As she sits, the scent of her fruity perfume and sweet shampoo surrounds me, and I wish I could bury my face in her neck and never leave.
She doesn’t make eye contact with me, instead she looks down at her phone and stays silent until Haley and Ellie enter the room. I wanted to make a comment about what happened between us, but it’ll have to wait until we’re alone again, if she ever lets that happen.
Theres a weird tension between us for the rest of the night, like we both know how we feel and what we want but we’re refusing to admit it. It’s almost funny how Lainey tries to act as if I don’t exist.
That is, until we’re forced to practice our duties as the wedding party. Apparently, Gwen and Ryker thought it would be a great idea to have Lainey and I walk down the aisle together. Remind me to kick Ryker’s ass later.
An hour later, the entire wedding party is in the ballroom, chatter and clanking of glasses filling the space. Gwen and Ryker sit at the front of the room at their own table. They smile and laugh, and I’m finding myself feeling a bit jealous that I don’t have that.
I’ve never really thought about marriage or kids or having a family. I’ve never really been a playboy either. Yes, I’ve had one-night stands, what college student hasn’t. But I’ve never been considered a player like Ryker was. He was Ellington’s most eligible bachelor.
Hard to pin down, never staying with a woman for more than a month, and having the bad boy reputation, Ryker was every girl’s wet dream. That is, until Gwen came along. Ryker made sure every girl, and guy, on campus knew she was his.
I’d never seen him so head over heels for a chick, and it was honestly a shock when we found out how serious he was about Gwen.
She’s good for him. She’s strong, and she doesn’t take any of his shit. She’ll set him straight if he needs it, and she won’t hesitate to tell him when he’s being an ass. They’ve got a good connection.
I’ve never had that. I haven’t found someone that I connect with that deeply that I can imagine a life with them. Especially one that can handle the chaos of my life currently. With the takeover of my dad’s company and the drama that comes along with the criminal world, no girl could handle being with me.
No one really knows about all that, but eventually it would come out. There’s no way to hide that once you’re with someone.
Lainey’s laugh interrupts my thoughts, and the sound gives me butterflies. Hearing an honest, genuine laugh from this girl feels so good. She’s always pretending, and I don’t even know if she notices anymore.
She’s been acting as if her life is perfect and that the fact that she hasn’t spoken to her mother in weeks isn’t bothering her. She’s always been strong, one of the strongest women I know, but I wish she knew she didn’t have to be that strong all of the time.
Lainey isn’t one to talk about her feelings. In fact, she’s pretty against feelings in general. She’s always hidden how she feels, and she’s never been good at comforting people when they’re upset.
A thought occurs just then as I sit next to her, listening to her talk to my sister about who will get the drunkest tonight. I would take away Lainey’s pain if I could, so that she would never feel unwanted or unloved.
Lainey Barkley is a lot of things, but she shouldn’t have to be strong all of the time. It’s going to consume her, and one day she will break. Of course, I’d be there for her when that day came, but I don’t want it to. She doesn’t deserve to feel that way.
“Can I have everyone’s attention, please?” Ryker asks as he stands, lightly tapping his knife on his champagne glass. He doesn’t look nervous or frazzled. In fact, he looks completely put together, like he has absolutely no doubts or worries at all.
I wonder what it’s like to be that sure of how you feel about someone. Will I ever find out?
The room quiets and everyone turns to face the man of the hour.
“I just wanted to thank you all for coming to celebrate us. I know it was a long a trip, and some of us had to face some fears to get here,” he chuckles softly, looking directly at me when he says that last part. I shrug, grinning.
“Listen, I got here, didn’t I?” I respond, and everyone chuckles around me. A small sound even comes out of Lainey, who is watching Ryker intently.
Ryker nods, laughing. “That you did, my friend. Anyway, thank you all for being here with us, and we can’t wait to see you all tomorrow when we finally say ‘I do’.”
Everyone claps and Mason whistles loudly, clapping his hands and giving Ryker a standing ovation.
I shake my head, chuckling under my breath. Catching sight of Lainey out of the corner of my eye, I find that, although she’s clapping, instead of looking up at Ryker, she’s looking at me.
Chapter 24
Holland
The party is in full swing, and the energy in the big room is palpable. Everyone dances and signs along to the music as the DJ plays some absolute bangers.
Ryker and Gwen dance in the middle of the dance floor while the rest of the wedding party dances around them. Lainey, Ellie, and Haley dance together in one corner of the dancefloor, and they look like they’re having the time of their lives.
I know they’ve all had quite a bit to drink already, and the party isn’t closeto over.
Lainey and Ellie began drinking as soon as they sat down at the dinner table. They started with the champagne that was given. When Haley joined in, that’s when the shots began. Gwen even partook in some of the drinking fun, to which Ryker got a bit overprotective and cut her off.
