“Where the fuck is he?” Charlie’s familiar voice rang out. Surprised by the sudden interruption, Fiona was having a difficult time disengaging from my lap. “I don’t care what important club shit he’s helping with, if they’re not gonna take care of it, I’ve got no problem kicking Atlas’s ass—ahhh!” Charlie screeched, finally making it into the kitchen.
Fee had just managed to hop off my lap and was shimmying back into her blouse, which she managed to grab from the floor. Charlie turned her back on us, but didn’t leave the room or stop her one-sided conversation.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Bash? Why is using your dick always the first instinct? Fiona needs support… Ugh, not that kind of support.” I rolled my eyes as I fixed my pants and got my shirt and vest on.
“Ever heard of knocking, C?” I grunted. I was decent, but still not thrilled with the interruption.
“Ever heard of locking the door?” she replied, mocking my tone.
“To be fair, both of you barged in. Speaking of, how many sets of my keys do you have floating about?” Fiona asked, a frown forming on her face. At the sound of Fee’s voice, Charlie whirled around. Confirming we were both fully dressed, she ran to Fiona and pulled her into a tight hug.
“Are you okay? Do you want me to find him? Put sugar in his gas tank? Whatever you need,” Charlie fired off, and Fiona gave her a weak smile.
“I—well, I don’t know what I am right now. Jackson had a lot to say, but it’s not a black-and-white situation. It’s complicated. I’m still processing,” Fiona said, fidgeting. I gave Charlie a look, and she flipped me off.
“Understood. We don’t have to talk about anything. Why don’t you change into your comfy clothes, and I’ll make you a cup of tea?” she replied.
We both knew that was Fiona’s usual routine, and my sister was right to suggest it, thinking it might help settle her. Fee was still dressed in her work clothes. I had noticed when I walked in, thinking it was slightly unusual. Business Fiona was always a turn on, but my favorite part of her wardrobe were the ridiculous pajamas and fuzzy sweaters she favored around the house.
“Yeah, that’s a good idea. Do you mind? I’ll only be a minute,” Fiona replied in a small voice.
“Take your time! I’ll order food. How do burgers sound?” Charlie asked. Fee turned, a bit of life on her face.
“Double patty, large fries, and a cherry coke, please,” she replied, and Charlie nodded as she whipped out her phone. As soon as we heard the bedroom door close, we both whirled on each other. Unwilling to stress Fiona out any further, I held my hands up in surrender.
“Charlie, I don’t wanna get into it with you right now. Can we just both be there for Fiona instead of squabbling? I need you to trust that I am looking out for Fee and doing what’s best by her. Yeah?” I asked, and Charlie frowned before nodding. She sat down at the table and put her phone down for a second.
“Do we know what he said? Why he came by?” she asked. I shook my head.
“Fee will tell us when she’s ready, if she wants to.” She nodded, then went back to her phone.
“Bitch loves her burgers. Always cheers her up. You’re welcome for the tip,” Charlie muttered as she entered our orders, and I laughed, grateful that we could be a team when it came to helping Fiona.
We had a mellow night after that, eating greasy food while an action movie played in the background. Fee didn’t bring Atlas up, so we followed her lead. After the movie finished, and once Charlie was satisfied that she didn’t have to track Atlas down to break his kneecaps, she headed home.
Fiona and I got ready for bed in the companionable rhythm we had developed over the past few months. Once we were settled under the covers, I pulled her into my side and rubbed her back in what I hoped was a calming motion. She let out a deep sigh before tilting her head up to look at me.
“Do you think I’m being too hard on him?” she asked. My gut tightened at the question.
“Atlas?”
“Yes. He was only eighteen…” she said, as if gauging my reaction.
“It’s not about what I think. This is about how you feel. He was eighteen, and that’s a lot to put on most kids that age. Then again, look at what you managed to accomplish at that age.” I was trying to toe the line, play devil’s advocate and not let my own anger at Atlas cloud anything I said, but it was difficult.
“There are so many things I’m angry about, but the part that bothers me the most is the lies. Maybe he’s not ready to be honest with himself yet,” she murmured, rubbing her cheek against my chest like a kitten.
“What do you mean? What lies?” I asked, angry at the idea that he might have asked Fee if she was a club girl.
“He tried to excuse every action he ever took, rather than taking accountability for what was in reality mostly inaction.” She turned her head, frowning before sitting up.
“Sorry, I feel like I’m talking in riddles. Basically, he had a lot of explanations and examples of how he looked for me after he left the Army. But nothing to explain the silent treatment while he was in training, and then his years as a soldier,” she explained. “I can only imagine how nice it must have been once he was away from all of us. Not just my parents, but the town, the neighbors, and ultimately, me. Not my personality or whatever, but it had to be a relief to only have to take care of himself for once. I know the first few months after I left home were freeing in so many ways.” A sad smile ghosted over her face, and it broke my heart.
“Part of me wishes he would just say he didn’t want to reach out, that he wanted his own life, to live life on his own time for once. I told myself it would be easier to accept his absence if he had been honest, but either way, it hurts. I understand it, but it doesn’t make it better. I had no one else, and he knew that.” She frowned, clearly warring within herself.
“Fee, baby, this isn’t something you need to process right away. You don’t have to make a decision whether or not you want to have a relationship with Atlas right now,” I told her, watching her brow slowly unfurrow.
“He’s on your time, so take as much of it as you need to figure out if you want a relationship with him and what that would look like. And if you don’t want anything to do with him, that’s justas okay. This is about you, your comfort and needs, not his,” I reassured her, and was rewarded with a small smile. Pushing up onto her elbows, she leaned over me, pressing a soft kiss to my mouth.
