No more.
I’ve wasted too many thoughts, breaths, and dreams on Nash Donovan. If he saw me as anything more, he would have said something at the very least.
What are those song lyrics?If he wanted to, he would.
He doesn’t.
Chapter 4
Nash
Ican understand why the distribution business ran my father into the ground. Mind you, I still live in Montana full-time. Driving or flying halfway across the country to get here for rodeo weekends takes its toll. But rodeo nights themselves are beyond exhausting.
And tonight wasn’t even the real deal. I haven’t been to an opening night since my sophomore year in college. Pop was tucked in bed, shivering from the flu, and needed my help, so I was here. He had others who were more active in the business than I was, so I was more of an assistant than the head of the team.
“This will all be yours one day,”he’d said.“Pay attention.”
Yet, at the time, I didn’t feel the dread and expectations of having to fill his shoes. There was just enough room to distance myself and pretend it would be a lifetime before I had to live up to him and my grandfather’s image.
That’s different now. Pop is retired, and it’s all me. I’m in charge. I call the shots. It’s me working with the various promotions and keeping the stock ready to go. We primarily supply bulls, but also offer a select number of calves and saddle bronc horses when needed.
I’ve been running around like a madman, checking in with everyone to ensure I don’t fuck this up. I can’t. It’s my family’s legacy. There’s pressure that comes with that truth, a pressure I never felt when I started my own company. In a way, it seemed as if there was no one to disappoint but me, though that’s a lie.
When it came time for college, I didn’t hesitate to leave this county behind. It was my one chance to be someone else, somewhere else, before the family legacy sucked me back in. Yet, the need to escape never changed how I felt about family. They are everything. My backbone, my reason why. I would do anything for them. Be anywhere for them. Be anyone…
That’s what I’d hoped to build with Katherine—our own family. Life didn’t work out that way, though. Many say to marry your best friend. That’s the recipe for success. We did that, and still we drifted apart. No one was right or wrong. There was no animosity. Just the towel thrown in after a decade of marriage and even more years of memories.
I haven’t dated another woman since. There’s been no time or interest, until now…
Exhaustion keeps me yawning as I enter the Thirsty Pony with a few of the guys on my heels. They’re all recapping the competitors who took part tonight—the amateurs. Tomorrow is the real deal. The paid competitors. The ones that help put our stock on the map for other promotions when they perform well.
I’ve barely made it through the door when Beckett appears out of nowhere, pulling me into a one-armed hug. “Nash! Damn, it’s good to see you.”
The scent of whiskey is strong on his breath. Not a surprise. Most will have already been here for an hour or two after the rodeo ended. It’s those of us who work who take longer to arrive, and we are expected to attend, with no exceptions. It’s tradition.
Beckett pulls me toward a table in the back corner, Betty and River laughing loudly, while Gray rubs circles into River’s back. He throws me a two-finger salute, his eyes never leaving his wife.
I’d heard Beckett was still hung up on River, so I’m surprised to see them all together, but maybe it’s that whole family first thing again. Beckett would do anything for his baby sister.
Remember that Nash. She’s his baby sister, not a woman you can fuck until she forgets her name.
Shaking the thoughts clear, I take a seat, clasping hands with Gray and waving to River.
“Great night tonight,” Gray shouts over the thrumming music and chatter.
“Yeah. That was the best performance I’ve seen from Mr. Knight. The big promotions had their eyes on him before, but didn’t think he had enough agility. Tonight proved them wrong.” I can’t help but grin knowing one of our bulls pulled the highest score tonight.
We’re not the only distributor. There will always be others, but my father made it a mission to be the dependable one these rodeos and promotions could call. That’s a legacy I won’t let go to waste.
“Betty, you didn’t even say hi to Nash.” Beckett knocks her arm.
Not once does she look my way, her eyes pleading with River beside her. “Time to dance,” River bolts from her seat, grabbing Betty’s hand and pulling her along. The three of us watch our women. Gray and Beckett focused on River, while my gaze lingers on Betty.
We’d run into each other during the rodeo, too, but she’d kept the conversation brief. The usual small-talk questions about my preparedness for the night and how I slept spewed past her lips as she fought to stare at anything but my face.
It hurt. Betty and I have always had a fun relationship. She never seemed to have any issues chatting my ear off or grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me playfully. But now, she won’t even look at me.
Still, I can’t take my eyes off her as she and River stomp in their cowboy boots, laugh, and spin. It seems like every time I lay eyes on her, she’s more beautiful than the last. The many conversations we’ve had over the years resurface in my mind, playing like old movies with flickering images. I miss that version of us.
