It’sbeennearlyaweek since I’ve seen Joy and it’s driving me fucking insane. I like to think we’ve left things on good terms, but as each day passes, I’m beginning to rethink that. We’ve texted back and forth a bit, but that’s about it. No lengthy phone calls. No plans to meet up. The last I laid eyes on her, she was walking from my truck to her car before driving away, never looking back.
I’m sure it has everything to do with the way the night ended when she stayed at my house. Her body felt so good beneath mine, it took everything I had to keep from fucking her. My dick gets hard just thinking about how wet she was. And how responsive she was. I’ve had sex with my share of women, none of the relationships serious. Even though I’m not quite sure what I want with Joy, I know I don’t want her to be like the others. As much as I tell myself I’m not looking for anything serious, I invited her to my house. And because of one night, it feels empty without her.
“Are you here to put in some work, or daydream?” Hayden asks as he reaches the gate.
A few of us decided to come by the ranch to get a few practice rides in. I’ve done what I can to help the other guys, but my heart just isn’t in it. Hayden’s right. I can’t stop thinking about Joy, and what I need to say to her. I can’t be upset about her halfway avoiding me, because it’s my fault. The mixed signals I’ve sent are probably the biggest red flags. But how do I tell her I like her, only I don’t have a fucking clue what I’m doing?
“Sorry, man. You’re right. My head isn’t in it,” I admit.
“Feel like talking about it?”
I snort. “No. I mean—there isn’t much to say.”
Hayden adjusts his hat before folding his arms across his chest and pinning me with a look. We’ve been friends for a long time, but I’ve never been on this end of a conversation about women. As I told Joy, I don’t have time for relationships. A fling here and there. A couple dates. That’s all I typically bring to the table. But Joy makes me want more. She makes me wonder if maybe Idohave time for more. Maybe Icanhave something that makes me happy.
“I kind of met someone,” I say slowly. “And I think I was so busy trying to convince myself that I can’t have her, that I ran her off.”
“Okay, so Joy is mad at you. Have you called her? Stopped by the barn to tell her how you feel?”
“How do you know I’m talking about Joy?”
Hayden lets out a loud snort as he rolls his eyes. “Please. Everyone knows you’re talking to Joy. And we all know you dropped her off here the other morning, so it was safe to assume things were going pretty well.”
“Fucking small towns,” I mutter under my breath. “That wasn’t what it looked like. No wonder she’s avoiding me. She got stranded at my house after the flash flooding. Her car couldn’t get across the rising water. But we didn’t sleep together or anything.”
Once again, he stares at me and waits for me to continue. I can pretend like it’s nothing all I want; Hayden knows me better than anyone. He knows I’m full of shit. Looking down, I move some stones around with the toe of my boot.
“Okay fine. Something got started, but I put a stop to it. I don’t want her to be like the other women. That’s why I invited her to my house instead of to the bar or out to dinner. I wanted to spend time getting to know her.” Hayden stands beside me and leans his back against the gate, giving me his full attention. “She’s not just some girl you hook up with, you know?”
“Does she know that’s why you didn’t fuck her?”
“Watch the way you say that,” I snap. “And, yeah. I mean, she should. I told her I don’t just invite women to my house.”
His soft chuckle can barely be heard above everything going on in the background. “Okay here’s my advice: explain to her why that night ended the way it did. Tell her exactly what you told me, and more. She can’t read your mind.”
“You make it sound easy. She’s not exactly going out of her way to talk to me.”
“Then you go out ofyourway. You ride horses that do everything they can to throw you off. You should be able to talk to a girl you like.”
I scoff. “I’m not afraid to talk to her.”
“Well then why haven’t you?” he demands.
“Fuck off.”
I don’t say the words with my whole chest. He knows I don’t mean it. Still, I turn to walk away before he can say anything else. He’s right, though. I’ve been moping around for days, when all I have to do is either stop by the ranch or find her at the doctor’s office. Hell, I could even stop by her house. I know where she lives. But I don’t want to corner her and force her to talk to me.
“Isn’t that her car over there?” Hayden nods in the direction of the parking lot where, sure enough, Joy’s car is parked along the wooden fence.
“How the hell do you know which car is hers?” I demand.
“Like I said, it’s a small town. She’s hot and single and works here at the ranch. Of course I’ve noticed her enough to recognize her car.”
I force myself to be silent before I say something I’ll regret. No matter how much it pisses me the fuck off that he’s been checking Joy out, I don’t have any claim to her. She’s not my girl.
“Quit being such a fucking baby and go talk to her.”
I walk away in silence. No need to tell him he’s right. I just need to stop being a fucking baby. I march over toward the barn before the quick pep talk wears off.Quit being a fucking baby.
