‘Just making sure you’re okay,’ Jake said.
Johnny turned to Liv. He shrugged a shoulder. ‘Well, I suppose this is it. See you, Mum.’
Liv wanted to say something profound, that they’d both remember for the rest of their lives. Instead, she hugged her son with all her might. A tear she’d promised not to shed squeezed out and popped onto his shoulder.
‘Mum, you’re crushing me. Don’t get my T-shirt soggy.’
‘Take care. Love you,’ she whispered in his ear.
‘Love you, too,’ he said quickly.
Jake grinned at him. ‘Do you want to tell me, too?’
‘Nope,’ Johnny laughed and they gave each other a quick bear hug.
‘I’ll give you a lift to the station,’ Jake said.
Johnny picked up his bag. ‘It’s fine. I’ll walk.’
‘It’ll save you carrying all your stuff.’
‘I’m eighteen, Dad. I can manage.’
Liv thought of how it was an age when you could study and live alone, travel wherever you wanted in the world, even have your own children, but there was still so much to learn, and so many mistakes to make.
The door opened, Johnny called back goodbye, and then he was gone. His footsteps grew quieter as he walked away, and the hallway fell silent.
Liv and Jake stood together for a while, their family disassembled. The air was cool and sharp, as if it contained tiny shards of glass.
Another tear wound its way down her cheek and Jake reached out to wipe it away. ‘Come on,’ he said softly, and wrapped his arm around her waist. ‘We’ll be fine.’
But will we?Liv wanted to say to him. She allowed her body to fall against his. Her head was heavy when she rested it on his shoulder. She thought of all the secrets weighing down on her, that would soon be released into the wild. And she wondered if it would break them.
‘Let’s look on the bright side,’ Jake said. ‘No killer clown films for a while. What do you fancy for tea?’
Liv wiped her cheek with her fingers. ‘I’ll make it.’
‘It’s fine. I’ll do it.’
‘I don’t mind.’
‘Neither do I.’ Jake left the hallway and headed towards the kitchen, leaving her standing on her own.
Liv stared after him, already feeling lonely.How will we survive without the boys?she thought.And what will happen when Jake finds out about my lies?
Chapter 30
Empty Nest
Rather than dwell on her empty nest, Liv threw herself into her work and chose to imagine both her sons were still lounging around at home. Keeping up the facade of Essie being alive had given her plenty of practice. With several chapters left to finish, she pushed on writing, striving to craft a happy ending for Georgia with Frank, even if he still didn’t feel right for the story.
Liv arrived at Essie’s flat at 6.30 a.m., traversing back streets as if still working for Platinum. As she lugged the manuscript to and from home it felt almost part of her, like a Siamese twin.
She stayed late into the evening, eating a quick sandwich at her desk for tea, or skipping food all together. Typing ‘The End’ was like the finishing line at the end of a marathon, and she was tripping over her feet to reach it.
She noted down the number of weeks left until 1 November, and crossed them off as she worked – five weeks, four weeks, and then only three. As the time remaining dwindled, her stress levels grew. Autumn stole away the sunshine and rain tapped against the windows in the flat.
As Liv wrote, she harked back to her first ever day working for Essie. Jane had given her a verbal list of dos and don’ts.Never disturb Essie when she’s writing or editing, Essie’s PA had said.If you hear typing or scribbling, don’t knock on her door. If Essie wants anything, she’ll tell you. Don’t worry if she doesn’t eat or drink, she doesn’t want to break her concentration.
