“It’s okay. You don’t have to be strong for me,” she whispered past the lump in her throat.
It was hard for her to not think back to the day she lost her parents. She didn’t have anyone to hold her, but it was her own fault. She held Andy tighter when he sagged against her and rested his chin on top of her head, and she continued holding him until his breathing returned to normal. The only sounds to break the silence were his occasional sniffles and the quiet lapping of the water against the shore. Dawn was beginning to cast a pink light behind the gray clouds.
“I’m so sorry,” she said after a few minutes. “For everything.”
Andy loosened his hold and pulled back to look at her. His red-rimmed eyes searched her face in confusion as he waited for her to continue.
“I’m sorry about your dad. I’m sorry about the way I left. Again,” she explained before once again trying to swallow past the lump in her throat. “I should have been there with you.”
“You’re here now,” he said and pulled her close again.
She wasn’t sure how long they sat there in silence. Eventually she shivered from the cold. The sweatshirt she wore didn’t do much to protect her from the weather, and the ground was cold and damp. She wasn’t aware of any of it until her nerves calmed down a bit.
“You’re cold,” Andy said before he stood and helped her to her feet. “You should probably get going. I know you’re probably in town because you have something to do with the house or something.”
She changed the subject. “When’s the last time you ate something?”
He blinked. “Yesterday morning.”
She took his hand and started toward his house. “Let’s go inside. I’m sure I’ll be able to find something to fix up for breakfast. At least some hot coffee. I’ve got time.”
Andy gave her a weak smile and fell into step beside her. She waited for him to open the sliding glass door and step inside before she followed him. She pointed to the kitchen island where he pulled out a chair and sat down without argument. Heading straight to the pantry, she looked around before taking out a box of pancake mix and maple syrup.
“Pancakes okay?” she asked hopefully.
Andy nodded once. She quickly turned to the counter to start the coffee before he could see her heart breaking for him. It didn’t take her long to mix up the batter and fill up a plate with warm pancakes. When she brought the plate to the island, she found Andy sitting in the same spot watching her quietly. He hadn’t moved an inch. She selected two plates and silverware from the cabinet. Setting them on the island next to the pancakes, she then went back to the counter to fill two mugs with steaming coffee.
“My aunt sent me a text. She is with your mom and says she’s doing okay. She’s sleeping, but my aunt didn’t want to leave her alone,” Samira said once she sat next to Andy.
“Thanks,” Andy said quietly as he reached for a mug of coffee and took a careful sip.
She put a pancake on each plate before sliding one over. “Figured you’d want to know. One less thing to worry about.”
They sat in silence, both of them picking at their food. She wasn’t sure what to do or what to say. They weren’t really on good terms, but she had to be there for him. If he asked her to leave, she wouldn’t argue, but she really hoped he’d allow her tosupport him as much as she was able. It was the least she could do.
“Dad didn’t want a big funeral. There will be a grave side service Wednesday. And then Thursday is Thanksgiving,” Andy said before his voice cracked, and he trailed off.
“It’s going to be okay. You’ll get through this, I promise.” Samira stood behind him and wrapped her arms around him.
“I just worry about my mom. We knew this day would come. They had everything planned, but neither of us expected him to go so suddenly. Am I a bad person for feeling relieved?”
Samira struggled to find the right words. “You are not a bad person. Everyone handles grief differently. Nothing you feel could ever make you a bad person.”
“I am glad he isn’t suffering, but I’m also glad that we don’t have to watch him slowly slip away. I’m glad I don’t have to hold my breath when I walk into his room and wait to see if he recognizes me. I’m glad my mom won’t have to go and sit with him when he doesn’t even know who she is. I know it’s selfish,” he finished with a sigh.
“It’s okay.”
“He was having a really good day the last time I saw him. I told him about my business. I told him about Eddy taking over the boat. He was okay with it. He seemed happy for me. I should have known everything was too good to last.”
Samira was surprised to hear that. Last she knew, he was still working up the nerve to talk to his mom about his plans. She was happy for him to have such a good last memory with his dad. She would trade anything to have had that chance with her parents. Hopefully honoring her mother’s dream would help ease the feelings of guilt she still suffered with daily.
“Hold on to that. Hold on to that memory,” she whispered as tears escaped and slid down her face.
Andy stood from his seat and pulled her into his arms. “I’m sorry. I know this must bring up your own bad memories. I wasn’t thinking.”
Samira smiled through her tears. “I’m supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around.”
“How about we comfort each other since we both could use it,” he suggested as he nudged her toward the couch.
