“Nothing changes,” she breathes. “You still don’t want me.”
Chapter 13
Betty
My body plunges into the icy depths of heartbreak as Nash pulls away from my center. Stretching to his full height, he gently lifts me off the dresser. The moment my feet hit the ground, I know whatever was about to happen is done.
I’d known better. I’d known it would mean nothing for him to kiss me, or taste me, but I wanted it anyway. Nash Donovan has lived inside me so long, infusing himself with my delicate tissues, that I was willing to take whatever crumb he was going to throw my way. Somehow, my heart overrode my logic, telling me it was better than nothing at all. It was something, and maybe that could be enough.
It wouldn’t be, though, not once the moment passed, and he walked back out that door.
What the hell is wrong with me?
“I can’t do this,” he groans, running his hands through his hair and snatching his filthy shirt off the floor.
“You mean you won’t,” I correct him, choking back the tears that threaten to spill free. Tears he doesn’t deserve.
“Yes. I won’t because no matter what, I can’t give you what you want.” The volume of his tone rises, but he’s not shouting at me. He’s not angry, but clearly frustrated. Whether it’s with himself or with me, I don’t know, and frankly, I don’t care.
How many times am I going to do this to myself?
How many times am I going to pray that Nash comes to his senses and he’ll see we could be good together? That I could be everything he’s ever wanted.
Stepping a fraction closer, my chin shoots high. “Maybe you should ask me what I want before you make assumptions.” I shove past him, ready to open my door and let him out, but his hand grips mine, holding me in place.
“Betty, I’m not like that guy you went out with tonight. I’m not… settled. And despite what you’ve seen me like in front of everyone else, I’m not always like that. I can’t give you a white picket fence in a neighborhood full of kids running down the street and Sunday dinners. I can’t just stay here in Cole County.” My arm twitches at my side, wanting to wrap him in a hug. He sounds almost broken. But why, when everything he’s saying is wrong?
My mouth draws down into a deep frown as I stare at the man in front of me. So many times growing up, I thought Nash got me. It never occurred to me he didn’t understand the burden of carrying my family name when he would inherit the family legacy. Maybe we did always see life differently. Shame on me for believing otherwise.
“If you took the time to ask me what I actually want, you would know you’re wrong. Yes, I have had this undying crush on you my whole life. I have waited for you, pined for you, and gotten on my knees to pray for you, but I shouldn’t have, and I won’t anymore. You should go.”
“Andromeda,” he sighs as if pained by my words.
“Don’t call me that. You don’t get to call me that,” I whisper. “At the very least, I thought we were friends, Nash. It’s funny, through all of my pointless hoping and fantasies, I never expected it to happen. Then, you bought me those flowers and kissed me, and I actually thanked the galaxies that you were finally coming around. I thought this would be the best love story because we were friends first.”
“I can’t be your friend,” he whispers, his head dropping to his chest.
“I know. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I put you in this position of temptation or whatever has happened between us twice now, but I’m done. My heart can’t take any more.”
Without another word, I exit my room, jog out the front door, and hop into my truck. I’m supposed to stay here if we have a full house, but I can’t be around him right now. I can’t sit there and listen to his roundabout apologies and assumptions about what I want and need.
Ever since I was a little girl, all I wanted to do was leave Cole County. I wanted to leave behind the small town and travel the world so I could see the stars from everywhere. I wanted to know if they shone differently from place to place. For him to assume I wanted a perfect, cookie-cutter life here in Cole County is mind-blowing. I may have never outwardly said I wanted to leave, but my major should have made it clear enough. All the times I spoke about traveling with no roots should have been a giveaway.
My vision blurs as I speed down the road that will carry me away from Boulder Ranch. The road that will hopefully help me leave Nash in the rearview mirror, exactly where I should have left him a long time ago.
I’ve never been a big rodeo girl, but something about barrel racing has always drawn me in. Possibly because it’s a female-dominated event. These women rip and roar around those oversized tin cans like it’s nobody’s business. They control the animals beneath them with poise and elegance that not everyone understands.
“Geez, she was fast!” I gasp, looking up at the clock as the current number three-ranked barrel racer gallops through the gate. Apparently, the competition was for the junior level, but several professionally ranked adults were also participating in a showcase—a simple way to keep the motivation high for the younger participants.
“Yeah, Tammy is something else.” River snorts sarcastically.
“Is she still flirting with Gray?” Leaning heavily on the gate rung, I quickly eye River before the next rider comes charging out of the gate.
“Yes, and no. She’s calmed down, but still always asks him to save her a dance at the Thirsty Pony.” River runs her tongue over her teeth with a violent click.
“Seems like she’s not the only one playing games then,” I sigh, resting my chin on my forearm.
River only cocks a brow, staring at me. Worrying my bottom lip, I cave, knowing we’re not leaving this spot until I explain myself. “So, Nash and I got into a fight last night after we almost… Well, that doesn’t matter. He pretty much told me he’s physically attracted to me, but that’s all it’ll ever be because hecan’t give me what I want. Mind you, his idea of what I want is completely wrong. I just want him.”
