Lainey Barkley doesn’t cry. She doesn’t talk about her feelings, or her parents, or how she truly feels about the fucked-up situation.
The alcohol in her system must be taking over, because on a regular day, she’d rather be caught dead than talk about her feelings.
Moving toward her, I wait for her to object to me sitting on the bed next to her. When she doesn’t, I lower myself down and grab her hand.
I hate that she’s feeling this way. I hate that her own parents have made her feel so small, so insignificant. They’re the reason she’s so guarded. They’re the reason she’s afraid to let anyone in or get close to people.
I hate them. I hate them for making her feel like she’s any less than amazing. I hate them for thinking that sending her money or expensive gifts would make up for the years of neglect and parental guidance. My dad may be a piece of shit, but at least he was around.
He was at every function, every party. He never let his shit get in the way of family. Which is probably why my mother let him get away with the shit he did for so long, and probably why we didn’t see all of the illegal shit he was doing.
Regardless, he was there. Lainey’s parents never were. I can’t imagine how that must feel, to have parents but to never really know them. Never feel their love.
“Listen to me, Bug. There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing. Your parents are fucking idiots. They have no idea what they’re missing. You’re a badass, and they don’t deserve you, you understand me? Fuck them,” I say, meaning every single word and hoping she believes them.
Her teary eyes look up at me, and my heart constricts at the broken look on her face. The last time we had a talk like this was when we were kids. She’s a grown woman now, and she’s had plenty of time for these feelings to fester and build.
I wish she’d talk about it more. I wish she’d let me in, let someone in. She doesn’t even talk to Ellie, Gwen, or Haley about this shit. She just lets it build and build, and now the dam is broken and it’s all spilling out. I just hope I can help build her walls back up or at least patch themup the best I can.
Chapter 25
Holland
Lainey sniffles, and my heart aches for her. I don’t know how to make her realize that she’s fucking perfect, and her parents are assholes. Nothing I say will make her understand that it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with them.
Honestly, she’s probably not even going to remember any of this in the morning. I could tell her I was in the mob, and she wouldn’t remember. She’ll wake up in the morning and completely forget that she even spoke to her mother. So it doesn’t matter what I tell her.
“You think I’m a badass?” she asks, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. Even tear streaked and snotty, she’s beautiful.
Laughing softly, I say, “Hell yeah. You’re freaking awesome. Tough as nails, and even a little scary at times,” I tell her, and she smiles.
“I thought you found me annoying and bitchy,” she shrugs, and I chuckle.
“You are, but that’s okay,” I say, and she nudges me with her shoulder, no longer crying. Thank fuck.
“Hey!” she shouts, and we both laugh. It’s so nice to hear her laugh after seeing her cry. It feels good knowing I’m the one that put that smile on her face.
After a moment, her laughter dies down, and her face is back to serious. Shit, what happened? She was just fine.
Before I can ask what’s wrong, Lainey maneuvers herself so that she’s straddling me, pushing me down on the mattress and smashing her lips against mine.
It happens so fast, I don’t even realize what’s happening until her tongue is slipping into my mouth and her breasts rub against my chest. Oh, fuck. What the hell is happening right now?
Two seconds ago, she was crying, then laughing, and now she’s on top of me, devouring me like I’m her last meal.
“Lainey,” I try to say through kisses, but she doesn’t let up. I have to physically pry her off of me in order to catch my breath and attempt to think rationally.
She doesn’t know what she’s doing. She’s drunk. She’s drunk and she’s upset and she’s doing what she does best. Distracting herself.
As much as I want this, I know we can’t do this right now. Lainey doesn’t want me, she wants adistraction from her thoughts and feelings. When this happens, I want it to be for real. I want it to be because she wants me, not just somebody to take away her pain.
“Lainey, stop. You’re drunk, and you’re upset. You don’t want this,” I try to explain, lifting her off of me and gently placing her back on the mattress. Fuck, I want her so bad. But I know this isn’t how this should go. She’s not thinking clearly.
“You should get some rest,”I say softly, my voice gentle but firm.Lainey’s bottom lip shoots out in a pout, and my god, if she isn’t the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.
“Come on, lie down, Lainey Bug. You’ve got maid of honor duties to fulfil tomorrow, and Gwen will kill you if you show up hungover to her wedding.”
Lainey lies down on her back and watches me as I take her heels off of her feet, tossing them to the floor. I tuck her in and watch as she begins to tear up again. Oh, shit. What now?
