Dear Elsbeth,
Thank you for the exquisite cufflinks. I’m extremely flattered you remembered my birthday, the only person on campus that did! After careful consideration, I’m afraid I can’t accept them, even as a thank you for help with your submission. The hard work was all yours. I appreciate your invitation to dinner to celebrate your novel’s acceptance by a publisher. I’m pleased for you and sorry I have to decline. I have a lot of work to do for the university and I’m sure you have a lot of other friends to raise a glass with.
All my best,
Grant
19 May, 1989
Dear Elsbeth,
I feel I must write to you about something of concern to me. The other night, we almost kissed and I shouldn’t have let it happen. Your delight and exuberance about your writing are infectious and we almost crossed a line that needs to remain firmly in place. I find you funny and kind, my intellectual counterpart, but I’m a happily married husband and father and wish to remain that way. I can’t offer you anything more than support for your work and a shared love of character journeys. I’m sure in the light of day, you’ll feel the same way, too. I hope the summer break gives you time to think things over.
Best wishes,
Grant
1 November,1989
Dear Elsbeth,
Thank you for the invitation to your party today. I’m afraid I won’t be attending and wanted to give you this letter in person. You’ve done amazingly well and I wish you all the best in your career as Essie Starling.
A colleague recently asked me about my girlfriend. I honestly didn’t know who he meant until he described you. When I insisted our relationship was platonic, he told me that rumours were circulating around the campus. Although we know our connection is innocent, others do not, and I cannot put my job or family at risk.
I know you say you love me, but you’re still so very young. And life isn’t that simple. One day, I promise you’ll meet someone who can make you happy. That person isn’t me. I’m pleased for your success and will always cheer on your career from afar.
Best regards,
Grant
Chapter 34
Cereal Box
Liv staggered back and fell onto the bed scrunching the letters in her hand. Confusion rattled inside her. She wanted to hate Essie, but couldn’t help feeling the slightest touch of empathy for her, too. She wished she could reach into her own chest and rip out her emotions.
An invisible domino effect had been set in motion, and no one could have predicted the outcome. Would her dad have been killed in an accident if he hadn’t been late for the theatre, or if Liv’s mum had waited for him by the park gates? She could ask herself all the questions on earth and there was no way of knowing. Every second of every day, you made decisions that affected your future and that couldn’t be reversed.
Completely drained of energy, Liv crashed sideways onto the pillow. The events of the day played out in her mind in freeze frames. The will, Anthony’s lies, the brass key and the broken awards crunching under her feet. The taxi ride, Essie’s secret flat, the photos of her dad, and his letters. She tried to get up but a wave of exhaustion hit her, making her hug her stomach. She just about managed to text Jake to tell him she wasn’t coming home that night.
Where are you?he said.Are you okay?
She was so fatigued she could only manage one word in reply,Yes.
The room soon grew darker and noise from upstairs and the hallway petered out. Liv’s eyelids were so heavy she fell into the kind of deep sleep that had evaded her for weeks.
She woke in the morning to the sound of a radio blaring something. She missed the sounds of Jake, Mack or Johnny moving about. After wiping her face in the bathroom, she called her husband.
‘Where were you last night?’ he said urgently.
‘It’s a long story.’ She gnawed the side of her thumbnail. ‘Essie owns another flat, from her student days.’
‘Has she asked you to clean it?’
‘No, but there are things here I have to do. I need to be by myself.’
‘What’s going on?’ he said. ‘Just come home. We can talk here.’
