It’s been an hour of silently crying while cradling Gray’s hand between mine. No matter how long I’ve held it, the temperature never seems to rise. There’s no movement or sign he’s aware I’m here.
Gray hasn’t moved a wink since surgery. The deep bruises already forming all over his body only make me more anxious. I’d looked over every inch of him as soon as I could.
He’s not my patient right now, and it would be a breach to read his chart, but the nurses and staff have answered every question I’ve had. The last relaying what Buckner had done to keep me out.“None of us care what he says,”she rolled her eyes, hanging another bag.“We weren’t keeping you out once he was gone.”
Tears welled in my eyes, but I had nothing to say that would truly convey the gratitude filling my heart.
Now we just have to wait for him to come back to us. Back to me.
“Gray, baby. I need you to wake up.” My fingers twitch to run through his hair, only to eye to thick white bandage wrapped around his skull. With thick hair like his, I’m sure it’ll grow back quickly, but almost half of it was shaved for access. “I need you to wake up. I will never forgive you if you leave me now. You promised me you’d be okay. Well, maybe not in those words, but your eyes said it. Just wake up, Gray. Please.”
A choked sob breaks free just as knuckles rap against the door.
“Hey.” Tate’s large frame ambles forward. His shoulders curled inward as if heavy weights hung from them. That same exhaustion weighing on me also present in him.
“Hi.”
“Anything yet?”
I can only shake my head, roughly wiping away my tears. “No.”
“Do you mind if I have a few minutes with him? There are a few things I’d like to say. The nurses said he could still hear me.”
Part of me wants to question why he didn’t say his peace all those hours he and Joy were in here, but I hold my tongue. That’s his brother in that bed. Someone he loves as much as…
“Of course.” I’m up and out of my chair in an instant, snatching my purse from the floor where I’d dropped it. One of the riders from the ranch brought my things, figuring I wasn’t coming back tonight.
“Thanks, River.”
I give a close-lipped smile before I sneak through the door, closing the heavy slab of wood softly. My heart left behind in that hospital bed with those beeping monitors.
Aimlessly wandering down the hall, I question if I should go home. Gray’s house.Ourhouse, now. The animals will need to be cared for, and the dogs. Who is going to do all that?
A heavy sob leaves me suddenly overwhelmed with every emotion and the reality of doing life without Gray. We’ve barely been apart since the day we met.
I’m not this woman. I’m not emotional like this.
Yet being with Gray is changing me. A reality I’m not sure how to handle.
“River,” a familiar voice calls my name. I’m slow to sit up, my gaze drifting around the waiting room I don’t recall stopping in. The dark spots on my jeans from the tears I can’t seem to stop shedding glaring back at me.
“Beckett? What are you doing here?” My fingers swipe under my eyes roughly. The skin tender beneath my touch.
“I heard what happened. I figured you would be here and wanted to see if you needed anything.”
I can only stare at my ex. The man who was clearly taken aback that I was dating a bull rider, but yet he’s here checking on me. “I—” If only I knew what I needed right now other than for Gray to wake up. To talk to me. To spew the stupid shit that comes out of his mouth but makes my belly ache with laughter and my core tighten in anticipation of being fucked.
“How about a coffee?” He holds out his hand to me, patiently waiting for me to take it.
I don’t. The thought of another man’s touch makes me cringe with guilt, but I follow him down the hall and to the ground-level cafe. Beckett is the last person I want to be with right now, but it beats being alone.
There’s no awkwardness, just a grief-filled silence. The air thick with questions about my well-being Beckett is itching to ask, and the stream of worries now saddled on my shoulders.
Beckett grabs the two cups of coffee from the stand, leading us to a table near the windows, waiting to sit until I do. “Are you okay?” he whispers, dipping his head to catch my eye.
A humorless huff leaves me. “No, I’m not. They kept me out because I wasn’t kin until Tate told them I was his wife. I wasn’t allowed to see him.” The words come out watery, a sob lodging in my throat to punctuate each sentence.
“River, I’m really sorry.” His hand reaches for me but suddenly pulls back. “Do you love him?”
