“Your house,” I correct.
“Could be yours too.”
My chest seizes. My eyes darting side to side as if questioning if he’s asking what I think he’s asking.
His squeeze of my thigh brings me out of what was likely to become a spiral down What If Lane. “Gray, are you…”
“I mean, would it be so bad to move in?”
“I’ve practically already done that this past week.” The fight to keep the panic from my voice making the words come out uneven. My argument only supporting his question instead of driving us away from it.
Dammit, River. Breathe.
“Practically and actually aren’t the same thing.”
I don’t have a retort for that. He’s right.
Just because I showed up with a suitcase doesn’t mean I’ve taken up residence there. Though I admit I’ve grown extremely comfortable in his house and hadn’t planned on leaving anytime soon, I’ve never openly considered it mine.
That admission tenses my muscles. Not because the thought of moving in with Gray scares me. It doesn’t. It’s the fact that the thought of it being a natural yes came so easily.
“What do you want for dinner tonight?” The change in subject is so blatant on my part that it’s awkward. But I can’t answer him the way he wants.
Not aloud.
Not right now.
“Let’s go into town after we unload your new babies.” A sad quality coats his words, but his face remains blank. A juxtaposition I’m not sure how to address.
“That didn’t answer my question.”
“And you didn’t answer mine either,” his tone a bit more clipped than he’s ever used with me.
“You didn’t ask me a question.” He did, but I’m still skirting the conversation, uneasy with my response to never wanting to leave his space.
He releases my thigh, his hand gripping the steering wheel tighter than necessary. “Because I didn’t think it needed to be one. You’ve been at my place almost every night for the past three weeks. I want you to make it ours. I want you to be there all the time. So no, River, I’m not asking you to move in. I’m telling you I need you to.”
“Telling me.” The words drawn out as if I’m in any way confused about what he said. I’m not. Gray has always made it clear he goes for what he wants.
“Yes, because I don’t want to go back to an empty house without you there. You want to keep your house, too. Fine. Leave your stuff there or bring it to our house. I don’t care. But that big house never felt like a home until you walked through the front door.”
I don’t say anything more until we’ve pulled onto the property, the truck coming to a stop just outside the barn.
Taking his hand in mine, I turn my body toward him. “Gray, listen to me. We’re new. I care about you so much, so I need you to listen when I say this. I need you to hear me. There’s no rush. Neither of us is going anywhere. If you want me to stay over every night, I will. I love waking up to you and going out before the sun rises to tend to the animals. I love this new little piece of my life, but me not moving into your space won’t change that or take it away.”
“And that’s my point, River. I do want you here every night. Move in. Please.” There’s so much desperation in the cracking of his words. Those whiskey eyes pleading with me. His need to hear a yes evident in the pull of his features.
There is so much emotion there that I want to cave. I want to say yes because the truth is, being here with him every day does feel like home. But that worry that we’re diving into this head-first so fast scares me. Worse, I’m terrified I’m undoing all the hard work I’ve put in all these years to prove to my colleagues I’m not some soft domestic woman who can’t do the job.
I’ve never been in this deep with someone, and I’m not sure I’m ready for it. I’m not ready to become the domesticated woman my colleagues always said I should have become instead of a surgeon. And with Gray, I can see all of that happening. Barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. Dogs and kids running through the place. Cooking dinner and doing laundry together every night.
My mouth opens to answer when a knock comes at the window. Gray rolls it down, not even bothering to look at the guy behind him. “Hey, Gray, we’re going to start unloading.”
“I’ll be out in a minute.”
The man only nods before tapping the door and heading around back to open the trailer.
“Go do what you need to do. We can talk about this later. I’ll go let Bronc and Bull out.”
