“You know one of the docs is selling his place in the next town over. You should consider buying it. Open your own office and then you don’t have to deal with crappy men.” Her hazel eyes shining bright.
I give her a wan smile. It’s a great idea, but one that would take more energy and attention than I have to give right now. Plus, those men would give me hell if I decided to leave and the patients followed. Though they are infuriating, it’s helpful to be associated with them. We have athletes from all over the state and sometimes even across state lines who come to us.
They come to consult with me.
Not to mention the hospital affiliation. That would be a whole slew of research just determining if I could keep those privileges if I struck out on my own. No, it’s not something that I can think about right now.
Maybe down the road. I worked too hard to get where I am and need to live that life a little more for now.
My coffee and plate of goodies is placed in front of me. “Those look delicious,” Betty practically drools.
“Please have some. If I eat all of these myself, Gray is going to think I’m pregnant.” I immediately wish the words would funnel back down my throat. I don’t know where they came from.
We’d had the awkward conversation about my response to his talk of marriage and babies and he understands, but he hasn’t stopped making the comments. He wants that life with me, and part of me wants it with him, but I need the respect of my colleagues more right now.
Betty freezes mid-chew, staring at me. “Are you… trying?” She tosses the cherry-filled croissant onto the plate, covering her mouth, her eyes saucers in her head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that. It’s none of my business.”
“No. It’s okay. We’re not. Though I think Gray would like for me to accidentally get pregnant.”
“And you don’t want that?” she questions.
As if my soul needed someone to divulge my concerns to, the words spill out of me. A torrent of all the things weighing me down freely, escaping to a third party who has no stake in the game of my life.
“I love Gray, and maybe someday I can want all the domestic things, but no, I don’t want to get pregnant or married. Not anytime soon, at least. I get enough shit for moving in with him.” Betty’s eyes narrow on me quizzically. “It’s like this. My whole career, I have had to prove myself to every man. Ortho isn’t a woman’s specialty most of the time. Definitely not trauma ortho or sports medicine, but it’s what I chose. I’ve had to deal with them telling me I don’t have the innate strength, and I should have picked a different specialty more suited to my womanly duties and having children.”
“Oh, River,” Betty places a hand on mine.
“It was easier to become this tough woman who doesn’t take shit and swore all those things off so I could prove I am worthy of the career I chose.”
“You don’t have to prove anything to anyone but yourself,” Betty whispers.
A humorless laugh puffs out of me. “Gray says the same thing to me. It’s why we understand each other so well. We’ve both spent our adult lives trying to prove to everyone else we are more than they think of us.”
“Yeah, he and Tate have always been a huge thing around here. Pretty much since Tate left and went pro.”
“It’s a lot to carry, and I’m sorry I just dumped that on you, but thanks for listening.” I take a large gulp of my coffee before stuffing half a danish in my mouth.
“Thank you for trusting me. I know we were never really friends before, but I am here if you ever need to talk.”
“You know, I am going to take you up on that.” We cheers, and then we’re off to more fun topics than the woes of life.
Chapter 33
Grayson
Therehavebeenhundredsof rodeo nights throughout my entire life. Many of which I competed in. Yet as I lounge here, grumbling on the couch, I can’t recall the last time I missed one.
The doctors still haven’t cleared me for riding, though I have healed fine. The waiting is the worst part. Fortunately, River didn’t out me at my last appointment, revealing all the things I’ve been doing that I shouldn’t have been.
Still, I realize the miracle of a second chance I was given. I’ve had no issues with memory loss. Unless there’s a lot of loud noise or I literally get hit in the head, the headaches are gone. No vision changes or impaired functioning. The ribs are a little sore from time to time, and the liver is functioning just as it should.
It isn’t beyond me how lucky I am to have survived two horrific injuries. Twice, a bull could have taken everything. But I lived to talk about it, without lasting damage other than fear of medical facilities.
That’s something. Right?
Bull stretches out next to me on the couch, groaning, while Bronc sits by the front door, whining. He hates when River leaves. The damn dog is more loyal to her than he ever was to me.
I miss her too. But I just couldn’t be there. I couldn’t sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else ride. There’s no telling how I’d handle witnessing the changes my brother has already made to the ranch and the show.
