normalcy.
Within a few minutes, I’ve fallen into the role I’ve been given for this book. I love this job, as strange as it is. The life I’m finding matches it perfectly. Strange and beautiful.
